Friday, November 13, 2009

Letters of Intent

Is it today already?

I’m a wee bit behind.  It was a sick day for yours truly, and it might have something to do with the following letter that desperately needs to be brought to the attention of the appropriate authorities…

~

Dear Workout Video Lady ~

I don’t know your name.  But I imagine it to be Bambi or Becki or some other perky name.

You have been kicking my butt this week and I don’t think it’s very fair.  What did I ever do to you?

I’m gonna overlook the fact that a full 99% of all exercise videos are guaranteed to be inaccessible to deaf users.  But what I can lipread of your bouncing and completely sweat-free face pretty much ensures me that the words are probably just gonna tick me off anyway.

I mean, who wants to hear “Okay, now we’re gonna kick it up a notch and I want you to give 100 percent!  Come on, you can do it!”  Fine and dandy, except my quads/calves/abs/butt are most confidently yelling back, “NO WE CAN’T!”

And why is is that any video I choose… y’all have had some (ahem) work done?  Cuz yeah, your waist is gonna look smaller underneath those things e.v.e.r.y  time.

Next, the moves… Oh.Good.Lord.  Fair warning to those of you who try “10 Minute Power Abs”… I got about halfway through before I couldn’t take any more of moves that were embarrassing ME.  Cuz if that’s what it’s gonna take to get a tiny defined waist, then Mr. Daddy is gonna be reeeally into this workout.

The less obscene moves, I’m gonna admit that I have stopped and stared blankly at you several times as you cheerfully did something that flat-out tied my brain in knots.  I mean, you looked like you were beating up some unseen person while your body was taken over by some disco hip-hop dancer.

I know you’re convenient and all, cuz you come to my house at any hour – but I’m of half a mind to exchange our personal trainer sessions for the public humiliation of grande battement…

Ballet class with Alexander Pereda in Hungary.

Signed,

The Chick Who’s Tired of Kickboxing Kicking Her Butt

(In all fairness, I’ve done four videos in one week in complete denial of my injured back, but Ms. Perky doesn’t have to rub it in my out-of-shape face, no?)

~

Join Julie from Foursons for more Letters of Intent!  If you head over there, be sure to tell her I sent you.  Cuz she keeps some kind of point system for all kinds of bloggy acts (and I’m a bit afraid to get on her bad side ;)

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19 comments:

brian said...

Wow...Hello...Am I the first to comment?

Um...what an honor...

Dang...now I forgot what I was gonna say...

Lisa said...

brian is funny.

So is Mr. Daddy-Fix It gonna have to put in a stripper pole for these excersizes? Cause I am pretty sure he would do that for you. Just saying. (and hey, you opened the door on this one, chica!) That might get the 'move' on for baby #2. Give ya something to think about. I hear Carmen Electra has a great one out. Just saying again. LOLOL

Rachel said...

Alright - that's it. No more posting after 8pm, cuz apparently people just aren't thinking straight at that hour (me included).

Lisa... what on earth do I say to that?!?! I was embarrassed enough to write about it the first time - and WHOO BOY that opened a can 'o worms, LOL.

He & Me + 3 said...

That is how I feel everytime I put in Jillian. Just want to mute her. quit calling me your buddy. I am not...I can't stand your fit body. Ugh.

robin said...

I LOL when I read the comments!

I tried working out to a workout video once...afterwards, I figured that I probably needed a way to slow it waaaay down in order to actually keep up. Kudos for doing it that many times in one week! WTG!!

Michelle Pixie said...

LOL! I've totally given up on the videos and I am ready to trade them all in for some Spanx! While I was watching my nightly dose of Ambien er I mean QVC they totally have me convinced I'll never have to workout again and Spanx it the answer to all my problems. Hallelujah!!

Kmama said...

I can't stand those fitness people. They drive me batty. It's probably best that you can't hear them. I often turn the sound off because they annoy me so much!!

P.S., what is up with the women in the picture pulling one leg up on their pants? That's weird.

Mr. Daddy said...

Kmama, I have to agree with your comment about the pants legs being pulled up. But if you go back and read her last sentence "I'm of half a mind to exchange our personal trainer sessions for the PUBLIC HUMILIATION OF GRANDE BATTEMENT...

If you have ever had to go to a ballet studio, you would really see "WeiRD" ROFL...

and they think we rednecks running around in camo hiding in the woods are funny....LOL

We are a weird blend of funny my Rach and I...

momof3darlings said...

I am late/slow/behind/a slacker/preoccupied....but I always catch up! :D

And I never miss even one post!

But in my slacking, I don't comment as well. Please know that you are still amazing and still totally loved! :D LOL

Just been really preoccupied lately.

Rachel said...

LOL at KMama and Mr. Daddy.

Ballet takes a very short time to learn as far as positions and terms for movements. It takes a lifetime to get better (most dancers won't say they ever master it). It's all about placement and extending the line of your body. So we often wear crazy looking stuff that allows a teacher to make corrections to what we're doing. Otherwise we're all covered up like the girl on the right - just to keep our muscles warm.

You do NOT want to see some of the crazy stuff I used to wear :)

lifebythecreek said...

I tried Jillian for a couple of weeks; I discovered that the only thing that really got a workout was my eye muscles. The rest of me hurt so bad after the first couple of days that I just kind of moved the body parts to the beat or swayed side to side. Mr. Daddy can tell ya that joints and muscles start to get a bit fragile as you get older....

Lisa said...

At least you could FIT that stuff Rachel and not be bulging out of it or something! lol I imagine, no matter how you may protest, you looked quite the cutie in those rediculous, um, I mean comfy outfits!

FYI: A helicopter is swirling my house (well, area) as I type. (Past TST about the strobe light and "DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE?") I told my aunt, who is outside, not to shine a flash light at it! lol

Foursons said...

OK so is it weird that I now think I need an exercise video? Not to try and have another baby (Oh gosh NO! Rachel you'll be able to adopt my baby should that EVER happen.) But to try to find the body of my youth that I so desperately hated back then but so desperately desire now.

And yes Rachel, I have now updated my Excel spreadsheet with all the pertinent information pertaining to how many people you refer to my blog in contrast to how many people actually hop over and start following. I'm working on updating the pie graph as well as the color coded bar graph.

Oh, and thanks for linking up. I'll be sure to make note of that as well.

Emily said...

heehee...that's one of the reason's I don't do workout videos. Running is much less brutal!

Stacy said...

I just prefer to leave her in the box she came in and ignore her. ;) Good for you in at least trying to get in better shape. My exercise room is almost ready if it weren't for the layer of sheetrock dust on my elliptical...that I'm in no hurry to remove. ;)

City girl turned Country Girl said...

Good for you, to be trying all of that!!! I just recently purchased some video's that I really need to start on because after Christmas a friend of mine who used to be a personal trainer is going to kick my butt into gear LOL!!

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