Sunday, November 30, 2008

I don't wanna know Victoria's Secret

(otherwise known as Too Much Information... don't say I didn't warn ya).

So Mom and I braved the crowds to do some shopping on Black Friday. Not obscenely early, mind you - but there was still a mass overcrowding issue at most stores... enough to make you consider bringing a stroller to carry the bags, even though your kid isn't with you (a side note... thank you very much Mr. Daddy for the no-kid part).

So we hit a couple of stores, then decide to check Victoria's Secret for sales. Some background... my mom is NOT a fan. I'm not really either, except for finding some comfortable bras there (seriously guys, I warned you this was too much information... it gets worse).

I'm not even going to apologize for being conservative enough to be bothered by all the teenyboppers walking through the store with their boyfriends in tow. There's a right time and place for stuff.
In my mind, people shouldn't be strutting around in their undies - especially not on a runway and then broadcast for the world to see. There ya go, mini-Victoria's-Secret-rant.

So we head back to the bra section, where I'm asked my size and the employee cheerfully offers to measure me.

Uhh, no thanks. I'm not as brave as the first girl standing there with her arms up and a tape measure around her bust - in full sight of the rest of the store. I'll just take a couple post-baby size guesses and we'll call it good.

First one is not a great fit.

Second one, oh-my-goodness-who-does-this-cleavage-belong-to? (otherwise known as I-can't-breathe).

Third one my mother says, "It's not supposed to gap like that... maybe I should ask one of the salespeople what to do about that?"

I hesitantly agree.

The next thing I know, the salesgirl (all 80 pounds of her, 10 of it makeup) comes in to the fitting room with me. WITH ME.
I'm in an ill-fitting bra in all of my postpartum glory (yes, I'm still using that excuse 2 years later), and she comes in WITH ME.

You know, in that mini dressing room with fat-abulous lighting that highlights every untoned part of your body.

She starts tugging around the straps and the sides.
Then she does it.

She tells me to reach inside the bra and "hold myself" into the cup.

I look at her dumbstruck.
She thinks I just don't understand her. So she says it again. Then tries to demonstrate without actually touching me.
And again.

Uhh, no thank you. I'm not going to reach my hands into my armpits, shove my girls together, look in the mirror and say that's a great fit. What do I do afterward? Walk around like that with my new $45 bra? I'll look like that girl from Superstar for sure. And my hands are certainly not going there in front of a teenager with lipstick far outside of her natural lip line - who is a total stranger to boot!

My mother finally rescued me and said "that's okay" and kinda got Miss Helpful out of the dressing room.

I know it was too much information. I'll just let you thank me for not sharing what my mother said about the more risque items on the way out!


He & Me + 3 said...

NOt my favorite place to go either, but I do love their bras. I will be sad when they stop carrying the one I wear and I have to get measured again. Ugh

Elyse said...

Not my favorite place either, but the bras do fit well. Can not believe that I am laughing at your story. Sorry to say, but the writing is hilarious. Been there and done that. I refuse to let a 70 lb girl measure me.

Elyse said...

Mr. Daddy just left me a comment and I must say, what a guy to actually post/blog. Very impressed :)

Stacy said...

LOL! One of my guy friends used to work there - he said that some girls would come out of the changing room to show their girlfriends their bras and give him a dirty look for being there. Ummm, don't go out in public in your undies idiot!

I did get measured there one day but I there was maybe two other people in the store at the time and it was in the back part of the store. They have the best fitting bras, but they cost way too much money. At least they last a long time!

Killlashandra said...

I've never been a big fan, I've found they don't fit me right anyway so why shop there. However, I am familiar with the over helpful assistant. ;) And I could have warned you about the lift and adjust move I would have. I had to point that one out to my step daughter with her homecoming dress. :)

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