Monday, April 05, 2010

True Story Tuesday - A Boy, A Bike, and His Dog

Far too quickly, another Tuesday is upon us.  Which means (YAY) Monday is behind us, and it's time to settle in for some good old True Story Tuesday tales!

You know the drill, give us your craziest, most outrageous, amazing, hilarious, miraculous, and (mostly) true story that has happened to you.  Super-easy since you probably already have some of those posts already written and just looking for a home :)

Just grab the code underneath the TST button the sidebar, throw it somewhere into your post, and come back to link up your post for us all to enjoy!  (Please be sure to link up the actual post address - by clicking on the post title and copying the "www" address that appears at the top of the screen.  This will keep us from getting lost! :)


This week brought to you by the fan-favorite, Mr. Daddy:


Once upon a time, in a place very fuzzy with age.

There is a memory of a boy and his dog.

Yep believe it or not, I was once a boy child, and I had a dog... The dog has long since gone to doggy heaven, and the boy child only lurks in my fading memories.

But this is one that will live on quite vividly in my mind. Possibly because of the mental trauma inflicted by the experience....and the physical damage bestowed upon my body....

We bred and raised Norwegian Elk hounds in my youth and our prize male was usually considered mine, unless my Dad was around. At which time Rocky (our male dog) considered my Dad to be the boss man. (that dog was so much smarter than I at the time.) LOL

Well being the stud that he was (the dog, silly) *snicker* if we didn't keep him tied up, or in his run, well, he ran, and monogamy was definitely NOT in his repertoire of thoughts.

Actually I think that he only had about two thoughts in his pea brain at any one time, and those usually consisted of the next male dogs A@@ he could whup, or the next HOT shemale he could sniff out... And occasionally where his next meal was coming from....

This happens to be a story about a time when he had went sniffing, and ended up in an A@@ whupping contest with a boxer. And a life lesson for a budding redneck lad..

There is a quote by Pete Seeger, that states: "Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't. " I should of read the fine print....

Our neighborhood was quite rural, (no it was just plain country) when I was growing up, back in the day..... Every one knew every one and everyone's business, which if you were doing nothing wrong was pretty much OK.... But how many pre-pubescent redneck lads are usually doing nothing wrong???? So I guess you could say it was sort of Norman Rockwellish, with a twist of Dallas, or Peyton Place....

So anyway we get a phone call early on Saturday morning and MY dog was at the neighbors' whoring around. Now the neighbors' was like two miles away...Yeah that mutt had a keen sniffer..
so I get my marching orders to go retrieve the little rascal.

I grab my new spider bike. Yeah the kind with the banna seat with the shifter on the center bar, it was a stylin ride, I'm a telling you, with my trusty doggy strap and off I went.

I get there without incident other than frosty hands and feet. corral the little beast install the leash and hop on my ride, and head for home. Well Rocky must have been ready for breakfast cause he was off with a rush, and started pulling me along... And I get a brilliant idea...

Yep, and Education right about now would have been God-sent, cause I'm sure that there would of been some kind of warning in the fine print. And if you have ever read Brian's post about the Dumas Scale, well this particular idea would of registered about a 9.5 on that scale.

Looking back on it, the idea in and of itself was a pretty good one, I think where things went totally wrong was in the application of it, because I should of took about two or three wraps around the handle bars instead of tying it off with an old fashion square knot...

We were cruising along with our dilithium crystals just a humming making a steady warp two or so, and I was thinking to myself that we could plot a course and go where no man (or boy) has gone before. This was a pretty good way to travel, one puppy power all I had to do was sit back and enjoy the ride...

That is until I heard the snarling savage barking of the next neighbor's boxer....

You ever have one of those moments???? I believe they are refered to as an epoch of clarity....

Yeah,,,, I had me one of those.... And time slowed down, I mean really down....

Like in the movie Kujo were that big rabid ugly dog is attacking and they go to super slow motion????

Now usually there would have not been a lot of need for any concern, as I had out run or outmanuvered this beast on many occasions in the past. But upon this occasion you must keep in mind that my trusty steed, with his tiny pea brain was intirely incapable of passing up a challange of this magnitude.

So as time slowed to a crawl, I could see the saliva and slobber dripping off of the teeth and jowls on this approaching menace. And Rocky taking an immediate and abrupt turn to the right. And the square knot that I had so blithely tied just moments before, did not seem like such a stellar idea.

I'm here to tell you that, that dog of mine could turn on a dime and give you nine cents in change, and due to the laws of physics and a nicely tied square knot, my bike did almost exactly the same thing. Due to the same laws of physics, I did not. As bike and dog went South, I blithely continued East. With time still slowly moving by.

I looked to the left, and then to the right, and seeing nowhere nice and or soft to land I did the only thing left for me to do. I just face planted in the middle of the road. And YES it left a mark.....

As I touched down with about as much grace as a sack of spuds, Rocky and the neighbor's boxer met in a clash of claw and fang, with my shiny spider bike right behind. To this day I am not sure if it was the prowess of my dog or the sight of that spider bike bearing down on him, but that boxer decided to cut and run.

Rocky came padding over to me with a look like "where the heck did you go? I coulda used some backup..." (stupid dog)!!!!

Oscar Wilde said: "Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes."

And a favorite qoute form Mark Twain states: "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."

What Mr. Daddy learned is: "Never tie a square knot, when a twist or two around the bar will do"


This remind you of another "learning moment"?  A hard-earned "epoch of clarity"?

Hook up your link here and we'll be around for some comment love!


Allenspark Lodge said...

Ha! I can laugh, because I haven't done anything like that... that I can remember... in the last 15 minutes or so, anyway.
(cool bike!)

HeatherOz said...

Oh man! I'm just worried about you after you faceplanted! Did the neighbors with the boxer call your parents to come get you or did you have to ride home injured? Oh, I'm just very concerned!

K- floortime lite mama said...

What a lovely way to start the day
An awesome tale from Mr daddy
SO funny
Love the quotes

He & Me + 3 said...

I always worry when I see kids letting their dogs pull them on their bikes or on their roller blades. I just can't watch...but maybe i will stop them & make sure they don't have a knot tied around their bars. LOL

natalee said...

i love this story

Foursons said...

First off- what is a shifter for on your bike? I'm completely confused by that.

Secondly- I saw this coming as soon as you hopped on your bike to go retrieve the dog. How is it that I have such insight? Bwahahahaha

A picture of "the mark" would be nice. Maybe you can draw us one.

Pam said...

As usual...thanks for the laugh.

Kmama said...


All I kept thinking about hwen I read about your fall is how my shoelaces always used to get wrapped around the pedal and take me to the ground. LOL I know it's completely different, but man, it hurts!!

Brandi said...

LOL! What comes to mind is Daddy Bub's rollerblading incident. Dogs and wheels just don't mix. At least you learned your lesson at an early age! BAHAHAHA!

Stacy said...

LOL! I had a dog just like that growing up, too! He was half german shepard and half black lab and full on beast. The only people he loved was his "pack", namely me, my sister and my parents. Everyone else need not try to be friends. There were lots of little Scoobies around the neighborhood and many dogs that learned their lesson. I mean that dog killed a BADGER. I need to write out the story about the burgler that tried to break into our house to steal our guns. He's lucky he lived!

I love the quotes there at the end...definitely a way to learn a lesson LOL!

Aunt Crazy said...

We have a friend that tells the kids a great lesson in life to learn is "if your gonna be dumb you gotta be tough" just sayin

{Kimber} said...

great story...I LOVE that bike!

Jennifer Haas said...

Loved it! My true story was about my dog today too! My dog seems to keep me on my toes the way yours seemed too.

julie said...

Oh man, what a tale! And I love all your southern expressions. :) However, I can't help but notice that you say the dog had a "pea brain" yet he "was so much smarter than [you] at the time." So what exactly does that say about you? Oh, yeah, that you'd use a square not to tie your running dog to your bike. :P Well, I can't say too much, because I had some pretty stellar bike accidents myself as a kid. How did either one of us survive to adulthood?

Margaret said...

Lol that is too funny!

Adrienne said...

Thank you for sharing this is hilarious

Adrienne said...

Thank you for sharing this is hilarious

Adrienne said...

Thank you for sharing this is hilarious

Emily said...

Hilarious! I can totally see why you didn't forget that one!

Muthering Heights said...

Poor thing...did it leave a scar?

Michelle said...

Oh no! That is hilarious and kinda sad too. Poor bike. Dumb dog!

Did you take down the Mcklinky all ready? I know I'm a little late in publishing my TST, but... said...


That had to hurt!!!!!

Both the face and the ego. Yikes.

Sounds like one crazy ol' hound! But, a great pal (most of the time).

Your photoshopping is amazing. LOL!

Good thing city girls don't know how to tie square knots and the cats don't like bikes, or I'd be a gonner too :)

LindsayDianne said...

I was HOWLING while reading this story. So much fun I just had to submit my own true story!
Thanks for sharing. You're a great writer.

Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama said...

Ouch! I think I winced with sympathy pain as I read this!
Love the quotes throughout the story -- that was a great touch!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

I am pretty sure I would have NEVER done such a thing with my orange/red/yellow bike with a beautiful banana seat and orange flag to match. NEVER!

Mrs. NB

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