Thursday, March 25, 2010

TYMV - Break out the bubble wrap

YAY!  I love Thank You Very Much Day!  It means a chance at some free therapy and gives hope that the weekend is coming.
Thanks Kmama!  Be sure to check out her other links – just guessing I’m not the only thankful one this week!


Apparently, we earned a boatload of things to be thankful for after daring to have a fun weekend
We returned home to a lovely bill from the surgeon who messed my wrist up TEN MONTHS AGO, Thank You Very Much.  (I say “messed up”, because the physical therapist mentioned in passing that he might have gone a bit deeper and CAUSED carpal tunnel… UGH!)
Remember the anesthesiologist who threw a 2-year old fit, and the teenybopper nurse who pulled the stitches out the wrong way?  Yeah, well I wrote the dude two letters about that (unanswered, by the way), sent in my co-pay, and I’m not interested in forking over another $2000… Thank You Very Much.
medical bill(image from Google)
~
To the perfect storm that conspired to take Mr. Daddy out of town for three days this week… Thank You Very Much.
I mean, the world KNOWS I can’t build a fire to save myself, so this week has really tested my Girl Scout non-abilities, Thank You Very Much.
~
To the kid who decided to leave me some artwork on the bathroom cabinet… I love it honey, but next time don’t use my lip liner, k?  Thank You Very Much.
~
And the granddaddy of them all… to the dollar section at Target that sucked me in and left me injured within 20 seconds of entering the store, Thank You Very Much.
To the cheapo candleholder that wasn’t quite attached to the metal piece it was supposed to hang from… for falling to the floor and breaking, Thank You Very Much.
To the non-existent staff that scurried out of sight as soon as that telltale CRASH was heard, Thank You Very Much.
I was still nice enough to clean up the shards so no little kid got hurt, Thank You Very Much.
And when I approached the customer service counter with the glass in one hand, and a furiously bleeding gash in the other, and asked for a bandaid… Mr. Teenaged Customer Service Dude – do NOT look like you’re gonna pass out on me!  I need your help!  For throwing a box of kleenex, a band aid, and some wound spray at me, Thank You Very Much.
To the 3-year old who was oblivious to the drama and swiped a $1 pack of Nerf bullets and hollered in my face “OPEN OPEN OPEN!” as I stood there bleeding, Thank You Very Much.
To Mr. Teenaged Customer Service Dude, for forcing me to hold the medical stuff with my good hand, try to contain my bloody mess with the other, and CARRY a 40-pound kid into the bathroom by myself, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
bandaids
To the 40-pound sack of potatoes who suddenly saw the ungodly amount of blood being dumped into the sink and started shrieking, Thank You Very Much for alerting the rest of the store to the scene.
I’m sure they all assumed the right thing hearing, “MOMMY IS BLEEDING!  MOMMY IS BLEEDING BAD!” from the women’s restroom.
For continuing to narrate the story at the top of your lungs, Thank You Very Much.
MOMMY IS BLEEDING!
MOMMY HAS AN OWIE!
OPEN MY TOY PLEASE! OPEN!
OUCH!
THERE IS BLOOD ON THE SINK!
THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE!
MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!
OPEN MY TOY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OPEN!
MOMMY YOU NEED A BAND AID!
(Yes honey, I have a bandaid)
MOMMY YOU ARE STILL BLEEDING
(Yes honey, it’ll get better)
MOMMY OPEN MY TOY PLEASE!

Anyone else remember that I’m not exactly good with blood?  Especially when your hand is cupped and it still overflows?  UGH.
I spend the rest of the night with kleenex on top of the band aid cuz the sucker keeps opening, Thank You Very Much.
~
So… last night the kiddo needs help to the bathroom and I jump up to rescue him.  And wouldn’t you know, someone moved the couch, Thank You Very Much.
My entire foot gets stuck under the couch but the rest of my short-but-ungainly body is still flying forward.
I land on my elbow and, hitting my head and scraping up my stuck foot.
And yep, opened up that stinking little bleeder, Thank You Very Much.
My neck is out, I have a nice headache, very gnarly bruise on my foot, and my elbow is just fine.  I need a whole body made out of elbows please.
Ms. Julie Foursons has advised me that I need to get myself some bubble wrap.  And you know what… Mr. Daddy would totally love that, eh?  Thank You Very Much!

(tip of the day… don’t Google “wrap yourself in bubble wrap”.  you’re welcome)

18 comments:

Foursons said...

Oh you know I'm totally going to Google that right after I finish with my comment! Hahahaha- can't wait.

And girl, seriously. Bubble wrap sounds like the only way to go. I think you are the only other person I know who is as clumsy as me. One good thing about my extreme fatigue lately is that I've been too tired to get up and do anything so that is keeping me relatively safe. :)

I think a week off from work is in order. Let me know how that goes over with the boss. Hahaha

Kmama said...

Oh Rachel. Only you. Only you. What a disaster. Sounds like you probably should have gotten stitches, though after dealing with the teeny bopper nurse that took your stitches out wrong after your wrist surgery, you might be a little gunshy??

Leiah said...

And I officially relinquish my family nickname of Graceless and bestow it upon thee fair Rachel. I did not know anyone else was as abundantly blessed as I am. In fact, I've been told on many occasions I could "mess up a one car funeral."

You're too nice. I would have probably stood there bleeding all over their floor and counter...someone would definitely have come to your assistance then.

Seriously, a bill after all that? I see that one continuing with a Letter of Intent.

GunDiva said...

Superglue. Seriously. Buy some.
I shoulda put that on my post for today. Small cuts that aren't bad enough for stitched but that won't stop - use Superglue. The docs use it, only they call it "Dermabond" and charge about $60 per vial. Same thing, just in a different (single use) container and it's a lovely shade of lavender.

And bubble wrap. Buy some of that, too. But don't wrap your head; we wouldn't want you to suffocate.

Michelle Pixie said...

Oh girl! We are so on the same page!! I Google the bubble wrap thing last night for one of my posts... OH MY!! ;-) I hope you are okay and aren't too sore today. Unfortunately I feel your pain!

Mrs Mom said...

Hang in there baby-- it's been a whole freaking MONTH like that on our side of the world.... ;)

We'll make it. Diets may suffer, since ice cream and or chocolate (or chocolate lavishly deployed INTO the ice cream,) are in order to ensure our survival. :)

Least you didn't have to duct tape a maxi pad (you know the kind--- the mattress thickness that can wrap around your waist,) to your hand to get out of the store.. (been there.. done that.. on a barn call..)

bluedotmom said...

Oh my...you deserve a week off and some pampering. Sure hope you aren't too sore!

{Kimber} said...

BAaaahhhhaaaaaaaa
ok I'm laughing WITH you not AT you..you were laughing right?! Yeah I thought so...
Poor thing! This sounds so like me!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Oh, Dear!! That is both very tragic and ridiculously funny! I'm glad you're OK, despite the drama!

Also, I'm TOTALLY going to google that now!! Thanks!

Heather said...

OH man, Rachel, aa the previous commenter said, the Target story is tragic AND funny!!! Gotta love young employees and 3-year-olds that JUST DON'T HELP in emergency situations. Geez.

Thank goodness for those SUPER elbows of yours!

Dana-from chaos to Grace said...

oh yes, don't google that....it's not pretty. :X

And OMGosh on that incident at Target! And again that night! HAAAAAAAA

Oh Miss Rachel, I totally heart you!

Emily said...

lol...just one of the many reason I shun Target! ;)

He & Me + 3 said...

There are people in the world that if it is going to happen to someone it will happen to them...My friend you are one of those people. You never fail to make me cringe and laugh in the same post.
Sorry about the blood. Yikes and ouch.

brian said...

Um, well, when you need your Nerf Bullets opened, you need 'em opened! :)

Hope you're doing better!

Now I'm off to Goggle bubble wrap...

Big Mama Cass said...

You know I can't read don’t Google “wrap yourself in bubble wrap” and NOT do it!! *eyeroll*

lol

City girl turned Country Girl said...

Oh MY goodness you do need some bubble wrap girl!!! Sounds like you also need a restful day!! And sorry but Itty Bit did make me laugh with that :o

Aunt Crazy said...

I hope you called in sick the next day...LOL

wife.mom.nurse said...

YEOUCH!

I never knew that Target could be so dangerous!

Yes, I do think that bubble wrap is in order! :)