It was not me who picked up a toy chainsaw for Itty Bit this week.
He ADORED it.
Everyone else in Target did NOT adore it.
It was not me who walked around with a bit of a smirk on my face – deflecting the pointed glances with the wicked thought of “hey, at least I can take my hearing aid out!”
(okay, if I can’t laugh about it, then who can?)
It was not me who made a loud remark in Sportsman’s Warehouse about a loose dog and how I felt about people who had the pressing need to bring their pets into public places.
It was not me who wanted to crawl into one of their display gun safes when I realized it was my former horse trainer who’d brought the Yorkie.
(in my defense, I’d been treated for a dog allergy for years and it blows me away how many people think it’s okay to bring them to stores)
It was totally not me who shared my insurance agent’s recent email with my coworkers. It was short and sweet and (kinda) to the point:
Who are you doing now and are you ready to settle?”
My husband about died when he read it. After insisting that I tell our coworkers what it said, it was not me who got teased ALL.DAY.LONG about “who” I was doing now and did I settle. Goshdarnit those typos are funny!
It was not me who had to tell my kiddo a very serious “NO” and leave the room with a bad case of the giggles when I was changing his diaper and he asked for a bandaid for his you-know-what.
Apparently any appendage is fair game for our neon-colored bandaids.
(Why yes, in case you were wondering… our kid DOES think bandaids are stickers).
It was not me who told my son the name of his new toy car, “Axle”, and watched horrified as he loudly repeated it at a coworker’s birthday party… “AXHOLE! AXHOLE!” Yeah… it wasn’t me who wanted to climb under the table.
It wasn’t me who let Itty Bit “drive” (sans keys) while I fed the horses (again). It wasn’t me who was horrified to find that he had decorated his face with my lipstick.
(ps - please don’t tell Mr. Daddy about this… he would totally not appreciate the lipstick)
It was not me who got totally excited about finding a pair of jeans that would actually fit Itty Bit; tiny waist and long legs. Until I remembered that I was in Baby Gap and said a bit too loud, “OH MY GOSH” at the $49.50 price tag. Yes, that’s right ladies and gents… fifty cents less than I paid for my last TWO pairs of jeans together. For a size 18-24 months pair of jeans. If my *ahem* slightly larger butt requires a bit more denim, then how come it’s half the price of the entire two feet of fabric for the little guy’s pair?
Wouldn’t have been so bad except the sales lady was cracking up at my reaction.
Not that I actually did that or anything. I’m totally cool with plunking down half of a $100 bill for my kiddo’s threads. We’re like so rich, Obama wants to talk to us.
It was not me who put Itty Bit in some new pajamas last night and let him wear the top today. If I had, it would have been just so darn cute…
This is what it might have looked like... if it had actually happened:
What did you not do this week?