Monday, August 17, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Mr. Daddy

It's True Story Tuesday again! And let me tell ya - we are more than ready for dose of humor this week. So join up! Grab the button in the sidebar and link up to your post about anything hilarious, outrageous, amazing, and true that happened to you!

And before you take off... remember to hit up our giveaway this week - it's something TRUE and AMAZING! :)





I Fought the Wasp, but the Wasp Won

I was doing my more than usual dumb stuff a couple of weeks ago. That being waiting too late in the year to cut next winters fire wood supply... I was cutting fire wood during that last heat wave that we had. Now that is REALLY dumb!!!

I was taking a break cause I felt as if someone had drenched me in water from all the sweating that I was doing, and I was huffing and puffing worse than a triathlete at the finish line, from the unusual activity.

While sitting there cooling down I looked just behind where I was cutting to the next tree that I had to limb up to cut - it was about 10 to 15 feet behind were I was working - and to my disbelieving eyes I saw a bald faced hornets nest that was just overhead high....



I could not believe that I had not spotted it sooner as I had been throwing limbs and stuff all over the place, and the chainsaw had been throwing sawdust that way. I just figured that it was a vacated nest. As I sat and watched it I saw a hornet fly in and crawl into the hole in the bottom...

Wow had I dodged a bullet on that one, I had all the cutting done so I just had to sneak in and retrieve the few pieces that I had already cut and load them up...

All was good and well... As I was saying I waited too long to cut green wood to season. There being a load or two of good seasoned wood just laying there begging to be cut, I figured that I would throw a can or two of Wasp and Hornet spray in my bag on the quad and the next time I went by on a ride I would just eliminate my little Hornet problem and all would be good... "Yeah Right"

Last Friday Itty Bit and I was up helping my brother (Brush Ape) get some wood When we got done I decided to take the long way back and take care of the nest of pests... I parked way back and told Itty Bit to stay on the quad and watch the fun, little knowing that I would be the entertainment of the hour and not the annhilation of the pests...

I grabbed two handfuls of the Mist of Death Wasp and Hornet Spray and started my stealthy approach. One must be very careful when stalking bald faced hornets, I cautiously approached from up wind, carefully calculated distance and wind speed and duly noted my route of escape lest things went awry...

Wwwweeeelllllll, it started out OK. I released the safety lock on the can in my right hand. Took careful aim, allowing for wind drift and gravity pull. Zeroed in on the target and gently squeezed off a stream of the Mist of Death, completely saturating the big nest... HHhhMMMMmmmm!! not much activity at all just a few came crawling out of the end of the nest..

I squeezed off another blast, and emptied the can in my right hand.... All is well. I look down to find the safety lock on the can in my left hand, and glance back up... "O" My Gee Wilikers they are boiling out of the end of the nest like an underaged kegger being busted by the local constable and his deputies...

There must be 30 or 40 of them crawling around and dropping off the nest. I look down again to locate the safety lock, pop it off and get ready to give them another shot of nastiness....

As I look up again I see one fall out of the nest catch itself in mid fall and start right at me.

Have you ever had one of those moments when time actually slowed down????

And your vision narrows down to a pinpoint of focus???

I think that Melody at Slurping Life made a comment about this kind of thing on her blog one time..
She called it and Epoch of Clarity... Yeah that's it!!!

I had me one of those....

Do you have any idea how big an enraged bald faced hornet bearing down on you looks????

I didn't think so...

Let me enlighten you. Do you know how big a B-52 bomber looks from about 6 feet away????

Thats not big enough....

It was Ginormous, Huge I'm telling you...

And you know that old adage that when you are threatened with certain and imminent harm that your fight or flight mechanism takes over????

That's a total load of crap.

There is one other thing that happens... You freeze!!!! I mean like your feet are anchored in concrete and the rest of your body is overdosed on novocaine...

As it attaches itself to my lower lip just a little left of center, I start huffing and puffing trying to dislogde the little bugger. For a brief moment I think about bashing my face with the empty can of spray, then the not so brilliant thought crosses my mind of giving it a healthy blast of the mist of death from my left hand can...

Nope not a good choice either, as I don't think that this particular cocktail is compatible with human life as well...

So I am ducking and wheeving and huffing and puffing trying to dislogde the little devil, and he is sticking tighter than baby crap to a blanket...

Now I am not sure that in my desperate ballet of despair I tripped and fell, or that little bundle of nastiness actually performed the perfect hip roll, or the sting itself put me down. But the next thing that I know I am flat on my back, thinking, "That is gonna leave a mark"

I hear Itty Bit saying DddaaaDDDDYyyyy??? You OK???

Yeah I'm fine Son, Lets get outa here, I sure showed them didn't I Son.....

I didn't even realize until I got back to my Mom's that the whole back of my shirt was ripped up, and I had a big gar on my side from the WWF smack down that I had just been in, with Harry the Horrible Hornet and myself being the main card event of the day.


That didn't really bother me all that much either, cause my lip was swelling up worse than Angelina Jolie or Pamela Anderson's after an overdose of botox...


Oh come on... you've had a tussle or two that's been blogworthy, right? Join in and share the pain :)




25 comments:

Rachel said...

Dear...

You didn't tell all our lovely guests that the first thing I said to you when I walked in and saw the torn shirt, bloody back, and Jolie lips...

"Dude... I told you not to fight with the little guy anymore!"

Brandi said...

Ouch!!! Well. . . that's cheaper than Botox, I'll give ya that. You'll just have to get that little bugger to do the other side and even 'em out. LOL! :)

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

as sorry as I am for your pain..it sure made for one hella funny story!!!

He & Me + 3 said...

Oh that is too much. It reminded me of the Berenstain Bears books...you know the ones where the Dad is always trying to teach the son something and always ends up getting hurt & teaching his son exactly what not to do. LOL too funny!
Sorry about your lip...it sure does look painful!

City girl turned Country Girl said...

OK OMGosh!!! That really did have me rolling until the "latched onto your lip" part....OUCH!!!! It does look like you had some nice Botox done :)

Pam D said...

You have NO idea how much I needed those pictures. No, really. See, there's a bald face hornet nest in the eave of a house that my hubby bought... it needs to be removed before he starts showing it to sell. He and Bug Hunter have been over there.. leaned out the nearest window.. sprayed it several times. Talk about dodging bullets.. it's a second story window, and I wouldn't doubt but that they'd fall out if those things started swarming. So now? I can SHOW 'em what happens, and maybe they can just call in the professionals! Your timing is impeccable (oh, AND I got a good giggle.. out of your writing, not out of your pain!)

Emily said...

OUCH!!!!!!!!! Oh, and just seeing the picture make's it hurt worse! Glad you made it outta there alive!

Kmama said...

You had me snickering through the whole thing, but then I got to this part: "I didn't even realize until I got back to my Mom's that the whole back of my shirt was ripped up, and I had a big gar on my side from the WWF smack down that I had just been in, with Harry the Horrible Hornet and myself being the main card event of the day." That part right there led to a full out laugh, while in my office, as someone was walking by. Kudos to you!!

Great story, just sorry that we take such pleasure in your pain!!

Kameron said...

What a sight that must have been for Itty Bitty! Ha! I hate stinging (or biting) insects, and man that nest was a doozy!!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Awesome post!! I am cracking up!! We almost posted about a little wasp episode of our own. However, we left that one a little less bruised! Poor Itty Bitty... you know he will remember THAT moment forever. Hopefully his take will be just how heroic you were and not how one little wasp took you down. Whoops, I mean one BIG, the mother of all mothers, the biggests wasp ever seen...

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Shanda said...

What a nest! I confess I did LOL at the title combined with the photo of your shirt ripped/botox moment...at least the wasp didn't "conquer." They are nasty little creatures! So glad Itty Bit didn't get in on the action!

Tiffany said...

We had a similar adventure trying to tear down a shed that had been destroyed by snow. The wasps decided it was rather cozy - we had about 10 nests in there we had to spray before we could move the shed. Fun, fun!

pixiedreams8 said...

That's awful! Hopefully the swelling is going down. My poor hubs is allergic so if he gets stung it means a trip to emergency for us...Yikes! You are sporting the Jolie lip well. ;)

Foursons said...

We don't have wasps that build nests like that here. They make honey-comb nests much like a bee. And we actually call them hornets.

Anyhow, I've been stung on my bottom lip too and the bugger would not get off no matter how much I swatted at it. Talk about burning fire on your face! My lip looked like Jolie's too, but the whole thing swelled up, not just one side. I feel for ya' it hurts!

K said...

OMG that is soo funny - LOVE the language on this one "epoch of clarity " and "baby poop to a blanket "
Evocative vernacular for sure

Stacy said...

Oh, ow! Yeah, tussling with a wasp nest usually ends up being a bit of a pain!

brian said...

Way to go, Mr. D!

BTW, you should see me do lawn work on any given weekend. Hours of entertainment :) Hornets don't bother me, because, well, have you ever heard a wasp laugh?

brian said...

BTW, your True Story Tuesday feature is really being to take off! Good job!

Lisa said...

Well, I guess you have taken this metrosexual thing one step further and have started with the botox and facial reconstuction. Poor Mr. Daddy. Once you get started, you never stop. There is always one more wrinkle, one more flat lit. One more burrowed brow line. You will be in my thoughts. ;-)

Lisa said...

I meant "flat LIP" not "flat lit"

Pam said...

Oh my gosh....heres hoping that you knew you were not allergic to those things! I can understand, I just dislike critters that sting, dig, eat their way into your home, creepy crawling......yikes...
Pam

Brandi said...

Hi guys! Award for y'all on my blog if you'd like to participate. :)

The Blue Sparrow said...

LOL, thank you for sharing that! I have needed a really good laugh and that did it! God bless!

The Blue Sparrow said...

LOL, thank you for sharing that! I have needed a really good laugh and that did it! God bless!

Kmama said...

Commenting again to let you know that I've once again, passed an award to you. I realize you've already received it, as I can currently see it rotating in your sidebar, but if you'd like to play along, you can pick it up at my blog.