True Story Tuesday - Because this stuff only happens to me

It’s True Story Tuesday!

Time to dust off those family legends that are just dying to be memorialized in a blog post and shared with the world!  You’ve probably already got a post that qualifies: something amazing, hilarious, outrageous, miraculous and (mostly) true that has happened to you!

So grab the code underneath the TST button the right sidebar, paste it in your post somewhere, then come back and link up for some comment love!

This week brought to you by the girl who lovingly sacrifices her physical wellbeing for your entertainment…

~

BECAUSE THIS STUFF ONLY HAPPENS TO ME

 

That man of mine.

Let’s just say that once I beautified Ella, my husband was very, very unwilling to be caught using my camera.

(Yes, I named my camera.  She’s special to me.  And I don’t have a little girl to dote on.  Come on Mr. Daddy!!!)

See, she wears this pretty little strap from Priddy Creations:

And the man, shockingly, refuses to carry her anywhere.

Which means that when he got his new phone and realized that the camera was much better than his previous phone… the man has become a picture-taking machine.

~

This leads me to a few evenings ago.

Scene:  Rachel is folding freshly laundered towels in the bathroom.

You know… after cooking a gourmet dinner, entertaining 16 dinner guests with her witty banter, sewing new curtains for the living room, polishing the silver, planting a vegetable garden, making organic soap, completing a 2-hour workout, reading 27 chapters of the Bible, and teaching Itty Bit the quadratic equation.

What?  Okay, it was only 2 chapters of the Bible.

Anyway… so I’m folding towels.

And that man and his blasted phone/camera/weapon popped around the doorframe and startled me.

Instinctively, I shielded my perfectly made-up tired face from the flash and shrieked.

The man grinned and continued to aim that obnoxious little shutter at me while I hurriedly unfolded 15 towels in an attempt to grab one to block the horrendous photo he was sure to capture otherwise.

 

He would not stop cracking up.  Yes my dears, this is the exact expression:

 

After the shrieking to no avail thing didn’t work within 30 seconds, I’d finally had enough.

I was gonna kick that man’s butt.

Literally.

 

And friends, let me tell ya.  When you’re holding a full length towel in front of you, make sure that it’s not obstructing your view of any potential obstacles.

Cuz usually when I end up with feet like on the left, it’s because of what’s on the right:

And instead, I took a mighty swing and kicked THROUGH the towel toward my laughing husband’s rear-end.

And I kicked straight into the open cabinet door.

OUCH!!!

 

Oh, but it wouldn’t be a TRUE True Story Tuesday without that little something extra, right?

 

So I kick the cabinet door hard enough that my brain is convinced that I have broken two toes…

and the cabinet door bites back.

 

I.kid.you.not.

 

That thing swung back hard and roundly clocked my OPPOSITE knee – sending me to the floor howling in pain.

 

Would you believe that I kicked high enough that my foot was midair when the cabinet swung to retaliate?  So the blasted thing ended up between my legs by the time I realized my ballet training was far more harmful than helpful?

 

See, I have:

two busted toes on my left foot

an instantaneous gnarly bruise on my right knee.

a cabinet door that no longer closes.

and a husband that unfortunately witnessed the entire thing.

 

(and whose first words were TRUE STORY TUESDAAAAAY!  Is he trained or what?!?)

 

~

Who does this?!?  Tell me I’m not alone!  Got any crazy true stories that need some comment love?  Link ‘em up below and we’ll be around to enjoy them with you!

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SOOC - Maternity Test

When I delivered Itty Bit, the running joke was that he looked so much like Mr. Daddy that I should have requested a maternity test.

Well, the joke has been on me, since that boy has turned out to look an awful lot like his momma’s kid pictures.

 

But there is no doubt whose DNA this boy has…

Remember this?  My redneck  husband and his overkill mole solution?

Check out what I caught Itty Bit doing yesterday…

 

Why yes, I do feel well-protected by my thoroughly armed boys!

 

~

 

Join Melody for some more Straight Out Of the Camera shots!

Letters of Intent - Makeup Edition

It is finally the end of the week (hallelujah!) and I am ready to celebrate with some Letters of Intent!  Go get hooked up at Julie’s for some more get it all out goodness.

 

Dear Shana,

A long overdue public THANK YOU for the amazing giveaway of the Bare Escentuals foundation.  Yes, I know it was something like 3 months ago… I’m just totally behind like that.

But you were right… this stuff actually works for people with problem skin (thank you PCOS).  I am terrified of close up pictures because I am not a fan of showcasing my breakouts enhanced by my wrinkles (that combination should be illegal).

Anyhow – I’m hooked.  And I figure I’d save money using it because it’s foundation and concealer and powder in one, right?  So $60 for this big set that will last me months is a good tradeoff, huh?

 

Thanks again,

A Grateful Friend

~

 

Dear Itty Bit,

 

Boys do not wear makeup.

 

Love,

Your Very Unfair Mommy

~

 

Dear Mr. Daddy,

I so appreciate that you’re willing to watch Itty Bit so I can attend Bible Study.

I was only slightly alarmed that something so serious had occurred to warrant a text message:

HE GOT IN2 UR MAKEUP.  SORRY

 

Now, I’ll admit that I wasn’t overly freaked because I assumed he'd messed with some blush or drawn with some lipliner.

I certainly didn’t expect that he had gotten into the BRAND NEW PACKAGE of expensive stuff a mere two days after it had arrived.  I mean, it kinda goes without saying that if it comes by mail,  it ranks a bit higher on the “protect from curious little boys” meter, right?

Instead, I returned from Bible Study to find that Itty Bit had meticulously shaken all the powder out of FOUR containers, merrily mixed them up all across the bathroom counter, stool, and floor.  Mixed you say?  Oh yes, mixed with blush and my brand new brushes.  Meaning none of the brushes are any good for regular powder anymore.  And wouldn’t you know that the stuff that covers your pores so well, is also insidiously hard to clean up from bathroom surfaces?

 

But truly, what blew me away was our conversation:

 

Mr. Daddy:  Sorry hon.

Me:  (in disbelief) How’d he get into it?

Mr. Daddy:  He was in the bathroom.

Me:  That must have taken a long time to shake it all over.  How long was he in there?

Mr. Daddy:  15 or 20 minutes.

Me:  (screeching) FIFTEEN OR TWENTY MINUTES?!?!

Mr. Daddy:  Yeah.

Me:  What was he doing in there that long?  Why didn’t you check on him?

Mr. Daddy:  I was sleeping.

 

(silence)

(you know, the kind that comes right before a natural disaster?)

 

Me:  You were sleeping?????!

 

Umm  yeah.

Let’s just say that Momma has gone a week without her makeup, and Daddy has gone a week praying that FedEx is quick.

 

Love,

The Wife Who Is Slipping A No-Doz in Your Iced Tea Next Week

~

 

Dear Julie,

 

Yes, we must do a long-overdue Battle Of the Blogs (BOB) soon.

Soooo:

Would you rather go a week without makeup…

or

Would you rather make your husband wear makeup for a week?

:)

 

Love,

The Chick Who Will Take Pictures If #2 Wins

Thank You Very Much - Sneaky Bloggers and Sneaky Boys

Time for some free therapy!  Join KMama for more notes of thankfulness!

A big giant Thank You Very Much goes to….

(drumroll)

ME!

Oh yes, Little Miss Organized Me who completely goofed about the dates for our meeting up with Wife.Mom.Nurse and Switch2PlanB.  I can’t complain too much about it though, since we got an unexpected date out of it and it took me three days to eat that giant cookie.  (I kid, I kid).

And to Brian?  Thank You Very Much for stealing my unpublished post about our ahem adventures.
Oh yes, it’s absolutely worth it.  Go find it here for some giggles.

~

A super-enthusiastic Thank You Very Much to the kiddo who is mastering the art of sneaky misbehavior.

Don’t think for a moment that I didn’t know you had snuck that birthday present and were attempting to pry the box open with a butter knife.

BUSTED.

~

And along those same lines, Thank You Very Much for taking advantage of my attempts to catch up on Bible Study during your bathtime.  As I sat on the floor 3 feet away, you merrily emptied the contents of your bubble bath into the water.

After I’d warned you not to.

Honey, it only makes bubbles when you add it to the running water… thus my warning about wasting the stuff.

I was very impressed with your innate understanding of my priorities when you totally narc’d on yourself and told me, “there’s still a little bit left!”

How could anyone resist your follow-up?

Momma?  I’m berry, berry, berry sorry.
I pwomise I will nebber nebber do it agin.

~

And Mr. Daddy?

Thank You Very Much for being totally clueless at me setting up a shot of an empty coffee cup.

For casually flipping the crumpled up napkins and the remains of Itty Bit’s ice cream cone into my sweet shot:

 

Thank You Very Much.

It wouldn’t have been half as funny if Brian hadn’t seen the whole thing and cracked up too.

~

There,  I feel a wee bit more grateful and ready to face the day!

And THANK YOU VERY MUCH for sticking with us during this hectic time – I’m trying to catch up with some comment love because we’ve missed y’all!  Are you this busy too?!?!

Part Two... now that you're good and annoyed

Really and truly, Mr. Daddy was the mastermind behind that evil “to be continued”…  and he left that last post shortly after detailing my fabulous mix-up that resulted in us being EARLY to something for only the second time since Itty Bit’s birth.  (And let’s just say that Itty Bit was the early one there!)

I mean… I actually got scared because suddenly we were down three followers and I thought I’d royally peeved y’all a bit too much.  And THREE whole followers are a big deal, because we’re so stinkin’ close to 200 that I can *taste* it (and every single one of y’all don’t want to miss that giveaway, right? :)

Actually, three followers was a big deal, because every one of you is a big deal.  Forgiven yet?  Pretty please? :)

Anyhoo - after realizing that we had driven to Seattle a whole day early and were now paying oodles for parking to stand there and look dumbly at eachother… we thought it might be nice to take advantage of the gorgeous day and gawk at all the interesting people enjoy the local scene.

I’m gonna admit that we wore our nice shoes in an effort to impress our bloggy friends… but ultimately decided to skip the fancy restaurants and get some street food.  Does this count?

(Just tell me that’s a giant cookie.  Don’t say it’s a giant head and an ENORMOUS cookie.  I couldn’t handle that).

We stopped to enjoy some tunes with some waaay cool jazz musicians (yes, deaf people can enjoy music – and who wouldn’t love this?)

 

I blew it up big so you could fully appreciate the stainless steel finish, the cute little foot holding that monstrosity up, the insanely crowded “First Starbucks Ever” in the background, and the woman in the doorway who looks like she’s about to flatten someone.

And just because everyone could use a laugh… here’s a little onesie hanging in one of the boutique shops:

We headed back to pick up Itty Bit from Ah-Ma and Papa’s.  He was thoroughly disgruntled at our return, especially so once he realized what the puppies had discovered:

~

A new day dawned, and no babysitters were in sight.  We made the trek again – with a busy 4-year old in tow.  Early again, whaddya know?

The reason he was on Mr. Daddy’s shoulders is because he had just been majorly freaked at the Fish Market.  Why?

Because this, my friends, is a monkfish.

This scary critter was displayed at the Fish Market, half covered by ice (and in this bad picture, half covered by the fish guy’s butt).

Yes, it says “SMELL MY BREATH!  I’M A MONKFISH!”

Which, to the evil fish guys behind the counter, means

“Wait until some idiot gets close, then shove that hunk of smelly teeth at their unsuspecting face”

(Yes, I was an idiot.  And  yes, my screams are why Itty Bit was on Daddy’s shoulders).

Finally it was time to meet Julie (wife.mom.nurse) and Brian (guitarist turned English teacher turned firefighter turned writer – not necessarily in that order…).

Oh my gosh… you know how kids have a sense about good people?  Well, we could hardly pry him off of poor Julie.  He wanted to talk non-stop with her and conned her out of a significant amount of change at a fountain.

Is she not gorgeous?!

Mr. Daddy and rocker/professor/firefighter/writer hit it off immediately

(Is it totally weird of me that I ran up and started a hug fest because I felt like I already knew them?)

We meandered around the market and wound up with sushi for lunch.  See Itty Bit’s fascination with Brian’s story?

It may or may not have had a little something to do with this:

(And yes, a big Thank You to Mr. Daddy who gave the kid CHEETOS on the way up… I’m sure our friends were much impressed with the neon orange on his lips and sleeves).

~

We enjoyed terrific conversation… these people have so many amazing stories and an obvious love for their family.  And would you believe that we are not the only TST-bound couple?  Turns out that their plane was delayed that morning because (get this) another plane face-planted on the runway right before they left!  I imagine they would have felt at home with the emergency responders… though I’m not sure I’d want to stay on my plane after witnessing that!

~

What could be better than time spent with good friends (plus coffee and ice cream)?

(Yes, there’s a story behind this picture, and Mr. Daddy knows better than to mess up a shot, LOL)

~

They kindly consented to a few shots to commemorate their anniversary trip… and I think they make a smokin’ couple (get it Brian?  I crack myself up sometimes).

Loved meeting you guys and hope you are thoroughly enjoying the rest of your trip.  Anyone else want to join up in California for some more bloggy fun?!?!

True Story Tuesday - Well What Else Would You Expect?

Where did the weekend go?!?! It's True Story Tuesday time... where that family legend is just itching to be written and that outrageous story your friends couldn't believe is begging to be posted. Just grab the code underneath the TST button on the right sidebar, copy it into your post and link that puppy up. We'll be around for some comment love - cuz everyone needs a hilarious/amazing/miraculous story, right?!

~

This week brought to you by the man whose wife trembles each time he logs onto her blog... give it up for the unpredictable Mr. Daddy!

~

Well here we are Saturday May 22, 2010....

We have been waiting with bated breath for this day for,,,,,, Well a long time...

every since wife.Mom.Nurse, and her FireHubby have decided to come to Seattle for their anniversary....

And hinted at maybe, just maybe we might be able to meet in person...

Now if you have ever read their blogs, And I'm saying that it will only take one post, you will be as hooked as we are in following them I'm quite certain...

I don't remember if we found them, or they found us, but I must say thank you God for this blessing of someone finding someone...

So were was I?????? "O" yeah. Saturday A.M. We are rushing around trying to tidy up all the loose ends, cause we are gonna get to meet THE couple...

Itty Bit is all excited, cause he gets to go to Grandma Far Away's who is just maybe his most favorite person in the whole wide world. Yeah the whole afternoon and evening, just him and Ah-Ma. Rach and I are pretty excited to we don't leave him often, and this was a chance for a time to get out as a couple with the added bonus of hooking up with a couple that we both respect and have come to think of as friends. If only in the bloggy sense...

As usual, fate conspired against us.... With a gazillion little things at the last minute, that as you all know just have to be taken care of NOW!!!

And as I'm quite sure you all know that Seattle wasn't rated in the top 10 worst cities to drive in for nothing...

All of which conspired to make us, WELL about 22 and a half hours EARLY....

If you all have heard the one about the cowboy that road into town on Wednesday, but arrived on Friday, stayed four days, which made it Saturday and still left on Friday.....(his horse was named Friday)....

WELL!!!!!!!! this aint nothing like that......

Rach just got mixed up is all......

And Yeah, I'm totally calling her out on this one, cause it's my story and I'm sticking to it...*snicker*

(Rach In: I thought I already told you this was banned bloggy material???)

Every one knows us guys can't plan crap anyway, so imagine my surprise when I walk up to the front desk and ask for her to ring Brian & Julie's room, and she looks at her screen, and asks can I spell their last name... Me: Ummmm NO, what do I look like a Rhodes Scholar, for cripes sake...

I cast a quick desperate glance at Rach to see if she caught it, and I'll be danged if them ear drops haven't been doing a fine job of helping her lip reading, cause she just chimed right in with the correct spelling... (what a gal)

(Rach In: I soooo knew you were going there, Dear)

The girl looks again,,,,, Umm no, we have no one by that name.....

Have you ever had that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach???

Now I have had some practical jokes pulled on me, but never in my born days have I EVAH been punked... So I frantically discreetly cast a furtive look around for that Kutcher, fellow. Or at the least some thing outa place...

Nope nothing wrong that I can tell...

The gal does a little magic on her screen and says "O they are scheduled to arrive tomorrow...."

WHAT??? TOMORROW..... NNNNNoooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Are you sure.....?

Mission accomplished, I got her worried now, Cause they are booked solid and she is worried that they did something wrong.... I know, I know we are good like that...

She get on the horn and calls a number right away, Yeah, you guessed it... Goes straight to voicemail.....

Rach had emailed Julie with our number, but we hadn't got a reply back with theirs....and you know that desk lady is not authorized to give out any info....

I ask to use the restroom cause all the excitement has went straight to my bladder...

We are leaving and I hear a "Hey mister, hey mister..... " It's the desk gal, holding up the phone.. it's for you.... I just know that it's that Kutcher fellow, so I'm getting ready to make a break for it. It's Mister Firehubby.... Thank God for small bladders eay.....?

I pick up the phone and say hello.....Brian??? YEAH.. "Hey man I am sorry...."

I am thinking he is apologizing for our mistake... I think I'm gonna really like this guy....

I immediately step up and take the high ground,,,, NO NO it was Rach's fault,,, really!!! cuz I always got her back ya know....

(Rach In: WHAT?!?! Thanks a lot, Dear. What was the FIRST thing I said to you at the hotel lobby? This is NOT going on the blog! ARGH! Help me out friends, my blog = my rules, right?)

So we figure out that Rach someone got their wires crossed.. and seeings that he was still at work, it didn't take us very long to figure out that it just wasn't gonna happen...hey inspector Clouseau has nothing on me, when it come to a little deductive reasoning...LOL

Needless to say Rach and I were very disappointed, we weren't sure if we would be able to pull off another trip up to Seattle the next day when they were really going to be there. We had not made any arrangements for Itty Bit on the 23rd and we had an appointment to take care of some other business.... It was looking grim on getting to meet...

(Rach In: You know, why don't you just let me take over for the rest of the story, k? Cuz you weren't even supposed to tell this one!)

Umm actually, in the spirit of Brian's infamous "To Be Continued" notoriety...

(Don't shoot! Mr. Daddy made me do it!)

~

So... ever goofed bigtime and ended up feeling like a dolt when it was publicized? No? Well don't mention your perfection and just pretend so I'll feel better, k?

We'll continue Part Deux tomorrow and beg y'all to link up with this little oopsie.

Add your post for some linky love!

~

Go Away God

Sorry…

I meant to have a more upbeat post next, but this just really infuriated me and this blog is a safe place to vent.

 

We are not rich people and are living frugally while renting out our former home.  There are lots of people stuck with homes turned into rentals in this market.  In hopes to avoid a house payment, I logged onto Craigslist today to post an ad after our renters moved out.

I tried in vain to post an ad several times.  It kept returning a message of "posting blocked”.  Underneath showed several potential reasons for being blocked.  I assumed it was because the ad was too similar to other homes available for rent in the neighborhood.

I changed the wording and tried again and again.

BLOCKED.

 

And finally, after a sudden thought, I removed the last line of my ad and held my breath.

 

YOUR AD HAS BEEN POSTED.

 

And instead of celebrating, I felt like being sick.

 

The last line of my ad?

 

GOD BLESS

Super Late Catch-Up Letters of Intent

Otherwise known as the bleed from your eyeballs a’la picture overload post.  Sorry.

The past few weeks have been C.R.A.Z.Y.  You’ll see.

Hop along with Julie for Letters of Intent.  It’s my sanity preservative!

 

Dear Itty Bit -

For somehow managing to excel at hitting the toilet at the exact right angle to splash it right back on you… take a bow.

For then running out to the front lawn show everyone your Diego undies, I am utterly grateful.

On Mother’s Day no less…

Your Loving (and speechless) Mommy

~

 

To Wavy ~

You’re proof that a superstar talent can still come in a Nice Guy package.

Captaining your team to the playoffs in your Senior year… does it get much better?

We were already pretty darn excited – but that backwards kick was truly outrageous :)

(Umm yeah… he kicked it with his left foot while completely in midair.  He’s got skilz I tell ya)

By the way… I still remember holding you at a few minutes old and even changing a stinky or two… so keep on flashing that winning smile, I got the goods on you.

Love the Chick Who Suddenly Feels Old

~

 

Dear Itty Bit -

I appreciate the NON-STOP screaming at Wavy’s game.

I know all of the other fans did as well.

GO WAVY GOOOOOOOOOO! is acceptable when they are actually playing.

Not when the crowd is quiet because he’s down with an elbow to the head.

And while we’re talking about playoff game etiquette… I hate to break it to you, but the insane cheering had less to do with your undeniable cuteness, and more to do with winning in a shootout after double overtime.

Though I’m sure they all appreciated that you took a bow.

 

Love,

Your Momma With the Giggles

~

 

Dear My Four-Year Old ~

I know you loved your birthday dinner at Red Robin.  And I think they loved you there too.

But you absolutely stole the show from the poor girl dressed in that bird outfit.

When the toddler sitting behind us was being a bit of a stinker and hitting her parents… that Dad of hers had finally had enough.  He leaned down low and started:

One…

Two…

 

and apparently that was your cue.

Most of the restaurant in our section fell apart as you turned around and eagerly yelled:

THREEFOURFIVESIXSEVENEIGHTNINETENELEVEN!!!!

Oy.

 

Love,

Your Momma Who Loves Your Impeccable Timing

 

~

To my Dad,

Thanks a lot for putting a moratorium on any pictures of you on my blog.

Well, NYAH NYAH NYAH.

This counts for half a point.

Sincerely,

The Daughter Who Loves How Much That Boy Loves You

~

 

To My Sis ~

Thank you for the birthday visit.

 

And for bringing your girls.

(See, May-May agrees that you need to visit more often!)

 

And for the awesome gifts.

(“Luloo” was May-May’s “I Love You”.  Yes she painted that!  Help me talk her into Etsy!)

And Mom’s present was cool too!

I ahem, am sorry for the scene that greeted you at the park.  I know you’re used to all girls…

Love,

Your Karate Sibling

~

 

Dear Mr. Daddy,

 

YOU BIG WEENIE.

 

‘nuf said.

 

Love,

Your Brave Wife and Fun-Loving Kid

~

 

Dear Itty Bit,

You do realize the zoo admission was $36.40 for our little family?

I was thrilled that you found something that absolutely fascinated you!

 

 

 

Even more thrilled that you wanted to spend all day here.

But heck – it was probably your favorite birthday present, right?

I can’t get over how small you are next to these big ‘uns.  And all you want to do is climb in and grab the controls.

Love,

Your Momma Who Knows Better Than to Mess With What’s In Your Blood

~

 

To This Wacky Weather,

Quit it.  It was gorgeous out.  Until the clouds started sliding by at frightening speed.

SIXTY MILES AN HOUR?

Really?

Thanks for freaking my kid out who finally realized the snapping sounds were trees breaking.

Love,

The Girl Who Needs Some Sunshine… have you SEEN my legs???

~

 

Dear Pups,

You boys are getting HUGE!

You’re still kinda freaking Itty Bit out with the romping, but he’s coming around.

See?

 

But I don’t really think you’re fooling anyone when Papa yells, “NO DIGGING IN THE GRASS”, and you pop up your little head with this “who me?” look…

Love,

The Girl Who Wishes You’d Sit Still For Her Camera More Often

 

~

 

To the bloggers we get to meet tomorrow,

WHOO-HOO!  We are so stinking excited to see you!

And please forgive me in advance.  Mr. Daddy is hilarious in person, but I sadly, edit and re-edit in many attempts at funniness.  And unfortunately, there’s no backspace and copy/paste functions in actual conversation.  So if I go quiet, it’s probably just in awe of you because I’m feeling less-than cerebral :)

(Any guesses who we’re meeting???)

 

Love,

One Excited Chick

~

 

And I promise… last one…

To the boy who burst in as I was hoping for 8.2 seconds of privacy to pee… took one look at my exasperated countenance and exclaimed,

“Oh Mommy, you are darling!”

Apparently my mini-bladder is darling, just darling.

 

Love,

The One Who Wonders Where You Get This Goofiness

 

~

Sorry… blogging has been hard to come by lately and I finally got a few seconds to write some darling words.

And ahem, please pray that I do not do anything TST-worthy in front of wifemomnurse and switch2planb!