Monday, May 25, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Mr. Daddy

Yee-haw! This week's post brought to you courtesy of a still-very-tired Mr. Daddy - who has managed to stay awake long enough to pound out this riotous story from his logging camp years.
Yes, I begged and cajoled and then laughed my butt off when I read it.
So enjoy... then grab the button and link up and old or new post that is outrageous, amazing, hilarious, or just simply almost TOO crazy to have happened to you!
Without further ado, I give you:
It Only Hurts if You Laugh

Ok Folks,

This is a story about a guy and his wee wee!!! I'm not trying to be gross, or crude... Just stating the facts, and nothing but the facts...

It all started out years and years ago...( yes Pam D. long before my need for a walker)
I was serving my apprenticeship with a company , and we were welding extensions on the bunks of log trucks and trailers. I would pre-fab the extensions and then in the evenings when the trucks came in and we had all the other work done, we would pull a truck or trailer in and a couple of us would weld the extensions on the bunks.

Now the old story is that the laziest guys around made the best welders, cuz they always got really comfortable and in good positions to do the job...

WWwweeeellll!!!! this story might disprove that theory...

The guy that I was working with that night was a big old southern boy who could get himself into some mighty comfortable positions. This particular night he decided to sit down between the duals, with the bunk positioned right over his UUUUHHHhhhh!! shall we say family jewels???

Now this put the bunk in a slightly angled position, so I perched myself on the other side of the truck on the wheels. As we proceeded to weld I kinda thought to myself, (SELF) I just don't think that I would let myself get that comfortable...

Things were going along quite nicely for a couple of minutes, until things took a decidedly bad turn for a very comfortably uncomfortable guy. We were using some pretty big welding rod with some pretty hight amperage, and I don't think that this guy paid attention in class, he got a little behind the puddle and then tried to catch up. Needless to say, he dropped a pretty big goober of molten metal,,,, UUuuHhhhh.... Yep, you guessed it right on the tippy top part of his manhood....

Me.... I'm under my own hood paying pretty close attention to detail, when I hear this blood curdling scream,,,, Now a 6' 3'' 240 pound man, should not be able to hit High C above C,,,, I swear that he broke every windowpane in the shop, it started out loud, and continued on to sound like a 747 jet winding up for take off.

I break off my arc, rip the welding hood off my head to see what all the fuss was about. Now I got to tell you about our bathroom - it was little more than a two seater outhouse with a trough (room for about three or four side by side, and two sinks) no ladies room at all...and it sat about 25 or 30 yards away from our shop.

He is already half way there still screaming and blubbering unintelligibly, and ripping at his coveralls. So I have another little conversation with myself, (Self, maybe you ought to wander over and see what all the ruckus is about.) As I get to the bathroom, I'm greeted by the sight of this guy with his coverall down about his ankles, and a fistfull of himself stretched out under the faucet. Now that in itself had to hurt I'm sure, but I guess the pain from the slag stuck to the tip was totally overriding any other sensory input from that region.

He was moaning, "get it off, get it off,,,,,, "

I said "DUDE, they didn't cover this in first aid at all,,, I'll go get you two aspirins and a band aid!!! You already have a pretty good grip on it just yank it off.. (sorry bad choice of words)
pull the slag off.... "

Well the cold water must have numbed it up pretty good by then cause he got a hold of nasty little slag piece and pulled it off..... with only a little screaming and cursing. (I cringe at the memory even now)

True to my word I went to the first aid station and got him some aspirin and gauze and tape,,,, and reported it to the supervisor so he could attend to the situation,,,, (Hey it was a logging camp, I wasn't gonna touch it,,, and besides that's what the supervisors get the big bucks for,,, right???)

A month or so later one of the other guys asked him about it, he said that it only bothered him occasionally,,,,, cause scar tissue don't stretch....


Hey, you know you laughed. So join in!


Lisa said...

Oh My Goodness.... I am in cardiac arrest here. Did you just hear me snort? Only cause my window is shut. I went to a technical college, which is a fancy word for vocational school. We had a welding department and a VERY similar thing happened. (Of course I didn't witness the undressing over in accounting, though!) Let's just say we were singing "Doug's Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire..." in the middle of spring... til graduation, of course!

Tina said...

Oh my...that had to have hurt!

I don't blame you for saying I'll get the bandaids.....that's about all I could have done also!!!

Great story.....LOL

Pam said...

HOLY GUACAMOLE, is all I can say, initially! Like you said, what was he thinking positioning himself in such a way as to set that accident in motion?!?!

As for the scar tissue comment, it must not have hurt too bad for too long. HA!

And as I've said many times already, you two need to WRITE A BOOK. PLEASE! Or maybe just compile all the True Story Tuesday stories in book form. Do you know how many people would love to have that book?

Can't wait to see what you have to say next week. Remember, you're up twice in a row this go round! ;-)

Christina said...

so funny!

hahaha, snort, hahaha

literally about to fall outta my chair here!!

He & Me + 3 said...

Oh for the love of all that is good! What a ding bat! How painful to even read. But I seriously am busting up over here. Thanks for painting such a painful picture. LOL

jennykate77 said...

Holy moley, that was funny. I realize it's probably not right to laugh at someone who had hot lava drip onto their manly parts...BUT...I did anyway. Wow, I bet that guy will never get too comfortable w/ his welding stuff being too close to his other "stuff"...seems to me you would take every precaution anyway. Lesson learned I'd have to say.

Hope you guys had a great weekend!

Carebear said...

LOL at "scar tissue don't stretch" Hahahahahaha!!!! You have no idea how badly I needed a laugh today - at the end of my rope and thought for sure I'd lost my sense of humor completely - but nope, you all can still crack me up, so thanks!

Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

Glad to see I still have some laughs in me... You are so funny....

brian said...

I'm not going to point out the many double entendre peppered throughout this post :)

This is why I leavng welding to the pros...

Funny story...I think you hit it on the head....

Stacy said...

LOL...well, I am sure he learned a lesson from this incident, right??? Oh my goodness, the poor guy! I'm sure he didn't get razzed by the guys about that AT ALL, right? ;)

Sara said...

Mr. Daddy, you always have such funny stories. Thanks for the laugh! :)

Paige said...

Hey guys! Great story! I sure got a good laugh tonight. : )

I'm so far behind on reading and commenting. Glad to see someone is on top of things! said...

oh no! you should have called 911!

Now that would have been some call!

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