Sunday, March 22, 2009

Not Me Monday!

*sorry - having to update this to close comments - we are being spammed to death...

It’s Not Me Monday again!

Come join MckMama for some free therapy!


My kiddo did not sidle up next to me, say “owie”, and sweetly point out every blemish on my face (thankyouverymuch PCOS). He then did not take his toy hammer and proceed to gently “fix” each owie. I did not let him do it, because I was not madly giggling.

The game did not quickly end when he decided to “fix” my glasses with the same hammer.


We did not have a Sharpie incident in the household this week.

Mr. Daddy did not hijack the blog and post all kinds of incindiary nuisance. He is not still obnoxiously gleeful that people were amused by his comments.

To be fair... he did try to remove the Sharpie on the nightstand... but the toothpaste simply bleached the wood and left the, guess what...? You betcha... Sharpie ink would survive a nuclear blast.


Mr. Daddy did not have to call Sportsman’s Warehouse and ask them if Itty Bit’s John Deere hat was in the lost-and-found. He didn’t have to ask them to go look in the sleeping bag section because Itty Bit had been perfectly behaved that afternoon. He was not nap-deprived and running around like a little tornado. He did NOT light up at the sight of 60 sleeping bags hung along the wall on display… because the thought never occurred to him to run INTO the display and race from end to end. This would not have caused them to swing wildly on their hangers either.

The sleeping bags did not reach to the floor and make it impossible to see his feet through them. I did not have to locate him by watching intently for any movement of the display. If I did, you would understand why I would resort to a kiddie leash!

To fix this, I did not crawl INTO the sleeping bag display and just wait on one end to nab the little stinker. He did not howl deafeningly (ha-ha) as I hauled him upside down through the store to pay for Mr. Daddy’s boots.

And of course… I never checked to see if his hat was still on his head.

If it had happened, Itty Bit would have been happily reunited with his beloved hat, then promptly put down for a nap.


Ever walked around in a new shirt – and forget to take the little size sticker off? Didn’t think so. Me neither.


After a long and mentally taxing day – and after choosing to eat out for dinner, the following conversation did not happen at the restaurant.

Itty Bit: DOWN!
Me: No honey. You don’t have your shoes on.
(what nutty mother doesn’t put her kids' shoes on? One that doesn’t want her kid running around, I bet).Mr. Daddy: Babe, I think we left his Lightning McQueen boots in the grocery cart.
Me: Oops… sorry hon.
Itty Bit: DOWN!
Mr. Daddy: I’ll run back and get them.
Itty Bit: DOWN!
Me: Can we order first?
Itty Bit: UGH! Mommy! DOWN!
Mr. Daddy: (harried) Okay, I'll wait.

Mr. Daddy didn’t proceed to quickly order then jet.

As if on cue, Itty Bit did not promptly spill half a cup of ice water on me.

I did not pilfer napkins from vacant tables nearby to clean up the mess. I did not leave piles of silverware in the process. I was not freezing cold from my soaked jeans.

When Mr. Daddy returned, the following conversation did not ensue:

Mr. Daddy: They weren’t there.
Me: They weren’t?
(removing 14th broken crayon from Itty Bit’s grasp)Mr. Daddy: Then I went back to the car, turned the light on…
Me: Uh-oh.
(removing salt shaker from Itty Bit’s supersonic hands)Mr. Daddy: Yeah, the boots were right there, in the backseat.

(long pause)

Me: Oh man. I’m sorry. I wasn’t even thinking.
(since when would I apologize for NOT forgetting something??)
Mr. Daddy: You owe me.
Me: I know hon.

Itty Bit promptly spills the remaining ice water all over me again.

Ironic, no?


Hey y’all – come back tomorrow for our first ever True Story Tuesday – where we link to stories that actually happened… ya know, in real life. Join in – we’d love to hear the unedited version of a Not Me episode!


Lisa said...

Hilarious! Who would put a sleeping bag display up like that anyway? That is SOOOO asking for trouble! LOL So, did you find the had? I hope so!

He & Me + 3 said...

I have never left the sticker on my shirt, but on my pants yes and those suckers are even bigger. sweet!
Ok, love the sharpie story...but the story about the sleeping bag display was just hysterical. I love it! I could totally see that happening to me too with Stunt Man, so it made me laugh harder.
You had a busy week of Not Me's.
Always entertaining! Thanks!

Shanda said...

Oh those super sonic hands the little ones have! Amazing isn't it?!?

I once left the size sticker (almost 4 inches long) on my jeans as I ran out the door one did I miss that?

Thank you for the laughter - enjoy your Monday!!

Kameron said...

Oh my. The next time I come out to visit Heather we should get our boys together. They sound like 2 peas in a pod! It might be utter chaos, but you'd better bet they'd take a good nap afterward!! :o)

Elyse said...

Itty Bitty makes me smile so big :) I have never worn a sticker out of the house either! Oh and my sister so generally pointed it out in front of my entire family at a gathering...big mouth! Have a great one :)

Pam D said...

Oh, do you ever NOT have your hands full, eh? It doesn't make me one bit tired reading about it, either! Umm, I might have left a tag or two on my clothes, but I'd never admit it, either. And I certainly did NOT go to the doctor last week for a physical and forget to shave under one armpit. That would be pretty embarrassing, no? *sigh*
Loved your "Not-Me's".. and I'm looking forward to tomorrow! Although honestly, right now? I'm on pins and needles waiting for a Stellan update. praying for our sweet little MckMiracle....

Alicia W. said...

I can't count the times I have wore a sticker out and to make it even worse, one was on the back of my pants down the leg and I was at a wedding! Yeah - talking about a OH Sh*t moment, lol.

'Great list - thanks for the laugh.

Pam said...

Hey, Friend!

Sleeping bags...hilarious! The "deafening" comment...even more funny because~well that one's obvious.

I can just see you standing there with eagle eyes watching for even a flinch within those hanging "toys" before snatching Itty Bit up and running for cover.

Yeah, you definitely should've tried the leash again.

Anonymous said...

Oh the sharpie story and picture are just priceless!! Great not me's this week!
Happy MOnday!!

Killlashandra said...

It must have been one of those bad days to shop because I sure had one of those screaming 3 year old moments at the grocery store on Saturday with W.W. that left me questioning my parenting sanity.

I am glad the shoes showed up though. :) And at least it was only ice water. LOL

Brooke said...

Happy Not Me! Monday. You always provide me with a good chuckle on Mondays :)

Anonymous said... your expense. But you did share. :)

Stacy said...

I am exhausted just reading all that! Life with Itty Bit sure keeps you on your toes. I spilled a lemonade on Brian last weekend, though, so I guess my life is quite exciting, too. Serves him right for not putting a top on it at the fountain. ;)

Jill @ Sneaky Momma said...

These are great!
My youngest is an Itty Bitty. I love how you call your little darling Itty Bit. :)

Visiting you from Elaine's...