Sunday, February 15, 2009

Not Me Monday!

Seriously - this week has just zoomed by. Time for some free therapy, courtesy of MckMama!

Sooo... all the stuff I didn't do this week? Where to start?

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Mr. Daddy did not cement his Knight in Shining Armor status with a beautiful Valentine’s Day card, a delicious grilled dinner, and a quiet evening on the couch watching Fireproof. At midnight, Itty Bit did not somehow wind up in the big bed kicking both of our spleens. Romantic, no?


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Not Itty Bit who got me back for last week’s toothpaste fiasco by spitting all over my freshly rinsed toothbrush. And I certainly haven’t caught him cleaning the (ahem) toilet seat with it either.

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Not me who laughed my way through saying grace when Mr. Daddy asked Itty Bit to pray. Itty Bit did not immediately start with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!” then yell "AMEN" while pumping his fists into the air. That would have been a bit sacrilegious, right?

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I did not have an entire conversation with Mr. Daddy while at the playground (yes, the same playground from this adventure, and this one) about the scary looking goth guy sitting across from us. It did not center around just how painful it had to be to get his lips tattooed (oh it was permanent). Mr. Daddy did not also notice that he had fang dentures.

During the non-conversation, I did not find my heart pounding out of my chest when Itty Bit ran right up to the guy and stopped and stared. After ushering him to a safer more respectful distance, I did not then decide I was not going to feel a teeny bit remorseful over his staring. You won’t talk me into believing someone does that without wanting or expecting attention.

(And before I get any hate mail, let me tell you that my adorable and bighearted little sister has numerous piercings and has sported some wild hairstyles and I love her to pieces…but a kiddie playground is probably not the right place for fangs).

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While leaving the above playground, I did not feel wickedly vilified when I saw one of my obstetric nurses. This would not be because she had said some stinker things about my 30 pound pregnancy weight gain at the time - and she is now obviously heavier than I.
Mr. Daddy did not roll his eyes as I recounted her comments. Men just don't get that kind of stuff.
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I did not snort, then guffaw in Itty Bit’s face when he struggled to separate my head from my neck (don’t ask). He did not loudly then proclaim, “STUCK!”

I kinda like it stuck, kid.

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My son is NOT able to break wind at a volume that shames grown men. After a particularly impressive demonstration, Mr. Daddy did not promptly forget and nearly pass out when he ventured nearby.

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So, what did you all not do this week? Would love to hear!


14 comments:

Following Him said...

Every single time I die laughing. Seriously! Itty Bitty cracks me up :) Have a great Monday :)
~Elyse~

Mom Of Many said...

Always love coming and checking out what you did not do.

xo Love, Linn

Pam said...

You never fail to make me laugh to the point of tears!

With that being said, if I could only lose weight by all of the laughing/crying I do reading blogs then I would surely be in single-digit sized clothing again.

Boy, I wish we lived in the same place!

Have a great week,
Pam

He And Me + 3 said...

Rachel,

Those were so funny. OMGosh, where do I begin?
Toothpaste and toothbrush on the toilet. Yum
The prayer...cracking me up
Trying to pull your head off and finally figuring out it was stuck, that is too funny.
Also, I must be 12 because I thinking passing gas is still hilarious.
That one almost made me pee my pants.
Thanks for the laugh today.
XO,
Mimi

Dana-from chaos to Grace said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! OMGosh! That is hilarious!

And I don't like scary people at playgrounds either.

Sarah said...

My cousin sings a second verse of Happy Birthday, "May The God Lord Bless You." He usually sings it by himself because we either forget the words or are too confused to sing it.

Elaine said...

I am cracking up. Great blog.

Tanya said...

You are too funny, great stuff.
Happy Monday!

Brooke said...

What sweet "revenge" on the OB nurse. Man, what would she have said to me with my 60+ lb weight gain during my pregnancy!

Happy Not Me! Monday.

Paige said...

Oh my gosh! You are so funny and the the Goth guy episode cracked me up! Gotta love tactless OB nurses.

Killlashandra said...

hehehehe you write these so well. They always make me laugh. 30 pounds is nothing, some nurses are just rude. And well toothbrushes always lead double lives didn't you know? ;) As for the goth with fangs, now there's a double life for sure. LOL

Stacy said...

LOL...you did not do a lot this week, eh??

Yes, fangs at a playground would seem a tad out of place. The people that dress like that shouldn't be surprised when a kid stops and stares and says something. If they do...well, they need to look in the mirror to figure that one out.

Ewww, on the toothbrush spitting and TOILET CLEANING. I hope that was the first time he did it! I have gotten my hand spit on by my kids and my son is an explosive spitter so if you are in the vicinity when he spits you really need to duck. ;)

Susan said...

Oh my gosh, Rachel, you are the funniest!! I love "Not Me Monday!!" Hilarious! I had to go backwards to catch up on everything and I also got caught for a bit, laughing over your too-honest valentines when you were a kid. At that age, I always wanted to tell everyone what I thought was wrong with them, too. Big mistake telling my dad what was wrong with HIM....
You have such funny adventures that you really need to write a book. I'd buy it for sure. Oh, wait....your blog is free. Never mind.....:0)
Lastly, I love the project with the letters. Those pictures are adorable!! (What do I expect from Itty Bit, right??) Even with all the disaster that led up to it, the end result was something too precious for words! I'm going to try that next year with my grandkids (they'll be wanting your name so they know who to blame, but I promise, I'm not tellin'...)
Can't wait to see what Itty Bit does next!
Susan
(Sneaking over from Thinkpinkalicious)

Sara said...

I always look forward to reading your Not Me's and this week did not disappoint. :)

Sara