Sunday, August 02, 2009

Not Me Monday!

It’s Not Me Monday again!

Come join for some free therapy!


It’s been awhile for Not Me Monday, but aren’t y’all glad that Stellan is feeling better?!?!


Such a perfect Mother-of-the-Year candidate… I’d never allow my kiddo to water plants with a *gasp* glass. And totally not me who freaked out about the “BROKE IT” and blood on his face. I would never overestimate my kiddo’s safety skills like that.


Not me who finally was enticed by a 30% off coupon to brave Old Navy again. I was not totally checking out all the employees to make sure they hadn’t recognized me from the last time almost a whole year ago… I didn’t want them to kick me out or anything. Cuz, you know a sale beats out shame any day.


Guess what Mr. Daddy didn’t teach Itty Bit how to do?


Not me who ignored the law of tired kids and dared to take my whiny Itty Bit to the grocery store.

And despite my deafness, it was not me who was keenly aware that he was THAT KID who cried and whined and threw fits the entire time.

And most assuredly, it was not me who was mortified when (for the first time ever), the little guy actually flat out slapped me. It was not so hard and so loud that a passerby actually stopped to ask me if I was okay.

When it was all said and done – I was not tearfully sitting there with a toddler, realizing that he had actually

(Oh yeah… Itty Bit did not get spanked for that. Uh-huh).


While taking a quad ride behind the house, it was not me who was cheerfully chewing a piece of gum. Not me who suddenly realized that something had flown into my mouth.

And of course, it was not morbid me who gagged and spit my gum out into my hand to check out the damage. UGH.


Not me who ran errands in PUBLIC, with a huge piggy sticker that my lovely son had bestowed upon me… perfectly placed on my shirt over my belly button. Just out of sight for me, but not a million other people.


Not Insomniac Me who zombied through our bedtime routine and realized too late that I had put Thomas the Train fruity toothpaste on my toothbrush… just in time to not hear Itty Bit howl “hot toothpaste” and realize the switcheroo.


And at our local fair, we did not laugh uproariously as my mother, Jo, and Itty Bit had a bit of a pitstop during their Scrambler ride. See, the woman in the yellow car behind them had not gone back and forth deciding whether to ride. When she finally got on and the ride started… she did not loudly began to pray. To the point of wailing:
Help me Jesus!

Oh help me Lord!

Oh God! Save me!

Oh Jesus don’t let me die!



As you can see, my mother was completely sympathetic and we were standing at the gate totally serious and not howling with laughter.

Even the young carnie guy was totally empathetic and was not even cracking a smile when he slowed the ride down.


Oh thank you God for saving me!

Thank you Lord for not letting me die!

Whoo hoo! Amen and AMEN!


So… go check out what everyone else didn’t do this week!


Hey y’all – come back tomorrow for this week’s True Story Tuesday – where we link to stories that actually happened… ya know, in real life. Join in – we’d love to hear the unedited version of a Not Me episode!


City girl turned Country Girl said...

Oh my gosh!! You are totally hilarious!!! Love the picture of that lady!!! BA HA HA LOL!!

Brandi said...

So funny! Ha! My little one calls it "spicy" toothpaste. I forgot to pack his toothpaste, so we've been going through "spicy" fits every morning when we brush teeth. Don't feel bad . . . I've been slapped right in the face too. It ALWAYS happens in public, doesn't it? :)

Floortime Lite Mama said...

OMG this was priceless - soo sooo sooo sooo funny

renee said...

hilarious! :)

Emily said...

absolutely hilarious!!! I once walked around all day with a sticker that said, "I'm a BIG girl" on my fanny.

Stacy said...

OH my goodness...I would be howling with laughter at that lady, too!

As for ON...I've done the banning of stores before only to be enticed by a good sale. Darn it. My convictions can be bought! ;)

Sorry to hear that Itty Bit slapped you...I have a tendency to start laughing when they do that. Somehow it only makes them more indignant. Not that they don't get punished for it, though...

Foursons said...

Maybe Itty Bit thought the slap was sign-language for "MOM! I'm pissed at you and you must pay attention to that fact!" *sigh*

You've had an incredibly rough week from the sounds of this post. So sorry I laughed at all your mishaps!

Pam D said...

Those were hilarious! Ah yes, the toothpaste (Bug Hunter calls it spicy, too, City Girl.. or Country Girl.. or whichever you are now..). And the piggy sticker... rofl... except that it would have been MUCH funnier on me. *sigh*
And then, the slap. Ouch. That DOES hurt, doesn't it? My boy was a biter, so I ended up with a huge bite mark on my leg once. Ugly, yes it was (Yoda I think I may be turning into, yes I am). I think I've been editing PTA files too long, what think you?

He & Me + 3 said...

Those were great! Cracking up at the lady at the fair. lOl Too funny. Oh I have been hit too. Not so fun. Did Itty Bitty say into the fan "Luke, This is your father" not that he would get it, but that is the best thing to say into a fan. LOL

Jane Anne said...

I was sympathizing and feeling really sorry for you with the shopping episode. (Nope, never been there- not me!) And THEN, I read about the lady on the ride. Now that was hi-larious! Thanks for that laugh. I could just hear her. Oh my!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Awesome post! I am cracking up!! Love the piggy sticker and your mom on the ride. So funny!

Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

you have me laughing so hard. (except for the blood and the slap!)

What a week!

Oh the piggy sticker. I am laughing my butt off!

Jessica said...

Great "Not Me's"! So funny!!! Well, except for the glass and the blood.

Lisa said...

Oh my goodness! I am cackling out loud at the poor lady! I LOVE that she has her hand raised! She was SERIOUS!!!! Great Not Me's!

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