Monday, December 07, 2009

True Story Tuesday by Mr. Daddy

Good grief - is it already Tuesday?!?!  That can only mean one thing... it's time for True Story Tuesday!




A chance to share the amazing, hilarious, miraculous, outrageous and (mostly) true things that have happened to you!  Seriously, read the below story and tell me it doesn't remind you of a gut-busting moment in your own life? :)

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WHAT'S A LITTLE TOOT AMONG FRIENDS?

I'm not sure what it is about bodily functions that people find so funny.

And yes I say people, even though I am swimming in an estrogen ocean here, there are some that will read this in total denial, I am sure... (I'm just saying)

But EVERY BODY!!!! Toots once in a while...

But this story is about a guy that reveled in his ability...

Now I have known women who were louder, and a few that were, shall we say more pungent...

But NO one was more talented than this guy...

I have known some that could play along with the Blue Danube, but I am here to tell you that is child's play compared with what this guy could pull off...

He had it down to a science - if the surface of a particular seat wasn't conducive to a predetermined tonal quality he would refuse to sit on it...

He could imitate a Hot Rod catching all four gears of rubber substituting farts for the burning of tires... (our eyes made up for the burning tires.) and fourth gear wasn't just a squeak...

I have heard him start out hitting the key of C modulating up and down the scale, to finish off with a high C...

I never witnessed him breaking any glass but he did rattle the windows in the lunch room on a regular basis...

He was so in love with the sounds of flatulence, that he came up with his own fart machine, he took an old church key, (bottle opener) bent it open, attached a couple of heavy duty rubber bands to a flat washer, when wound up real tight and sat on (on the right surface, cardboard worked best) you just had to lift your butt cheek just like doing the real thing and it produced a more than realistic farting sound, minus the smell....

Although he really didn't have much of a need for it, as I am sure that he could fart on command...

And it is with this talent that this story is about...

There was another fellow that used to hang around that was always trying to be buddy buddy with mister fart man...

Mister fart man was less than enamored of mister wannabe buddy buddy's attempts at being chummy...

Mister buddy buddy just couldn't or wouldn't take the hint...

Mister buddy buddy pestered mister fart man to go shopping with him one day. Now granted it was at a surplus store that was called Yard Birds, so you might expect a little less than elegant company. But they had just about anything that a good old redneck man or redneck woman could want. Sporting goods, work clothes, tools, hardware you name it they had it, even army surplus stuff. I guess you could call it a forerunner to Cabella's with a lot less class...

Mister buddy buddy went down one aisle and mister fart man went down the next, perusing the merchandise.

Mister buddy buddy wasn't paying attention and had his back to mister fart man, while the next aisle over a young lady worker had her back to them with the fart man between them.

Mister fart man being the attentive, take advantage of any situation kinda guy that he was, just couldn't resist the opportunity that had been so benevolently been placed in his path...

Yep you guessed it, with all the gusto that he could muster, which is quite a lot really, he let her rip.

Then immediately hit the floor and crawled away...

Mister buddy buddy exclaimed as he wheeled around, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU JUST DID THAT"
to find himself starring eyeball to eyeball across an empty aisle with the young lady, that was looking back at him as if he had the black plague...

Mister fart man popped up several aisle away to saunter off slowly leaving mister buddy buddy trying to explain his way out of his awkward predicament...

I am here to ask you, what are friends for???? Really!!!!

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(Rach in:  Peeeeeyouuu!)  You know the drill - just grab the TST code from the right sidebar, throw it in your old or new post, and add your link to the list below!  We'll be by to share some comment love :)

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15 comments:

Just Add Walter said...

hehehe... bodily functions really are funny ALL THE TIME!!

Melissa said...

Oh this looks like a good one...will be back in the morning for a good laugh I'm sure!

Kmama said...

LOL!

My oldest brother is a "fart on command" guy. It used to crack me up when I was little...now it's just wrong.

Emily said...

Ok, if my brother had a long lost twin, sadly, Mr fart man would be it.
That is disgusting!

Foursons said...

Ummmm...yeah. That's just gross.

Pam said...

oh my gosh, I had to contain myself from laughing out loud here at work over this one. To funny.

Shana said...

yep, sounds like my hubby. Sure you weren't in Georgia??

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Oh man you have struck a cord with me. I am also in an estrogen ocean however, my Brother in Law once made 2 women on plane puke from his toot...NOW THAT IS POWER!

K said...

OMG that was SUCH a funny story
We were doing ethnographic research the other day - the interviewer with me had eaten too much and was speculating on the respondent's reaction if he asked to be pointed to the restroom and also ask for a "match and a magazine... and I will be back in 45 minutes" LOL - I almost died laughing dont ask me why -but it was soooo funny

He & Me + 3 said...

I laughed so hard I was gasping for air. Fresh air that is...This sounded like my Brother...I feel bad for his poor wife. I know she wishes her sense of smell didn't work. LOL

Just Stacy said...

I couldn't even contain my laughter to that one, I'm sure I got some stares here in the office for that laugh. That was a great story, what that woman must have thought of Buddy Buddy .... oh man, that's hilarious ...

Sande said...

With six boys, farts are definitely a huge part of our lives.

Although many tender relatives have tried to convince our men to call this act by differing names; fluffs, bottom burbs and my favorite, love puffs.

They will exaserbate their discomfort by declaring; 'I've just squeeze my bottom cheeks and some warm smelly air came out'.

Foursons said...

FYI- Dr. Pepper is made in TX. :)

wife.mom.nurse said...

Ha! A fart story classic!

When I told my fart story on my blog I was chastized in a comment for not recognizing this is a medical condition for some.

Some people are just too serious.

A good ol' fart story is good for a laugh...and laughter is the best medicine :)

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