Monday, January 11, 2010

True Story Tuesday - the one I've been avoiding...

I really shouldn’t feel this way anymore, you think?  I’ve already laid bare my Dumb & Dumber moments for y’all time and time again.  This shouldn’t be any different, right?

Except, that somehow, this particular family legend has the unique power to instantly transform me back into that gawky 12-year old who never seemed to do anything right.

Y’all can thank my dad for this one… he said those three fabled words the other night, and launched a mass fit of hysterics for the rest of the family.

The technical stuff: y’all know how much I love reading your True Story Tuesday posts!  Please, especially after this story – have mercy on me and link up your own too good, amazing/miraculous/outrageous/hilarious, to be true story and make me feel at least kinda normal, k?  Cuz I know you got my back.  (And I know you are are just as full of incredible stories!)

Just grab the code from the sidebar, add it to your post, and come back and add your post link at the bottom – we love spreading some comment love!

~

And those three fabled words?

 

Miss Vacuum Head

(shudder)

 

Y’all just please, please be nice now.  This is rather painful for me…

It was the summer we’d gotten a camper shell – we were busy getting it ready for our first road trip.

(The untimely demise of said camper shell is an entire TST post of its own – but my parents don’t know my role in it, so maybe we can let this thirty-something year-old chick go a little while longer before her parents find out and ground her?)

By the end of this little tale, you aren’t gonna be feeling so sorry for the camper…

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So the folks put me on vacuum duty.  We stacked all the cushions on the ground and I went to work on them one-by-one.

Exciting, no?

And here is where our story takes a tragic turn and leaves emotional scars that have yet to heal…

This chick has had long hair for most of her life; and at this particular age, it was halfway down my back.  Thick and unruly curls that may or may not have had an unfortunate run-in with Sun-In (ooh, I rhymed!)

~

As my sister and I cleaned and vacuumed under our dad’s observant tutelage… I made the highly unfortunate decision to lean over and turn the current cushion over.

Remember these?

kirby

Yes, those what-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-dangerous horrible suction monsters that cost more than your first car?

And remember the long hair?

Yes, a match made in purgatory.

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One second I was being my OCD self and helpfully cleaning.

The next I was being attacked by a vicious beast that was quickly consuming my long locks.

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Oh but let me put this in perspective for you… my parents had sprung for the deluxe model that included a METAL attachment.  And even the attachment had its own rollers at the end of the hose.

~

What to do?

Oh you betcha.

 

I freaked.

Unfortunately the freaking part kinda sorta included losing my grasp on the hose that was now writhing in my hands.

Which meant that I surrendered complete control of the tyrannical machine – which then began

WHIPPING AROUND MY HEAD

WITH MY HAIR COMPLETELY WOUND AROUND THE ROLLERS

SMACKING MY FOREHEAD REPEATEDLY WITH THE METAL ATTACHMENT

LIKE SOME KIND OF REVERSE MEDUSA BEING ATTACKED

I was screaming.

Wouldn’t you be?!?

And my dad…

well my dad was

LAUGHING.

 

The man was laughing his butt off.

Those deep belly laughs that rendered him completely unable to offer assistance.  The ones that drove tears from his eyes as he sat helplessly guffawing at his daughter’s predicament.  The ones that triggered a strange combination of indignant and heartbroken daughter.

Wouldn’t you know… I think I actually had to go turn off the vacuum cleaner myself.  With the attachment firmly stuck to my scalp like some symbiont alien (the hose still whipping madly).

My screams had alerted my mother.  My final indignity was to have my curls cut off as dad recounted the story between uncontrollable laughter and gasps for breath… over and over again.

(Other people’s parents put pull out the nakey-butt litle kiddie pictures when you’re trying to impress a visitor – mine just told the Miss Vacuum Head story.  Yes I love you mom and dad, but I got the last laugh with the camper, bwah ha ha ha!)

~

So y’all can out-do this right?  There’s gotta be a crazy story somewhere that your parents still don’t know, huh?  Or the one legend that you cringe every time someone mentions…

Link up below and share the fun, outrage, hilarity, miracle, and embarrassment!

~

36 comments:

He & Me + 3 said...

nope...I cannot out do this one. I am sorry, but I think I just woke the kids up laughing so hard. LOl BEing beat in the head with the metal attachment. LOL Oh my I have to stop. I can't believe your dad would laugh...:)

He & Me + 3 said...

BTW..I dont' think I am getting your posts in my dashboard...could it be because you are now .com? Should I unfollow and then follow again? I think I will try that.

Pam D said...

Holy cow... you married your dad!!! I mean, really... if I had read that post without knowing that the male figure was your father, I would have so pegged Mr. Daddy as the culprit! And I certainly would NOT have been laughing myself; no waaay! Actually, I might have been trying to figure out how to make that work so that I wouldn't have to take a shower in the morning....

Lisa said...

Oh, girl, you have NO idea how I needed that laugh! So glad I hopped on real fast to check it out! The Medusa thing really sent me over the edge. Oh lordy. I will link up in the morning, we have been having some computer "issues" and I am not prepared on time, as usual. Plus, all that stuff with Benji.

Oh, Rachel, it is awful. I all but lived with them for about 3 years, worked for them in their home due to Lowella's illness, helped care for benj and sarah til I had to quit because of (what turned out to be my) gallbladder. I am so terribly upset, but trying not to go on too much about it because I don't want to look like a bloggy scammer or whatever. That stupid April Rose woman has me freaked out now. (And I know I have posted alot about them, but I love them! They are my family, also, and it is just a mess. I'm a mess!) But God is in the midst, we all know it, so that is all that matters. Enough rambling for now, hopefully some sleep. Will link up tomorrow. But I don't think I can beat the Medusa story! LOLOLOL

Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

Oh my goodness! I don't know how you ever managed to get near a vacuum ever again, I think if it were me I would have been permanently traumatized. Nothing traumatic has ever happened to me but I still do anything that I can to get out of vacuuming, lol! If it had been me, my dad would have laughed too :)

City girl turned Country Girl said...

No Rachel sorry....I do not know a single soul who can out do this!! I couldn't decide if I should laugh or cry while reading!!! But I am glad you got the last laugh with the camper ;) JK!!

ps~ remember it?! I still own one of those bad boys LOL!!

Becca said...

oh no!! that's terrible! (and funny) :-)

ps - we totally let the Kirby salesman into our house -- big mistake -- now we own one too!

Kmama said...

Oh my goodness!! I want to laugh, but as someone who got their hair caught and BURNED in a hairdryer, I know it's not so much fun or funny! Okay, maybe later on it's funny, but man!!

I can't believe your dad just laughed. Total "man" behavior.

Emily said...

Oh I really wish there had been an after picture!! :) For once, I'm thankful I don't have long, luscious, curly locks!

Lauren said...

There is nothing worse than having to lose your hair to an accident. Shame on your daddy! ;)

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh. That is SO crazy funny! I am laughing my head off! I am glad your hair grew back so prettily : )

Killlashandra said...

Well, ya can't blame him for laughing it probably looked like a seen from an alien movie. ;) I just hope your hair didn't get pulled by the roots.

Brandi said...

Oh my gosh!!! My dad would have so laughed too! ;) How terrible... I bet you can't vacuum without having flashbacks!

Pam said...

I am so thinking that you need to write a book....oh my gosh the True Stories you tell....lol

Queen of Quite A Lot said...

So what're your saying is YOU invented that flowbee thing that you attached to your vacuum and it cut your hair? Why you're famous!
Sorry ~ I couldn't resist. I can picture it and while I did the one thought running through my head was "Don't laugh. You have long hair and a Dyson. It could happen to you tomorrow." LOL! Thanks for sharing. My TST is also one from my childhood.

Foursons said...

I could barely finish reading this I was laughing so hard. And your dad laughing at you made me laugh even more! Bawahahahahaha! I can just picture the whole scene in my head. But now you MUST tell the demise of the camper story. I have to know!

Just Stacy said...

that was absolutely a laugh out loud story

GunDiva said...

Love that! I had a similar experience with a shredder. Waist-length hair and a shredder. I was the only one in the office, so I, too, had to save myself. Luckily my father wasn't around to laugh his butt off.

Momma Pixie said...

Who knew a Kirby could be so dangerous?! Mental note...since I have that exact vacuum thanks to my MIL...Don't let the kids anywhere near that monster...At least not before they read this! Hehehehe!

HeatherOz said...

I controlled my laughter at your expense until you said your Dad was laughing at you! Now I have to go wash my face and re-apply my mascara because there are black tears running uncontrollabley down my face!
Did you ever have/see the epi-lady. The hand-dandy tool that painfully RIPPED hair out of your body? I got my hair stuck in one of those once! Noone wittnessed the attack so I don't have quite the comedic story!

Mama4Real said...

I can't even imagine what that must have looked like or felt like. Too bad there's no video... ok... sorry, that might be to traumatizing :)

Jenny said...

Cute, cute post. I was thinking about doing Alphabe-Tuesday but I think I may have to change it to Alphabe-Thursday so I can come and play with you guys on Tuesday. Hmmm.... That was a confusing sentence wasn't it? Sorry. Jana told me to come visit AND I'm a new follower!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

OH MY WORD! I am cracking up!!! You will forever be Miss Vacuum Head to me now. Oh, and I am laughing WITH you, not AT you. Sort of...

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

BTW, an employee from the museum that Nurse Boy wrote about in his True Story Tuesday left a comment on our blog! Can you believe that?! Oh, wait. You can. That kind of stuff always happens to you guys. I guess you are rubbing off on us. That's a good thing, right?

;0)

wife.mom.nurse said...

oh no!

Naughty parents!

And poor you...hair ripped out AND parents laughing!

I never laugh at my kids ;)

ok, never is a strong word.

Trish said...

Poor you!! I agree, scared for life is something I can see happening from that ordeal! I feel for poor little you!

Jennifer Haas said...

I am back, yet my story is not a funny one this week it is very true and I would love for you all to read it and pass it along!! Thanks so much!!

Pam D said...

Holy cha cha, Rach... you're up to 28 links? Girl... this is gonna be a full-time job for you if you don't watch out! I suppose we all have stories to tell and just need somewhere to tell 'em. You've become the new "storyteller's tree"....

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

While reading this, I was half horrified, half laughing! That had to be quite a sight.
Now I'm interested in what exactly you did to that camper! ;)

Tara G. said...

My mom and dad still have a machine similar to that. My mil is a cleaning maniac and bought one for my husband when he got his own place. I'm so thankful we left that in a dumpster after a move! Look in the upper lefthand corner of my blog and I think you can click on that title and it'll take you to the site I got the background- they're free! :)

Cheralee said...

Oh my and I thought those brush curling irons were bad! LOL You poor thing!

And I'd love to do this but I'm not sure how to put the True Tuesday link thing on my page... if you'd be so kind as to help me out... thanks :)

Shana said...

OMG bless your heart! We use a Kirby and those things do have some major suction. I would love to hear about the camper though...lol.

Stacy said...

LOL...I used to think that I was accident prone...then I "met" you, Rachel. Ha hahahahah! :)

Bad Rachel's daddy for laughing at her while her life was in jeopardy, though. Goodness...he should have waited until after you were extracted from the vacuum cleaner to start laughing. ;)

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semicrunchymama said...

I'm thisclose to peeing myself from laughing! I think this was probably one of the funniest True Stories I've read by you since I started following your blog.

I'm so sorry to laugh this uproariously at your 12-year-old trauma...but OMG this is hysterical!

I've got to start participating in True Story Tuesday...but now I'm afraid I could never match this!

Karen said...

Not an outdo but my little (30 year old!) sister and I still laugh over the drive home from SC to NJ in the summer of 1991.
Almost 17 year old me in the back seat, newly 11 year old sister shotgun, Dad in the driver's seat, mini-van parked off the road.
Over-heated Dad failing at ejecting the cassette the radio ate rendering the radio inoperable.
Dad loses it and begins to yell and curse and stab the tape deck with a Swiss Army knife.
Sister and I begin to laugh hysterically.
Sister literally chokes on gum and gets Heimlich from me from back seat as Dad is oblivious.
Sister coughs gum out into her long hair.
Dad is still oblivious.
I get the gum out and we all drive home with a Swiss Army knife dangling out of the cassette deck.