Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Rachiana Jones and the Cabinets of Doom

Alternatively titled: "I Fought The Marshmallow Creme and the Marshmallow Creme Won"

Good Lord.
What was I thinking?

Keep in mind that we are in the midst of a heatwave... it's 90 degrees on the porch and it's almost 9pm. Remember this? It's worse!

Mr. Daddy was out of town for work and I'd felt spectacularly unproductive. You know how lethargic you can get when you're melting? Yeah...

So in a last ditch attempt to prove that I'd done something other than sweat off 11 pounds, I embraced spontaneity and dove headlong into the cupboards.

And ladies, you know what I'm talking about here... it's like a step back into another era.

Where you suddenly realize that logo on your cake mixes is now considered the "Classic" Betty Crocker design.

And that Orville Redenbacher's signature on that popcorn label was probably original.

And that the pure vanilla extract is probably considered an alcoholic beverage by now.

And anytime you see the year 2006 anywhere on the box is not a good sign.

Did you know that jello mix expires? I mean, seriously?!?

The lovely Ghiradelli chocolate chips had melted into one solid brown blob... lovely. I'm telling ya - even the coconut flakes were sweatin'.

I also realized that my hubs is a complete doofus every time he claims we've run out of raspberry jam. Dear, there are SIX jars of raspberry jam in the pantry... all yours.

I was relentless. I was ruthless. I took no prisoners.
If the "best by" date was past, it went bye-bye without question.

Even the (sob) ice cream.

See, whenever we have company over, we grab a couple kinds of frozen deliciousness. Serve a couple scoops, then stick them in the freezer and promptly forget about them.

So, in my industriousness and devotion to my recycle regimen - I decided to let all 14 of them thaw out in the sink for awhile.

This led to a spectacular new flavor of drain clog: cherry chocolate chip fudge toffee rocky road mint strawberry coffee pistachio. It was a marvelous foamy mess.

After an hour of hot water doing the trick, I spotted another wayward ingredient.

Behold... the Jet-Puffed:

It was this jumbo-sized awkward unstackable thing - that was guilty of expiring in April. Only... it was in a glass jar. Remember the whole devotion to recyling thing?

Yeah, it bit me bigtime.

So I get the hot water going and let it run into the shiny little twirl at the top of the jar.

It doesn't even make an indentation.

Time for the big guns. I stick my fingers in and the stuff is like Play-doh and honey mixed together. Still can't get it out of the blasted jar.

In a fit of brilliance, I shove my entire hand in, barely displacing the thick goo, and attempt to scoop it out.

Uh yeah... except that the stuff fills my hand and freezes it in a scoop position to the point that, yes my friends, I was the proverbial monkey trapped by a jar.

I stood there (still melting, mind you) trying to spray hot water into the jar around my hand to free it. Yes, my entire house smells like slightly burnt sugar and paraffin. My hands are softer than ever. And that's the second drain clog of the night.

Who on earth gets themselves into these kinds of predicaments? No worries, I'll be that friend for you.

Monday, July 27, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Rachel

Hey y’all, ready for this week’s True Story Tuesday?

It’s a chance to give us the whole story of what exactly happened on that Not Me Monday. Or to share what seems too amazing/outrageous/miraculous to have happened in real life.

I know there’s a zillion great stories already written buried in your old posts… so it would be easy-peasy to just link up and share your stuff! So… please join along! Grab the button and share a link to your post about anything amazing, outrageous, hilarious, embarrassing, or miraculous, (and mostly-true) that has happened to you!


Apologies, but I had a day from heck - so this is short but risque sweet.

This is gonna be one of those “names changed to protect the innocent” deals where I get to pick out some aliases for some folks I dearly love.

Crazy Love

So… meet Great-Uncle Jasper and Great-Aunt Daisy. They are both in their later years… 70’s, possibly 80's?

Itty Bit was only a few months old when they hosted a large holiday feast at their home. And as all tiny babes do, Itty Bit generously provided a terrific public blowout.

It was a doozy. Through the onesie, through the pants, down to his socks… you get the picture.

Great-Uncle Jasper showed me to their room and graciously offered to let me change the kiddo’s diaper on their bed.

In the middle of juggling a squirmy baby and a handful of dirtied clothes, I knocked down something on the nightstand.

I grabbed it and stuck it back up, then gasped.

Then giggled.

Then guffawed.

Then stuck my kiddo on my shoulder and shook uncontrollably with laughter.


Yeah… you try sitting through dinner knowing there’s a jumbo bottle of A$troglide in your elderly relatives’ bedroom.


And yes, Mr. Daddy pretended he was not amused by my hysterial giggles, but cracked a smile or two...

Sooo… I know you can outdo this! Join along and share your outrageous/miraculous/amazing story!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Look away! Look away!

Seriously... is it too much to ask that both of my boys look the same direction for a photo?

At the Falls

The Falls another day

anddddd switch...

Tractor time

and switch again...

See what I mean?

I'm starting to get a complex about this "coincidence" every time the camera comes out...

And yes, the above shot was at the park... same day as the infamous this...
What are your tricks for getting kiddos (small and grown) to look at the camera?

Monday, July 20, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Mr. Daddy

Can't believe it's True Story Tuesday already - are y'all ready to grab the button and link up to your own amazing/outrageous/hilarious and mostly true story? We'd love to have you join in and share the fun!

Calling Falling For It

Bugling for elk in the early fall has been a passion of mine for a long, long time. As has been yukering people with a good practical joke.

So being able to combine the two, would be as close to nirvana as I could put myself.

Being up in the high mountains at the crack of dawn, and watching to world come awake - the sun peeking over the horizon, the morning mist shrouding the high mountain meadows, birds chirping, and the small sounds of the start of day....

Then high above you on a tree covered ridge the piercing whistle and full blown grunting of a bull elk, challenging all comers. Then across the draw, the thundering reply as the challenge is acknowledged and accepted.. "O" yeah game on.

The sneak to get into position, always conscious of the shifting wind, and any undue motion that will give you away. A few calf calls, and some se*xy cow chirping to mask any sound that you make, while you get into a position to do some challenging of your own...

If everything works JUST right, you might be rewarded with the experience of your life:

a 1,ooo or so pound bull all juiced up to kick your A@@, and take no prisoners.....

I have had them as close as 12 to 15 feet, eyes blood red, snot streaming from both nostrils, literally peeing all over themselves (yeah they do that, some kind of elk ritual I guess). When they are worked up to that fevered a pitch, they are looking to kick some serious booty baby...

And that my friends, is some of the reasons for my passion for bugling elk....

My other passion???? Well, it all started out innocently enough...

There were some people over from Australia visiting the church that I attended, in a life long ago and far, far away...

And as it was about this time of year my neck was starting to swell and my eyes were getting all glassy, just thinking about the up and coming elk season...

One of the fellows from down under was quite taken with all the talk of camping out in the high country and all the stories of calling the wild and wily Wapiti. (that's the Indian name for an elk)

Now as you all know (I am sure) there are no wild or wily Wapiti (or elk) in the land down under... and I'm not sure, but I think that he was rather skeptical that you could actually call in an elk...

And it was in that moment that the idea was born in my devious little mind to, shall we say, milk it for all that it was worth...

Every time that we were around each other he would bug me to demonstrate an elk call... Me, I just gave him all kinds of lame duck excuses why I could not do it at that particular time...

Things had to be just right...ya know, mood lightingm the right settings, my vocal cords were strained from all the worship training that we were giving them.. .You name it and I pretty much used it....

Now you must understand that it had become very common knowledge that he wanted to hear an elk call, and that I was working on giving him the very best that I had, to give...

SSSSSssssOOOOOOooooooooo, the day before they were to leave, we were all at a big get together, and I calmly announced that I thought that I had every thing in order for the best elk call that he would ever hear....

The moon was in the seventh house, and jupiter was aligned with Mars...I had found my center, and my third eye was focused on the task at hand...

"O" yeah baby.... he was taking the bait really good and I was feeding him some line.....

The time was almost right, but not quite....

I gathered them all around the podium, and announced that it was now or never,

I clasped my hands, gently bowed my head and started my warm up....

It started with a soft wispering hum, a few fa la la's, a gentle cough, stretched my neck and rolled my head around a few times....

Opened my eyes and look at him and asked him if he was ready for it????

He answered in the affirmitive....

Every one present was hanging in the balance...Waiting, and Waiting

I lowered my head, sucked in a big lung full of air........

and gently called out......



there was a collective gasp from every one present.

The total Deer In The Headlight look from my friend from down under!!!!!

And then the thunderous roar of laughter from all present....

And that my friends is how you call elk for an Aussie.....(or anyone else that will guppy up for you) *snicker*


So, whaddya waiting for? Link up and share your own escapades!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Weekend Ketchup

So today didn't start out all that great. A rather rude awakening with a "your horse is out" call.

I'm not gonna say I told you so about the hotwire, but y'all can sweetly inform Mr. Daddy that I told him so about the hotwire.

Unfortunately, dad-in-law's vegetable garden was the casualty. I felt lower than the pile of manure sitting in the middle of his rows of corn.


The kid had a pretty awesome weekend... he got to take a few quad rides.

Please... take a moment to observe the atrocity that is Itty Bit's haircut... this was after interjecting a few "helpful hints" to the stylist.

"A duckbill"
"Maybe a little shorter here?"
"Number 2 setting on the clippers"
"Not so long on the bangs"
"Exactly like the kid sitting next to him"
Somehow - this is what we wound up with. I cut his bangs in half after giving up with the hints. *sigh*


Then he got to go on a for-reals train ride with Thomas the Tank Engine.
Think he had a good time?

He got nervous by the constant "peeping" that Thomas was doing. He kept saying, "it's alright Thomas!"
They had activities for the kids, and of course Itty Bit wanted to hang out and play with the trains the whole time.

Don't let me get started about spoiled kids who terrorize the rest of them while their tanned and pedicured parents stand idly by and do nothing. Yes, I mean you, Ms. Pretending Not To Notice Your Blonde Un-Cherub is Screaming "MOVE!" at Every Other Kid in the Place.

I love how my mother just subtly places herself between the boys to keep Itty Bit from getting mowed down again.

Seriously, we sat right behind Thomas himself! I couldn't figure out why there was room up there when we were almost last on the train.

Turns out, the windows don't open in that car... and it was HOT! We sweated our way through a wonderful ride with many happy children.
Look, it's Thomas right in front of Itty Bit!

After the ride, a staff member barely escaped the phenomenon known as Rachel Mouthing Off.

See the picture below? If you wanted to pay $72.99 and have an "official" picture of yourself with Thomas, you could stand in line with all the other unlucky folks who forgot their cameras.
Otherwise, you could do like us - and the 50 other people who ultimately ended up just posing in front of Thomas and snapping away.

The dude in the tent for some reason singled us out and started hollering at us.


(while his partner was positioning people next to Thomas at the tracks)

Oh my gosh - then maybe they shouldn't be making mega bucks by holding events on the train tracks.

Apparently the risk is tolerable for him, as long as someone is paying to stand on the tracks.

Oy. He escaped without a talking to, but everyone else within earshot got to hear my disbelieving "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?"

Whatever. Itty Bit still had a wonderful time, and the poor kid happily crashed while holding Toby (who he hysterically calls "Tooby").


If that were not enough... the next day was LAKEFAIR! The annual carnival and parade at the waterfront. It was a beautiful day!

(side note: you spend decent $$ to get a lovely boat like this, and this is the best name you can come up with? OUCH)

I was totally convinced that this ride and its fast turns would be too much for Itty Bit. I told Mr. Daddy it was a lose-lose situation. If he got scared, he was gonna cry. If he liked it, it was gonna be a lifetime of begging to go on all the crazy rides.

Take a peek. And what cracked me up, was that I later realized Mr. Daddy had gotten my still-nervous smile in the reflection below the ride, ha ha.

Remember last time we tried the roller coaster? This time was much better!

Then he was having so much fun driving a dump truck, he just couldn't stand it.

This was a favorite... the controllers made the spaceship go up and down. He was DRIVING!!! (Everytime I try to get a shot of him having fun lately, he shoots me that underbite smile - too funny)


This is life around our place... a hard working Mr. Daddy taking a break to carry a dirt-mover-crazy boy over to play on a new toy.

This shot makes me feel so blessed to have these boys in my life.


And what could possibly be better than ending your weekend eating oatmeal cookies on the couch while watching Princess Bride for the first time ever?

I got it good.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Not so speechless

Remember my late night ramblings from yesterday?

Where I was blown away witnessing a big bad biker dude - a'la Toby Keith - wearing what appeared to be a lovely silk ruffled blouse?

(Yes, Pam D - why do these kind of crazy moments happen to ME? )

First off... if I had been able to capture the scene in megapixels, you bet your sweet bippy I would have grabbed the nearest digital device.

Except, I didn't have a camera with me,
my phone camera is circa 1987,
(what does a deaf person need a cell phone for anyway???),
and me and the dude were approaching eachother at 45 mph from opposite ends of a curve.

Kinda bad timing to be fumbling for a phone, eh? Not to mention, I am adamantly convinced that taking photos of large men in questionable attire is unadvisable. Remember???

So... remember I was telling you before about my lovely friend, wife.mom.nurse?
I am convinced that this woman can find something positive to say about anything (she's a Labor and Delivery nurse... I bet that comes in handy during transition, no?)

Soo... this is what she had to say about Mr. Showing Off My Chest Hair While Riding My Harley in a Silk Ruffled Blouse...

See what I mean? Everyone needs a nice friend like her. Especially on the first hot day of the year, and you realize that none of last summer's clothes fit you anymore.

They all shrank. (No comments Mr. Daddy - thankyouverymuch).

She gave him a good excuse. It might have even worked, if she hadn't seen this:

Just imagine black polka dots on it, the beautiful way silk moves in the wind, some curly chest hair and a goatee and you've got my big bad biker dude.

Now, if he's going to a Renaissance festival or a pirate convention in this outfit, there is no doubt in my mind that this dude must be able to kick most people's butt.

(umm, except my dad's. cuz, ya know, my dad can beat up everyone else's dad. thus sayeth me in fourth grade.)

I'm thinking he's more Charlie's Angels than Hells Angels?

Friday, July 17, 2009


Rounding through the S curve, enjoying the sunshine and rare drive alone.

A loud rumble approaching... a big bike like those Itty Bit adores, with a matching big biker.

Perfect day for a ride, right?

Dry roads
Harley motor growling underneath you
Sushine reflecting off your sunglasses
And the wind blowing through your...

and the wind blowing through your...


and the wind blowing through your



The chesthair revealed by the plunging neckline was just too much for this chick.

And of course, no camera with me.

Beat that.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Andale andale!

Am I allowed to say it's been one of those months? Not just a week or a day, but a whole month of craziness?

And y'all would be nodding in sympathy, cuz it's been crazy for you too?

Instead of, you know, throwing virtual tomatoes at me for being so behind on passing along some lovely awards? :)

This post has been sitting half-finished in my computer... mocking me every time I log in. The sheer number of links was terrifying to fathom, ha ha. Here we go!

Sarah from Standing Tall Through Everything passed along the True Friendship award. She's a bloggy veteran (from before I even knew what a blog was!) and manages to mix the serious make-you-think stuff with a sense of humor. Her post about donuts about convinced me to drive 45 minutes for one of those HOT NOW Krispy Kremes! Thanks Sarah!


Pam D. from Life By the Creek passed along the Golden Heart Award. Ironic, because that the award exemplifies what I think of her! She has a ministry of encouragement via blog comments... When things are yucky, you can count on some pee-your-pants-funny comment love from our class clown. Then she turns around and blows you away with a heartfelt lesson. We love you Pam D. Even if you do think lizards are cool.


Our newest bloggy friend is Julie from Foursons, who passed along this sweet One Lovely Blog Award. Since she's so new to our blog, I'm guessing we haven't managed to offend her with our stories of un-lovely revenge and and general goofiness. Though quite frankly, her blog is a riot and she is my kinda girl - since she nominated me for my "gnarly wrist" ;)


Is it strange to consider blog friends part of a TRUE FRIENDSHIP? I don't think so... our lives can be so busy, that just opening your email and seeing encouragement, advice, humor, and prayers in your email inbox... is proof that friends don't always need to be next door.

Since I also consider these friends to have Golden Hearts and Lovely Blogs - I'd love to pass along these awards to them! Here are five bloggy frienships I've made - I hope you'll visit and become friends too!

Pam from Twenty Little Piggies. Yes - she's a frequent awardee... cuz she is just that kind of friend. She's been a listening ear at the other end of the keyboard and when she says she'll pray, I know she does.

Linny from A Place Called Simplicity. This woman puts me to shame and inspires me all at once. She's living the dream of having a boatload of kids.

Lisa from Our Life With Dylan keeps me laughing and one of those people who I know "gets" my funky humor. You definitely want her on your side while planning any kind of shenanigan :)

Shana from Blaze 'N' Crochet is a sweet gal with a heart of gold. And it's so easy to totally relate when she posts about how much she loves her own little miracle boy.

And Julie from Foursons... yes, I know it's not polite to do a tag back, so just take the other two awards and RUN! :)


And Shana tagged me for the Sixth Photo in the Sixth Folder challenge... let's see:

You're welcome Mom, for posting a picture of your butt.

Though let's be honest here... it's a rather cute little tush.

I'm making it worse, aren't I?

So let's talk about the three little munchkins hitching a ride. This was my sister's birthday (remember this?) That's Itty Bit and his cousins. And their chauffeur (with a cute butt). Tag... would love to see your pictures!

Thanks for sticking with me for this long (and long overdue!) post... catch up with you soon!

Monday, July 13, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Rachel

That's right! I know you guys have some funny, amazing, outrageous, awesome, and mostly-true stories to share this week, right?! You can grab the True Story Tuesday button from the sidebar and link up to any post that meets the definition above - even if they were from waaaay back.

Unfortunately, this one is far too recent, and still rather painful for me.

Drive-By Thru Robbery

Soo0, Itty Bit and I are frantically racing against the clock to get to the bank on time to make a deposit. I mean, we were calmly and lawfully obeying all traffic laws as we made our way to the financial institution in an expeditious manner.

We pull up 8 minutes before closing time and zip up to the drive-thru lane.


Throw the deposit slip and measly coinage into the little vacuum tube thingie and push the button to watch the Jetsons contraption work its magic.

(Oh come on, you know you love it too).

The pretty lady in the window waves apologetically and points to the phone glued to her ear. She mouths "sorry" and holds up one finger. You know, that universal sign language that means I'm gonna be sitting for awhile?

So, 7 minutes and 30 seconds later she finally gushes, "so sorry about that, thanks for waiting".

By then, Itty Bit is thoroughly unamused and ready to jet.

Whine, whine, whine, whine.

"Oh! Do you have a puppy in there?"

Sorry, what?

"Do you have a puppy?"

Umm. Noooo....

"Oh, cuz, you know, we have these" (holding up a doggie treat)

(trying not to laugh)

Umm, no thanks.

Whine, whine, whine, whine.

"OH! You have a little boy!"

(grinning as she backtracks and starts to redden)


"Would he like a sucker?"

(hollering from the back seat) SUCKERRRRRR!!!!

"The blue ones are the best!"


She sticks everything into the Jetsons tube and Itty Bit and I are once again entranced by the little messenger's flight. Especially now that it carries something much more valuable than money... a BLUE SUCKER!

Thank you so much! (as Itty Bit has already ripped the wrapper off and planted the sticky sugar into his mouth.)

I grab the receipt out, try to figure out the balance, shove my pen and wallet back into my purse, and turn around to shriek at the sudden sight.

Seriously folks, half the kid's face went instantly blue with this sucker. If I'd have been thinking, I would have grabbed a shot of it. But as you will soon see, I was most definitely not thinking.

Rather, I was already two blocks away at the store, trying to get up the courage to march in and demand an exchange for a $29.50 tube of mascara in a smashed box.

(See, I asked for Black, and the girl couldn't read. I got home to realize she gave me Navy. Yeah... I am about 20 years too old for that. But apparently Itty Bit is just the right age to smash the box up. I was too embarrassed to try to exchange it. Anyone want some blue Lancome Definicils Mascara?)

I digress.

The point was... I was gone.

Until, I looked down in horror to see this:

Oh dear Lord in Heaven... I did NOT just steal the drive-thru Jetson money thingie.

And even worse.

Oh dear Lord in Heaven, I have to go put it back.

This thing sits in my lap mocking me the whole way back. Itty Bit is thoroughly confused (and his lips have now sealed in one super sticky blue mess).

I am so screwed if this is on some kind of bank camera.

I pull up to the parking lot curb, set the brake, dash out with the stolen goods and find the poor lonely vacuum tube. I throw the Jetsons money thingie (would someone please tell me what they're called?) and race back to my car.

Of course, several customers are available as an audience and I am fabulously mortified.

Seriously... I should have just kept it and made it into one of these cute purses, eh? Then at least I would have known what to call it!

The ironic thing is... Mr. Daddy said this wouldn't make a long enough story for True Story Tuesday. Umm yeah hon... don't throw down a challenge like that to a woman who knows how to talk ;)

So... you know you've got a story like this buried somewhere in family legend, or in recent history. Join in and share - we'd love to read your funny, amazing, or outrgageous True Story Tuesday tale!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Hippo Birdy Two Ewe!

Hey y'all... it's Pam D's Birthday today!

AND....Seeings as she turned 29 AGAAAAIIIINNN!!! (for what it is it now Pam? like 20 or 30 times in a row now) with Rach's help I thought that I would put together a little pictorial for her in celebration of what IS, or will be soon....*snicker* SSssssOOOOoooooo, without further ado...


If you have fallen and you can't get up, the MedAlert system might be an option???? And it might behoove you to look into it before too many more 29th birthdays come around
And for getting around you might consider this sleek new style walker, dual front wheel for complete stability, zero-turn radius, a dual brake control set up for quick stops. With plenty of storage space for those little shopping excursions.

What would this stage of our life be with out this.....

The new and improved SUPER duper Poligrip... (I think that this one is pretty self explanatory.)


If you follow her blog at all you will already know that this is one super busy Momma, She has MAD skilzzzzzz. With all of her abilities that are present now, she will probably add a few more to her repertoire...


Rach being the gem of a gal that she is and quite up on all the latest technology in hearing aid equipment, she found this state of the art hearing aid, BBBAAAAWWWWWHHHAAAAA!!!! snort, cough, wheeze,,,chortle....(gasp) BBBBaaaaAAAAAHHHHAAAA!!! (sorry Pam got a visual for a second)

Just check this baby out.....
A fully functional Motoped. Complete with pheunmatic tires, fully free floating suspension. (for that easy ride) dual arm rests, single mirror, dual mirrors optional. Headlight, tail light optional (if you think you will be out later than 8 PM....) dual hand brake controls...with a new and improved state-of-the-art throttle control pedal...

ONE SWEET RIDE!!!!! Momma!!!!
Forget the Ensure Baby, this new product will give you all the energy and sustanance you need..
It is nutritionally balanced for energy, with 26 Vitamins & Minerals PLUS Proteins (and we all know how much we need this for the golden years)....

This one just speaks for itself!!!!!

Another benefit Pam, no more waiting around at the dentist.... Just pop them babies out, have them attended to while you take your new ride out for a spin....

This surely must be for the gentler gender????? Us guys just push our walker aside and attend to business.... grab said walker and go on about our day... This will give you that helping leverage to get on about your buisness....

And yes we have thought of everything.... those old aching bones and joints just don't work like they used to,, and it is not right to expect the loved ones in your life to trim your toenails so they don't poke holes in your ankle nylons, this little invention might be just the ticket....

(intermission while Rach has a coughing fit)

For when your arms are just not long enough!!!! (Cuz we sure don't want you to quit blogging!)
And if you cannot afford that nice sweet ride or that wheeled walker won't get into the tight places, there is always the dependable spread bottomed walking cane... this is also the ultimate security device to beat them young men off (or giant catfish... whichever you encounter).

Yes for unbeatable protection, with that new and improved fit, you can always depend on DEPENDS.....

Yes Pam (anything is possible) *grin*

And for all you people that have little ones and have watched Madagascar eleventy hundred times... If I ever have the honor or pleasure to go to Georgia and meet Pam in person???? This is what I'm expecting to meet after this post!!!!

Hope you have a great birthday!


Hey everybody, want to go show some bloggy love to our elderly friend? Head on over and leave a comment... hey, it's nicer than TP'ing her house or forking her lawn, right?