Monday, September 21, 2009

True Story Tuesday

Happy Tuesday y’all!  That is… True Story Tuesday.  In which we beg of you to share your own amazing, hilarious, outrageous, miraculous, and (mostly) true stories.  Just grab the code from the button on the right sidebar and share your link to your old or new True Story… we promise you some linky love :)


So… this True Story Tuesday is brought to you courtesy of Itty Bit, just 20 minutes ago.  Unfortunately, not quite enough time has lapsed for it to be anything near hilarious to me right now.


The prior evening, Mr. Daddy had kindly fed Itty Bit.


Yes, about that many peaches all sliced up in a big bowl.

Much after-the-fact, he asks, "”will those give him the toots?”


The Scene:

It is naptime the next day at the Redneck Residence and Rach is going it alone.

Itty Bit is not interested in a bit of shut-eye.  At.all.

After a story or two, some warm chocolate milk, lots of kisses, and getting tucked in – his momma turns the light off and tiptoes out.


The Foreboding:

It’s quiet.  But then again, it’s always quiet to a deaf chick, right?  Figuring the kid has to be wiped out from staying up late the night before, Rach tries to catch up with emails.

The kiddo wouldn’t dream of getting out of bed, right?


The Discovery:

After feeling an odd thump coming from the floor of the bedroom, Momma decides to investigate.


That thumping is coming from around the doorway, and a light is on in the bathroom.

Instant Panic.


The Damage:

Momma runs into the bathroom and startles a very guilty looking Itty Bit.

After an instantaneous check for severed or bleeding limbs or ingested foreign objects, she realizes that things look a bit…well, different.

I will admit that this is not my picture.  I am too embarrassed to actually take a picture.


And my sincerest apologies to whomever did have to clean up that mess.

So just imagine… toilet paper EVERYWHERE.  The toilet paper roll is empty, its contents spread across the bathroom.

Only, it’s not nice and fluffy.  Oh no…

It’s sopping wet.

And stuck in gobs to the floors, to the walls, to the cabinets, to the windowsill.

And the best part… he didn’t add the decorative touches with water from the sink.

Yeah… the huge overflowing mess in the toilet tells me exactly what his source was.


The Bonus:

You’d think that would be enough, eh?  Course not.

There stands my kid, with a razor sharp pair of mustache trimmers in one hand, and a toothbrush in the other.

Not just any toothbrush.

Mommy’s toothbrush!” he gleefully exclaims as he hands the WET toothbrush to me.

Ohmygosh honey, what did you do?  What did you get into?!?!”

He looks on proudly as I take in Mr. Daddy’s emptied travel toiletries, the open can of shaving cream, the now empty tube of toothpaste.

He then looks me square in the eye and says, “GOTTA POOP”

And golly, you know when they say it like that, it’s just too late.


Sure ‘nuf Mr. Daddy – a case full of peaches for dinner might give a kid the toots.  You’re just lucky you weren’t around to enjoy it.


Never fear… my hands are actually raw from all the sanitizing I’ve done.


I know I’m not the only one with a kid who knows how to make a legendary mess.  What’s your story? :)


Mr. Daddy said...

OK DEAR!!! will my son be alive when I get home tomorrow night???LOL

Are you really sure it was the peaches???

Rachel said...

Seriously? You are gonna love it when I leave the next big mess for you dear :)

And for any crazies that are reading the above comment... I've got a big bad shotgun and I know how to use it. And two big bad doggies. And two big bad horsies that stampede when I say the word "EAT"... so don't bother taking your chances :)

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

You guys crack me up!!

Aren't the bathroom messes the BEST?!?! YIKES!!! You can only laugh. Or you just might kill 'em. Here's hoping that was the first AND last bathroom party your son throws!!!

Good thing he is so stinking (maybe even literally this time) cute, huh?!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Unknown said...

Been there. Please, oh please don't make me have to do it again! The latest wasn't nearly as bad... just an overflowing toilet that wouldn't stop overflowing!

Anyway, I've wanted to ask you where you are in Washington. No, I'm not a stalker! Just very curious. I was born and raised in Tacoma and my husband grew up in the Centralia area. He is now military (that's how we ended up in Alabama). I'm just curious, that's all.

One of these days I'll get my hubby to start writing his stories down. He's got some good ones!

Unknown said...

It is a small world after all - funny. Hubby lived in Rochester through high school and we still have some very close friends in the area. I bet Mr. Daddy and our friends hunt the same hills!

He & Me + 3 said...

This post sealed the deal. Itty Bit and STunt Man would make the perfect tag team partners. Welcome to my world! :) The joys of Boys:) Keeps the blog world laughing right?

Unknown said...

O my goodness Rachel! I haven't been there (yet) with Doty but now that would be something Bindy might do! Thanks for the laugh and the heads up!

Liz {Learning To Juggle} said...

thankfully we have not been there....I fear that day...hopefully daddy will be home!!

Lisa said...

How convenient that Mr. Daddy was out of pocket that particular moment. Poor Rachel. I bet your hands are raw. I bet Itty Bit's behind might be just a tad raw itself! LOL So far we haven't hit "that stage" yet due to baby gates, but those days are SOON approaching. Uggh. I dread it so bad!

I don't blame you for stealing someone else's picture for this one! LOL Great story. Even though I feel kinda sick to my stomache now! LOLOLOL

City girl turned Country Girl said...

I absolutely Do NOT admit to laughing hysterically at this post...Nope I did not!!! You poor thing!!! Mr Daddy owes you BIG I think :)

Kmama said...

I'm conflicted. I both feel for you and find it absolutely hilarious. I probably only find it hilarious because it wasn't me.

That is one of those times when you just want to crumple to the floor and CRY.

Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam & Dylan Too said...

Oh no! What a huge mess for you to clean up!

Emily said...

ROTF! On the upside you probably now have the cleanest bathroom in your neck of the woods!

renee said...

oh rachel! this is so bad, but so funny. something funnier...i was eating a peach while reading this. ironic. and a little gross. :) :)

Susan said...

Whenever I eat peaches (my favorite fruit!) I am terrified I will think of this (hilarious) story. Obviously, like the others, it is hilarious because I didn't have to clean it up, and you were your usual funny self in describing it. Repeat after me: I am LUCKY to have this little boy....I am LUCKY to have this little boy....I am LUCKY (okay, that's enough--I know you feel it).
I never had quite this same experience, but it reminded me of the time my three-year-old grandson made a beeline for the McDonald's restroom, and by the time his dad caught up with him, he had discovered a plunger and had toilet water all over the inside of one stall, himself, and the floor. (Kids move so fast, don't they??) He happily announced, "I'm PLUNGIN', Dad!!" as if he was doing everyone a great service. Yes, he was sanitized, too--as much as possible until they got him home and re-sanitized him. ICK.
Thanks for the laugh today! You WILL laugh over it someday, too, but there may be a shudder or two involved, as well, for a few years.

Anonymous said...

Oh you poor thing! It sounds like it was either laugh or cry and laughing was probably the better choice. ;) I know I got a good chuckle from your post!

Kameron said...

Thank God my kid still sleeps ion a crib or I would have a story just like that for you, I'm sure!

Eve said...

I'm sorry - I know the wound is still fresh for you, but... that's hilarious!
Poor Momma! said... that so wrong?

Poor Rach. Yes, I was teasing you just a bit by using Rachel as a fictitous name for my real pt in TST.

Is that so wrong?...yep, I thought so too.

Foursons said...

And this story is a prime example of why child protective services might possibly be called. Because I just don't know if I could control myself in that kind of a situation. Ugh. I feel for ya' girl. It's not funny to me right now either.

Pam D said...

I cannot believe that Mr. Daddy is asking if ITTY BIT will be OK. Umm, excuse me, but WHO is actually to blame here? Don't be shiftin' the blame to an itty bitty little boy; take it like a man, Mr. D. You owe Rach BIG TIME, and I hope to a) read a humble and heartfelt apology to her in your next post, and b) see a photo of whatever wonderfulness rocks her world (and don't be sayin' that it's you in your tighty whities, my man). No, we need to see some bling... because after reading Rach's comment after your comment, she could seriously hole up there and you might NEVER get back in. I can see the headlines now: "Man Shot in Privates While Being Mauled by Dogs and Trampled by Hungry Horses--warning, graphic photos." Yeah, I think you better come home bearing some gifts, my man.

Lisa said...

Oh, Pam D. You are just too funny. The headline made me snort. LOL

Stacy said...

Oh my goodness...he sure knew how to make a mess, eh!? You handled it very well, though. I'm pretty sure a few explitives would have slipped out of my mouth and the tone would have been rather harsh. I hope it has gotten somewhat...a bit...mayhaps a teensy weensy bit funny as the days have moved on. :)

I do have a few TST posts written up, but I have to scan a photo in. I'm nothing if not forgetful on that front.

Jewelz said...

OK..I know it's not Tuesday...but I'm on the other side of the world and I'm blaming the time differences....LOL
Actually's just that Rachel, your story reminded me of a similar experience I doesn't sound as um messy as yours but a similar story just the same. I'm actually ashamed I ran and grabbed my camera. LMAO!


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