Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Oh the joys

I promise - someday I will write honestly about the joys of being deaf (or at least the advantages)... for now, consider this a very sarcastic rendering of the minus-hearing situations I found myself in just today.

I talk Mr. Daddy into going to Red Robin (actually, I say the words french fries to Itty Bit and it is a done deal from there).

Our meal is rather normal. Meaning Itty Bit is his usual 2-year old self and thinks everyone else's booth deserves a visit from him. By climbing over the seats, of course. But I digress...

I head to the bathroom to get a dry diaper on Itty Bit. Seeing that we're alone, I dare to sing a little goofy song to him. I stop short and grill him with a "PEEE-UUUU! Did you just FOOCHIE?!?!"

Itty Bit startles and I realize that the toilet in an adjacent stall is flushing.

Oh.Good.Lord.
I am mortified.

The smell actually gets worse, and I am faced with a timing dilemma.

Do I pack up the kid quickly and just sanitize with wipes back at the dinner table? Or do I wait her out and hope she doesn't recognize me by my shoes later?

I don't see any movement, so I quickly gather Itty Bit up, splash some token water on our hands at the sink, then turn to face an unhappy looking blonde.

"Hey, let's go get Daddy, okay Itty Bit?!?" as I flee.

(Mr. Daddy is going to think I'm a dork after reading this... I didn't tell him because I was so embarrassed. And I just knew my spot-on timing would strike again and we'd be in the middle of laughing uproariously when she walked by our table).

~

So... we get through dinner with Itty Bit ducking under the table and trying to escape several times - all the while making fire truck siren noises and clamoring to see the big black carousel horse they have on display near the ceiling.

(totally off topic, but WHY do they have those fun things if kids can't play with them? it's like you walk in and they're just hanging out up there... 10 feet in the air, saying "neener neener neener". I am SO not taking him to the Red Robin with bumper cars suspended from the ceiling)

After dinner we're walking out. And of course those high-school greeters are there waiting. They smile and wish us a good night. I say, "thanks, you too!"

Uhh... within 2 seconds, my lipreading replay kicks in.

GOSH DANG IT

She said, "come again!"

and like a dork, I said, "thanks, you too!"

I have a feeling she'll be coming back again very soon.

~

On our way home, we stop at the store to grab a couple things. Mr. Daddy keeps the kiddo in the car and I head in alone.

(am I the only mom who feels like she's missing a limb when she goes into a store without a child and a 20 pound diaper bag?)

I detour to the bathroom, and again it's empty.
I checked. You know, just in case I wanted to burst into a silly song all by myself...

Just to set the scene for you... this is a NICE bathroom. With actual walls between the stalls. None of that little kid peeking under the dividers thing going on.

The next moment, a pair of shoes stops in front of the stall door. And a hand reaches under.

With toilet paper.

????????????????????????????

I didn't ask for any.
There's toilet paper in the stall.

This person had just walked into the bathroom, decided to check in case any stranded women needed toilet paper, then randomly offered it from the door of the stall?

I was totally baffled.

And would have PAID to be able to hear if she'd said anything.

Seriously, she left right after that.

Entered, thrust the Charmin under the door, then left.

I'm still baffled.
That one's gonna keep me up tonight.

~

And just so you don't think that two out of three stories tonight were from BATHROOMS...

We're riding home and Mr. Daddy realizes that we should top off the tank.
He mutters and prepares to turn the car around.

Suddenly his head snaps to the backseat and his eyes register panic.

And clear as a bell, our innocent Itty Bit repeats, "OH CR@P"

I might not have caught it the first time, but Itty Bit did a good job interpreting for Mommy. A little too good.

5 comments:

Killlashandra said...

I think your bathroom experience ranks up their with W.W.'s comments at the pool. There is an elderly group of women who use the pool before the little kids do and as they left he just pops off with She has a big butt! And of course smiles and thinks he's said something really funny and cute. AH!

Although your second story about the TP under the wall really is odd. I would have been seriously wondering what she said too. ;)

Jaime said...

Off the record, I have to admit that I, too, have done the "Come again" "you, too" thing! I often assume I know what they're going to say (since they're just being courteous and I'm just being courteous back) and I sometimes jump the gun...

Or I think a friend is going to say "Good to talk with you" at the end of a conversation and I say "you, too" only to realize a split-second later that they said something else...

You're a good sport, even if you're irritated and being sarcastic. :-)

Heidi Zawisza said...

Hmmmmmmmm.......did you accidentally bump into my life?

Stacy said...

I do the come again, you, too thing, too. At least you have an excuse! That TP under the door was so wierd, though. Hmmmm...wonder what she was saying??

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Mind if I rant to you? I'm not deaf but I have terrible hearing and am always telling my kids to speak loud and look at me when they talk.
Right now we have two boys living with us while their parents find a new place to live. My husband has been out of town on a trip and this was the last email I sent him:

I'm not good at humoring teen boys. T is a super great kid but he is too old for the little kids and he is following me around mumbling things that I can't hear. Once I figure out what he is saying I realize it is a not funny joke that I have to fake laugh at. I can only say, "What?" and fake laugh so many times. I'm going crazy!!!! I really miss you.