While we allow Ms. Rachel (aka "The Claw") to recover from the loss of her Ugly Friend, we bring you a fresh installment in the adventures of Mr. Daddy.
(Rachel's disclaimer: this is before I even met the guy - you'll see why I was charmed, I'm sure).
So... enjoy the brutal honesty, then grab the button on the sidebar and post your own True Story Tuesday. You know you've got something amazing, outrageous, or just gosh darn funny from long ago, begging to be shared. Add your link and join along!
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Back in the day, in a time far far away, there were two women that showed up on my porch...
That in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing...
But the events that lead us to the moment, could be considered my road to perdition...
At the time I was doing shift work. Starting time 4:45 PM, quitting time 1:15 AM which put me home somewhere around 2 in the morning if I didn't stop at the local pub to have a submarine sandwich and a brew (or two).
Well if memory serves correctly, I stopped... and had a couple...got home rather late...had plans to go golfing with my future father-in-law at 7:00 AM
Let me explain myself a little here.
I HATE TO BE LATE....(or have someone waiting on me)
The alarm went off at around 6:15am which was about right for a normal situation. (Right?) Rrrriiiiiight!!
The couple was a few too many, and getting home at around 3 or so in the morning is not conducive to popping outta bed at 6:15... YUP!!! Hit the snooze and slept right through the next few alarms...
Next thing I know someone is banging on the front door, like they have a need to use the bathroom....(BAD)
I peer through bleary eyes to see that it is around 7:15 or so, Crap I'm LATE!!!!!!
Now I never got into the habit of sleeping in the raw, but being the good old redneck that I am it seems a little ridiculous to put on clothes to go to bed....
Sooooooooo... my tighty whities, or Fruit of the Looms, BVD's, briefs or whatever else you would like to call them sufficed quite nicely, thank you very much...
As the banging pierced through my sleep-fogged mind, my only thought was "O" man I overslept and I want a shower. Reminiscent of the good man in the Night Before Christmas ode, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter...(and let my good ole future father in law in, figuring that he could get the coffee going whilst I got my shower....)
Did I mention that I hate to be LATE.... or have someone waiting on me????
Yup! Headed for the front door on the dead run... Just me and my briefs... hair all disheveled, eyes feeling like to two pee holes in a snow bank, and a day or two of stubble on my chin.
Probably not my most defining moment...
Throw open the door, and say,
Commmmeee -iiiiiiiiiin- AAAAAaaaaaHHHHhhhhhh!!!!!
There on my very own front porch....... At 7:15 AM Yessssssssss!!!!! AM stands two matronly Jehovah's Witness saints......holding a Watch Tower magazine.... with a total deer in the headlights look.
I'm really not sure who was the most surprised...
But I can tell you with some smug satisfaction who had the quicker wit......
It was like what Melody at Slurping Life talked about the other day.... an Epoch of Clarity!!!
A moment of divine inspiration....
A total Here's Your Sign moment....
.
.
.
I shouted out... DO YOU WANT TO PARTY????????
In retrospect that might not have been such a great idea...
What if the two poor old ladies would have fainted from the sheer fright of the ghastly spectacle before them, and I would have to have administered first aid in my Tighty Whities, and my future father in law and the pastor that he brought with him showed up....
Does divine inspiration, or epochs of clarity happen twice in the same day????
Probably not, but I'm sure I would of thought of something... *snicker*
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26 comments:
Why do I always feel like starting these comments with "DUUUUUDE!"
I still can't get over the fact that you scared the living daylights out of those poor Jehovah's Witnesses.
Nor can I get over the fact that they came to the door again THIS MORNING looking for ME. Ahem, probably still SCARED of you ;)
And just because you are still in dire need of some payback, I'll divulge to our bloggy friends that you had originally typed "TIDY Whities" throughout this post.
And it made me giggle so hard reading it, that I wanted to make sure your friends knew that I corrected it because I really do love the fact that they are cute little TIGHTY Whities.
;) Oh geez. I think I'm actually more embarrassed than you.
On second thought - bombs away, my friends!
I'll have you know that my whities were always "TIDY" and I bought them an extra size bigger so they weren't to "tighty". Guess I should of just went with boxers????
and speaking of those POOR Jehovah's witness's they could of at least left me a magazine, in payment for the comic relief I provided them???
Not to worry DEAR. They left TWO for me today...
(no offense to any Jehovah's Witnesses - but I've been hounded recently because they've located a member who knows sign language... OY)
ok...laughing so hard I am crying!! But at least now I know what to do the next time they show up on my door step!!
That is funny, I am sure you gave them something to remember for a long time.
Anne
I shall file that line away for future reference. Right now, I can't think of a single instance where I could put it to good use, but you never know.
(Dear Lord, please be with Rachel and Itty Bit. Please keep them safe from the influence that is Mr. Daddy; I know Your arm is long and Your shadow is wide, but I just don't know that you can fully protect them from Tidy Whitey man. Just gotta trust and obey...
Oh... and just exactly WHAT do you call your Depends? Ohhhhh... I get it... THOSE are the TIDY whities.....
Pam D. not to worry your prayers are answered...
that incident happened years and years ago... long before any need of walkers and depends...LOL
and it is probably way to much info. but I have long since switched to boxers... ROFL
"TIDY Whities and Party all in the same sentence is my kind of fun! LOL - That SO sounds like something my hubbs would do to those pesky am door knockers.
I am just shocked at the time of the morning they visited...surely they had seen a few more tighty whities than just yours that day. :) Maybe that is why they go knocking so early. LOL
Too funny. I am laughing harder at your response. You are so witty and quick on your feet.
Oh, you are too funny! Well, it serves them right for knocking on the door at 7:15 AM. What the heck??? Who does that???
Here you would be SOL on stopping by the bar on your way home, though. They close at 12am. It was a bit too early in my "party party!" years, but now it is a good excuse to call it a night at that time. Like we ever go out anymore, though...HAHA!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
That's a GREAT one Mr. Daddy! And the fact that you included one of my favorite sayings "two pee holes in a snowbank" made me laugh even more. Living in the Deep South, you really don't ever hear things like that. No snow, ya know. That is until my friend, Nancy, who originally hails from Minnesota, said it. I truly didn't get it. I had to ask for an explanation. Sad but true. Everytime I hear it I think of her. Think that's my sign to give her a call.
Great story! Kinda reminds me of my True Story Tuesday coming up later.
oh my gosh, that was my AUNT!
The women at the hall and I have always feared this.
LOL!
Did you buy it?
Great story!!!
:)
OMG- I don't think I could even laugh I was so shocked reading this! Isn't there a law that prohibits knocking on someone's door before 10am? I'm a little disappointed that they only got a peep show and not something more likely to send them away for good. I mean really- didn't they mark your door with a big red "X" to remind them not to come back?
I snorted Dr. Pepper on my screen when I read that Mr. Daddy wrote "Tidy" whities, just so you know. That was just the icing on the cake. I was already losing it. That is just so stinking hilarious. I don't even have a comment on it. I am speechless! LOL And Rachel, just have one of your animals bite them, and they will not come back for a while. Worked for us! (Accident, but true!)
Rachel- Small, Dick. ROFLMAO!
Oh gosh. I just realized. That has nothing to do with Mr. Daddy! Just commmenting back on a comment on my post. Geez, what was I thinking?
Oh dear. The comment thread is getting even crazier than usual!
Chica, I can get in here! I think they unlocked you.... ???
Yeah, I got in too. Don't know why someone would report you as spam. Maybe Mr. Daddy's tidy whities scared someone into reporting you! OK, I'll stop being so snarky now. Love y'alls blog, don't cut me off at the knees already!
I can't believe your site has been issued a warning! LOL What did Mr. Daddy do now?!?! LOL I just wanted to say that you were right about Jon & Kate, they both did look defeated. I believe kate would give it a try, judging from how crushed she truly looked but I just think Jon has reached the end of his rope, whosever fault that may be. Not really for me to say, just to judge my opinion on, which I don't think I was really supposed to do. They let things get out of hand, and it is sometimes too hard to go back. But, what is that famous old saying, hindsight is 20\20? Hope your bloggy issues are soon resolved, and your hand keeps getting better! Missed you last week! Lisa S.
Awesome story!! I love it!
If they were banging down my door at 7:15 they would have gotten an earful and maybe a show. ;o)
Oh my, you two keep me laughing. Hoping you get the blogger issue resolved, how weird. I've been thinking and praying lots for you.
OMG soooo funny
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