Monday, May 11, 2009

True Story Tuesday

It's True Story Tuesday again! Man, did this week sneak up on y'all too?




Craziest week... celebrating 4 birthdays and Mother's Day. I've had minimal blog time... so please forgive me for not having done anything this past week that is actually True Story worthy ;)
Actually, I should be rather grateful for that, right? And of course, Mr. Daddy was all over rubbing it in my face that it wasn't his turn to share. Thanks hon.

So... join in! Did Mother's Day give you any amazing/outrageous/hilarious new stories? Did your kids give you some new ammo to bring out when they bring their first date to the house? Perhaps your toddler peed in his eye again? Oh wait, nevermind.

Just grab the button code and link up with your post - we could all use some inspiration and laughter this week!

~

Some of my longtime friends will recognize this story... and the retelling all started with Mimi's comment on this post.
So maybe there was this chick standing in front of Itty Bit and me in line and she happened to bend over. And maybe she was wearing a rather obvious brightly-colored umm... thong.

And Mimi left this sweet little comment:

He And Me + 3 said...
Ok, I totally know how you both love to snap pictures of people's cracks...LOL so I totally noticed that thong and was going to comment about it until you mentioned it, now I just won't. Nice shot Mr. Daddy:)



Oooh burn! That story again? It's totally long... you wouldn't stay awake for the ending...

So maybe there was this guy changing a tire at a gas station. And maybe I was a little shocked at some unintended exposure. And I might have tried to take a picture of it for my blog.

Of course, I'd never do such a thing, and would never have let my husband catch me doing it. Or let the big unhappy plumber guy catch me either.

Oh yikes... maybe I better let Mr. Daddy tell it... the original post is here.

Don't ask me to look at that again!!!
Really I don't know what it is??? Maybe being deaf, makes her overcompensate by being overly watchful? Not sure, "Butt" I do know that I have been called on to take in some sights lately that I would REALLLLLLY rather been blissfully unaware of...

To set the scene: We were on our way home the other night, when I realized that Rach's car was getting low on gas, As I pulled off I-5, I pulled directly into the new (and improved) Pilot station. Now being both new and improved, they have decent fuel prices and almost anything that a traveler could want. A McDonald's, a Subway, a coffee shop, bricabrac, chips, and drinks of all kinds, A truck stop where drivers can get a shower for a nominal fee.(A very busy place)

Now Itty Bit realizes that we have entered an area in close proximity to his favorite food: "FRENCH FRIES" So he starts letting us (and the world) know that he is in dire need of sustenance from Mickey D's.

As there was an opening in the last pump stall I, (very unwisely you will see) decide to fill up first.

As I pull into the very last pump opening before the entrance of the drive through to Mickey D's, I notice that there is a loaded tow truck (ramp type) with two attendants (very large) almost blocking the entrance, and they are assisting a lady with a flat tire, I get out and start to fill up, and I hear Rach GASP, and say YOU GOTTA SEE THIS." "O" how I wish she would have left me in my ignorant bliss...

I stick my head back into the car to see what all the commotion is about, Rach says, "Look at that." Attendant #1 is squatted down, (you gotta remember here that I stated they were large). Now please don't think that I am picking on large people here... We are all God's children and he loves us all. It's just that I firmly believe that (large men at least) should invest in a belt or suspenders!!!!! but I digress!

There for all to see was one of the largest Butt Crack smiles, I have ever been subjected to, as I groaned a little to myself and start to go back to my fueling responsibilties, I hear Rach mumbling, "Where did I put that camera?" Then I hear, "Mr. Daddy give me your phone!!"I'm thinking HUH??

Then the light comes on, she remembers the fishing story and owl episode....(smart gal I married) eh!Now I having been in a similar situation not to long ago, can see the story unfolding in my mind..and I am nearly ecstatic with evil glee, (remember) the memory on my phone is full, and we are way too far away for a good pic..

I can just picture in my mind Rach snapping the pic, realizing that even she will not be able to tell why she took it, and then the sneak on the unsuspecting subject to get a closer and better shot?(I can not get my phone to her fast enough)

Well as they say: the best laid plans of mice and men, Alas, as Rach rolled down her window and stuck the phone out,(to get the best photo angle I'm guessing) Attendant #2 turned and totally busted her attempt to get the largest B.C. smile in history on record for the blog. (I know we need to get a life.) LOL

Well I hear this EEEeeek! and a thump (Rach hitting floor boards) and a frantically whispered, "Get me outta here!"Me I'm kinda gasping and wheezing and snickering, (a lot) as I look over the car I realize that both, (keep in mind they are very large) are looking menacingly in our direction, my evil glee turned to terror! I wasn't sure how many it would take to kick my butt, but I was pretty sure how many they were gonna use.

Me: hon is 5 gallons enough? ~

Her: yeah sure babe! ~

Me: you sure you want a reciept? ~

Her: no I can figure it out later!just get in and lock the door............

As I get in our Ford Escape, to make our escape. I realize that Itty Bit cares not at all about what went on, he just wants his FRENCH FRIES!!Me: make sure the doors are locked!Her: they are!Me: smile and wave at the nice (big) boysHer: gulp! okay.I'm so thankful the exit is on the other side of the building....

~

Rach back in: so, in my defense I posted a reBUTTal, and trust me, it went from bad to worse...

My turn
Okay, this has gone on far too long…

Mr. Daddy decided to post that lovely little story about his sweet wifey poking her head out the window, then leaning out and angling for a better shot of a total stranger’s mostly naked bum.

Then getting totally busted by the other guy who was with him.Then their suddenly hurried exit from the gas station lot when they realized just how big those two mad dudes were.

(at the risk of obliterating any respect you might hold for me - if you haven’t read his post, I'll wait right here for ya)

So let me lay it out for y'all. I know you’ve already heard it from Mr. Daddy, but it bears some explaining. Cuz, man this story has been spreading like wildfire around here!

You know what…?

I got nothin’

It happened just like Mr. Daddy said it did.

No sense in trying to explain it.

Cuz I cannot for the life of me, figure out why I though it was even remotely a good idea to try to capture that sight on a cellphone camera… or any camera for that matter.

I mean, how do you even apologize for that?

To make matters worse… Dear Husband sits down at my family’s table on Thanksgiving and says,Rach asked me for my phone so she could take a picture of a stranger’s naked butt.

DEAFENING SILENCE

(I crack myself up with these hearing loss puns)

As one, my entire family is speechlessly looking at Mr. Daddy in horrified interest.

I AM SO MORTIFIED

My mouth turns to Play-doh and nothing intelligible comes out.

Then my aunt’s sweet na├»ve mother says in her 100% Italian voice (you know, with one eyebrow raised), “WHAAAAAAT?”

There is no place to hide, and I’m not giving up my seat for the game of Spoons.

(mumble mumble, there was this guy, mumble, full moon, mumble mumble, camera)

YOU WHAAAAAAAAT?

Everyone has even stopped eating - so shocking is this piece of news. So Mr. Daddy tells the tale in all his mock indignation and leaves the entire extended family with not a single hope for my corrupted soul.

~

I survive the brutal re-enactments and head home. To wake up to Mr. Daddy’s creative genius in print.

On our blog.

You know, the one I used to put my best foot forward on?

And the comments are UNBELIEVABLE.

Like wet-your-pants-funny.

I read two of them and realize they are another husband-wife team. I chuckle loudly until I reach the last line of the husband’s comment.

(Wife)Okay, if you open your windows you will hear my muffled laughs as I was reading this delightful story...and I am trying to keep my composure since Dw is taking an afternoon snooze on the couch not 10 feet from me giggling into the palm of my hand...What is up with men like that anyway? Can they not feel a breeze whisking its way down their cheeks?? Come on dudes! Stop grossing out the entire world! Loved it and still smirking...can't wait till he wakes up and I can read it to him...

( Husband)You "crack" me up! I'm still trying to "wipe" the smile off my face. Linny was just giggling as she read it to me. I am so very thankful your wife didn't have a zoom lens! I’m sure they were hoping not to be the "butt" of your jokes. I'm still trying to figure out how to work this into tomorrow's message... maybe a title like, "Showing your best side butt don't let your guard down."

When I got to that last line, I felt the color drain out of my face. If you know this couple, they are the fabulous ones from A Place Called Simplicity.

The part that scared the bejeebies out of me, is that this man is a
P A S T O R.

And somehow my temporary insanity is going to mean that someday at some pastors’ conference, they’re gonna talk about the 14 different versions of that “girl trying to take a picture of a guy’s backside with her husband’s phone” story.And ya know what? I’m okay being the “butt” of that joke.

~

Allright y'all... I sacrificed my dignity once again for your amusement :) I gotta say, that story is about when things started getting pretty goofy on this blog and all kinds of friends came out of the woodwork to share in the disbelief that I would do such a thing in the name of blogging. Oh, just wait... you'll be doing the same thing in no time...

Thanks Mimi, for reminding me about how much fun this was. Was anyone surprised that I got a ZOOM lens for Christmas?

Join in - we'd love to hear the background story of a Not Me episode!

14 comments:

Melissa said...

Oh Rachel You (both) really crack me up! I'm gonna have a hard time falling asleep now...I'm gonna be seeing butt crack visions!!! Thanks in advance for the dreams I'll be having!!!

Jane Anne said...

I have been enjoying True Story Tuesday a while now on Mimi and Elaine's blogs. This story just cracked me up. (Okay, I couldn't help that pun.) Hilarious!! Thank you for the laugh.

He And Me + 3 said...

I am so glad that I read this at the CRACK of dawn this morning. I love starting the day off with a laugh and a smile!
I remember all of this & it was better the second time! I know I can always leave your blog crackin a smile. I know it was bad. BUTT it had to be said.
I love your blog to the MOON and back, LOL
Mimi

brian said...

Let's see:

"Butt"
"Crack"
"Moon"

Yup, I think all the major puns have been covered :)

Guess I'm bringing up the rear, here with my comment. I'd try to think of more, but I'd probably just make an ass of myself. And that would take a lot of cheek on my part.

Oh, when will it all end?

Any way, funny story, you two. nothing like risking your life for a blog photo. Umm, by the way what exposure setting did you use?

And finally, serious note: I linked up, but my story is not funny. In fact, it's really a bring down--all serious and gloomy...Sorry. You can delete it if you want. I'll try to think of funnier stuff next time...

Pam D said...

Haven't read your post, haven't written my post.. just started catching up on some blogs and was looking at MckMama's. She posted her favorite "name that picture" captions for the Stellan/Small Fry pic and you're one of 'em, Rachel! YOU are linked from MckMama's!!!! woohooo... :<)

Christina said...

Great idea. I just posted my very first True Story Tuesday!

Lisa said...

I wondered if that was this Rachel, and totally forgot you could click on the name to see who it linked to!!! Duh me! Go rachel! My title was (in small fry's voice: "There was this one vagal maneuver I thought sounded interesting....") LOL Anyway, LOVE the post, and have mine all ready to go, well at 5 pm, when I have it scheduled. I have posted like 4 entries today, so I am spacing them out, but I will be back!

Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

Okay I just have to say it too. You guys crack me up. I just love how much fun you have together...

On my way to write my TTT post.

Pam D said...

Oh dear.. I finally made it back to read this! Butt.. I didn't crack a single smile! (riiight). I'm not sure which is worse.. Rachel trying to TAKE the pic or Mr. Daddy telling on her! To her family, no less. The shame.... it nearly put me over the moon... I'm wiping my eyes...
you two are just TOO funny!

wife.mom.nurse said...

These are so funny! I am writing my story...

")

Momma 2B said...

Lol, It is such a fun game! Yeah, it's totally cool you added me, I got a kick out of your blog so thanks for the add! True Story Tuesday is a blast!

Carebear said...

Oh shoot. I missed it this week. Can't believe it's Tuesday already!!! This story - like all the others - is hilarious. How embarrassing!!!

wife.mom.nurse said...

never did get that story finished. Darn! I truly wanted to post on Tuesday and link up.

but, it wasn't quite right yet.

This is a fun blog carnival ")

Stacy said...

Oh yes...STILL FUNNY! :) I am so not on the ball this week and I could have actually gotten some stories to tell. Hopefully I will catch up with life here soon. Anya's birthday party with her little friends is on Sunday, so hopefully after that we will be settled a bit.