After monitoring a fire academy budget for awhile, and following Brian's blog... I got to thinking about scubas.
Specifically SCBA. Self Contained Breathing Apparatus.
I started thinking about how control freaks (like me) want to, have to, need to do it on our own.
Handle it ourselves.
Else it won't get done right.
Things would be chaos.
How many times do we put on our self-contained breathing apparatus and head out to conquer?
Knowing that we've got our own air source, everything is under control.
Someone puts a kink in your oxygen line.
Their words and actions lead to consequences that you cannot control.
Battling through every disagreement depletes your reserves.
And soon you find that your oxygen has been replaced with carbon dioxide... the stuff you are supposed to let go of.
Sure. You don't need anybody. You've got your own supply. You can do it yourself.
Only the gear of self-reliance is awful heavy.
While you think it sustains you, in fact it causes you to stumble with weariness.
In Matthew 11:
28 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
It's so easy for me to skip through that verse. It's familiar and comforting, but lacks the punch of any real thinking on my part.
Until I'm tired and worn out. And I see the results of my "control". It's unhappy chaos anyway and all my exertion has only managed to keep me tethered.
Not to mention the mask gets pretty darn foggy - it's easy to lose direction.
What if I pulled it off?
Quit relying on myself as my source?
Instead of being dependent on a finite tank that can get dented, depend on the One who has an endless reserve?
Rely on the very One who gives me breath?
Pull it off and breathe deeply of the sweet air.
To exhale what I was supposed to let go of.
To shrug the heavy straps off my shoulders and let go of my "self-reliance".
To surrender what will never be controlled by me.
And to feel the wind again.