Monday, August 10, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Rachel

Hey y’all, ready for this week’s True Story Tuesday?


It’s a chance to give us the whole story of what exactly happened on that Not Me Monday. Or to share what seems too amazing/outrageous/miraculous to have happened in real life.

I know there are some great stories already waiting in your old posts… so it would be easy-peasy to just link up and share your stuff! So… please join along! Grab the button and share a link to your post about anything amazing, outrageous, hilarious, embarrassing, or miraculous, (and mostly-true) that has happened to you!

~

Spa Spaz

Let’s just get it out of the way from the start.

We aren’t spa people.

Nothing against those who are, but it’s a bit tough rationalizing $250 to have a stranger scrub coffee grounds on your body, rub in essential citrus oils, wrap you in banana leaves, and sit you in a dry sauna to “detox and relax”.

Are you kidding me? I’d be giggling while getting scrubbed, sweating while sitting there trying to make sure I don’t fall out of my banana leaves, and all for the sake of soft skin that smells like a grapefruit orchard.

Nah, not me.

And certainly not Mr. Daddy (I luck out that the guy uses Old Spice shaving cream).

So after reading about the different spa treatments included in our getaway package, he was all over the NO WAY part. (An unwise move was trying to explain what a décolletage massage was… seriously?!?)

So the only thing I could drag talk him into (kicking and screaming) was the Duet Massage.


Duet Massage: Celebrate health and harmony. Share the gift of massage with a loved one or special friend in our unique doubles treatment room. Enjoy your own personal Tranquility Massage, while experiencing a sense of togetherness.

Yeah, the sense of togetherness as you realize that your husband will be lying there for 50 minutes plotting his I AM NOT A METROS#XUAL revenge.

~

It didn’t help matters any when the concierge instructed us to arrive 30 minutes early in our robes. Yep. Walking through that lodge in those robes was enough to convince me that Mr. Daddy was being pushed far past his comfort level.

We gamely throw our bathing suits on, cover up with the cushy robes and slip on our flip-flops.

(Yes, there are pictures of us in the robes, and no, I am not allowed to post them for threat of Mr. Daddy retaliating with some very unkind photographs of yours truly sleeping with her mouth open. I’ll give you credit for thinking ahead dear, but that was hitting below the belt).

~

Shuffling off to the top floor where the spa is. Encountering signs all over the place…

“For your spa experience, please speak no louder than an intimate whisper”

Okaaaaay. This is gonna be easy… we can just sign.

We walk up to the counter and whisper our names. The lady quietly replies. Mr. Daddy explains that I did not hear her and that I am deaf.

To which she forces a big smile and LOUDLY says,

“OH, OKAY! HI THERE, GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE!”

Embarrassing the snot out of me and startling the entire spa population.

~

She directs us back to the mineral soaking tubs. And thankfully there is no one else there.

Good Lord… there’s a waterfall INSIDE the spa!



Totally quiet and there are signs everywhere reminding us:

“Silent Pools, please no speaking”

So far so good. We pick the soaking pool with the view and settle in.

The surroundings are beautiful, but I can tell Mr. Daddy is still nervous about the massage.

“You’d better get Helga. If you get Raul, we’re leaving”

“Yes dear”

And back and forth until we lapse into comfortable sign language silence.

~

Until I feel something on my side.

“What was that?”

Funny grin

“OH MY LORD…

You did NOT just fart in the mineral pool”

Total hysterics as he tries to keep from laughing out loud.
He has broken the “Silent Pool” rule, and I’m sure there’s an unwritten one about passing gas in their special water, too.

~

And while we are choking on our laughter, two women come to get us.

Whew… perfect. No Helga or Raul, and no Bambi or Brigette (you know, whose figures are as perky as their names?)

We silently follow them to our doom.

My first thought on entering the room is… why the heck is there a GONG in here? Are they gonna bong it if you fall asleep? In the silent spa?



But next come the dreaded words:

“Go ahead and undress and get under the sheets – we’ll be right back.”

~

Mr. Daddy looks thoroughly terrified. I can’t blame him.

And shockingly he shimmies out of his swim shorts and dives under the sheets.

Whaaa?

I’m standing there in my bathing suit wondering what the heck this imposter has done with my redneck husband (who is pale faced and slightly hyperventilating).

So I follow suit and pray for no wardrobe sheet malfunctions.

It starts out well enough – after the strictest warning that I am the ticklest person a masseuse will meet. She manages to locate every single sore spot on my back in the first 4 minutes.

Then she does this Vulcan hold at the top of my neck and I’m wondering what the heck that is supposed to do… when suddenly my shoulders drop and my arms start feeling a little rubbery.

~

Halfway through, I sneak a peek at Mr. Daddy a few feet away. He’s on his back, eyes closed, sheets up to his neck. With his right leg exposed all the way up to his buttcheek.

His masseuse is working just above his knee and I was just totally shocked that Mr. Daddy was laying there taking that kind of abuse.

My first thought was wondering if I should get up and slap the nice lady. Then I had to choke back a laugh at the thought of how traumatized he must be – and how he was going to make me pay for this.

But my thoughts are interrupted by the mental alarm of a danger zone.

Yes, she dared to massage my foot and sure enough – this classy chick managed to snort and giggle and repeatedly say “I’m so sorry” for disturbing the peace.

~

It’s over and as Mr. Daddy ties the belt on his robe, he looks at me and says,

“I could do that again”

~

Sooo… I know you can outdo this! What lengths has your spouse gone to impress you? Join along and share your outrageous/miraculous/amazing story!



28 comments:

Mr. Daddy said...

Ok DEAR!!!! you totally rat me out about a little toot in the tub...Wait till I tell them what you did in the shower...

Rachel said...

Dear, you did NOT just go there...

You need to come clean and admit it's not anything indecent - and rather is just the standard goofiness that is being married to Rachel.

Geez Mister - do you even realize how bad your comment sounded? LOL

Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

As always, the banter between the two of you, cracks me up.

Just catching up after our weekend away. So glad you guys had some time to yourself...

Brandi said...

Too funny you guys! We are LOL! :)

Christina@ingallslife said...

i take pics of motels too. there is one in my tst post. i am excited to join in on the fun.
glad you were able to have a nice get away. we had one recently too, it is nice to get away for a bit.

Megan said...

LOL You guys are hilarious!

As I'm sitting here and my back is KILLING me, a nice couples massage sounds perfect!

Emily said...

Too funny! I am so LOL! I am totally a massage person but my husband...I haven't gotten him to convert like you converted Mr Daddy yet! ;)

McCrakensx4 said...

Totally had me laughing out loud...good thing I wasn't there, I probably would have been trown out! My hubby and I did that on our honeymoon, but ours was a dirt massage...NOT SO MUCH FUN! We could probably handle yours! Thanks for sharing and for the giggles!

Kameron said...

I love the spa, but not those fru fru scrubs and such. I just love massages. I could have one every day! Kudos to Mr.Daddy for going and actually enjoying his massage!

He & Me + 3 said...

I get all embarrassed to about massages, but they are wonderful. I would take a facial over any spa treatment though. Simply the best!
That was too funny and your comments to each other were equally hysterical. Loving the toot...so something my hubs would do.

Lynsay said...

Hahaha!! That had me LOL and the kids joined me because they thought I was laughing at Cookie monster (currently on the tv!)

Whew...that was funny! Thanks for that!

Jane Anne said...

Ok, I was jealous until your husband farted in the tub! (Loved his comment, by the way) I can imagine my husband doing the same thing. Only it would be noticeable to everyone if you know what I mean!
What a great, great story!

Foursons said...

Oh goodness. Now I am dying to know what you did in the shower because my mind immediately went to one thing.

And why is it that men/boys find it OK to pass gas so much? I mean really! I live in a house with 4 of them and am surrounded!

I'm still thinking I am related to your cousins. Is my gift certificate in the mail yet? I'm so excited to start packing for my trip!

Stacy said...

Ah, you two are just too funny! I think Brian would totally go for it as long as he had a lady doing the massage and not a guy. He's not real keen on guys giving him a massage since he had one once when we were at the Mandalay Bay spa in Vegas. He wasn't impressed. ;)

Shanda said...

Oh I'm so glad that you didn't make us wait for this one! ;) I loved it (of course!) What a gorgeous place you were at!

The first massage is absolutely the most awkward! Definitely try it again if you get the opportunity - I love the "hot stone" massage - they do some hand massaging; but mostly they massage with the stones. Just makes me a tad more comfortable with the whole stranger touching you thing.

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Leave it to a man to toot in the pool!!!

Such a funny story. One time I scheduled a massage for Nurse Boy with a man. He thought I was CRAZY and then loved it. I figured a man has strong hands and would give him a great massage.

However, I must let you know that he will NEVER admitt to loving it. NEVER.

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Kmama said...

Ha! Great True Story.

I was given the One Lovely Blog award and now I'm passing it along to you. Stop by my blog to pick it up (http://thedailydribbles.blogspot.com)

Pam D said...

I just came back to the computer after changing my Depends.. thanks. Those things aren't cheap, ya know. But sweet baby Moses, that was funny! Why am I not surprised that Mr. Daddy decided to aereate the pool? I was waiting for you to say that when you looked over, he was asleep and snoring in the middle of the massage (been there, done that, totally embarrassing, especially when you've left a trail of drool). Mr. Daddy, you'd best watch what you say in the comments, because ALL of us really would like to see a pic of you in your lovely, fluffy spa robe (Rachel.. you know my email addy.. you can always send it to me... *wink wink*... because, ahem.. there are some fun things I might like to do to a photo like that in the next week or so.. just sayin'...) :<)
And oh my word... the woman yelling "WELCOME TO THE SPA".... heeeee! Perhaps you should suggest that they learn sign language?

Shana said...

Blog hopped over nad had to tell you I can picture every thing you write. It is so funny. By the way, my hubby would totally break the silent pool rule also. Don't feel embarrassed because he would have seen how loudly he could break it...lol.

Tranquility said...

I just don't have a spouse story that can compete! That is hilarious!

My true story isn't funny, just true, but I'm looking forward to reading the stories of everyone else!! ;)

Lynsay said...

D-O-r-k-e-l-s-o

That is awesome! How did it know??? :)

pixiedreams8 said...

That was a GREAT read! I laughed too hard, hilarious. ;)

Becca said...

This cracked me up - my hubby was the same way in the "silent spa pool" on our vacation. He kept trying to see how long he could hold his breath. Who would have thought we took a vacation WITHOUT kids?! . . .

Melissa said...

Oh my goodness Rachel....I think I woke the kids up reading this post! That is Hilarious!!!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

I have no problem with people knowing that I loved the manssage by the way. What is the big deal with the fart in the mineral pool? They do want you to relax don't they?

Mr. NB

Lisa said...

Okay, let me just say that I am hyperventalating some here myself. LOL Now I have to admit I have a mental image of Mr. Daddy all spread out on a massage table with a sheet on him and his buttcheek exposed. Thanks for that, Rachel. LOL I would have been just as amused by the fru fru robe picture. I was looking for Pam D.s comment and she did not let me down either. Oh my. My side hurts from laughter.

Sorry I didn't get to participate this week. It's not like I could have touched this one with a 10 foot pole, though!

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