Monday, June 14, 2010

True Story Tuesday - Save Me

Seems impossible, but it's already time for a True Story Tuesday!

It’s easy to play along – just grab the code under the button on the right sidebar, throw it in your post, come back and link up, and enjoy some comment love :)  What post, you say?  Why one you may have already written!  Something crazy, hilarious, amazing, outrageous, miraculous and (mostly) true that has happened to you!

This week brought to you by a very red-faced moi…

~

Save Me

 

So y’all know I work in law enforcement, right?  Which means I’m surrounded by mostly members of the male gender and quite frequently I feel like I’m a little team mascot for all those brawny guys.

 

CHIPS (Oh y’all might be laughing right now, but I guarantee a good half of you had crushes on ‘em.)

One day, someone realizes that I hadn’t taken a First Aid course and I was sent to the Academy to join an officer CPR refresher class.

I walk into the room and recognize not a single face.  Long rows of big muscle dudes turn to see the then-tiny chick that had just walked in and looked woefully out of place.  I literally am the only female, save my sign language interpreter… who just happens to be my mother.

Yes, her.

The one without a sense of humor.

funnyface

So I take a seat and dutifully prepare to take notes.

 

It’s one of those “practice” classes.

Which means OhGoodLord I have to get overly-comfortable with plastic dummies.

And if I thought that was bad…

We are then instructed to buddy up for some “real life” practice.  I look around and all the law enforcement officers quickly partner up… save one especially burly fellow with a twinkle in his eye.

Hey, I’m K-9 Trooper Bosch, nice to meet ya”.

(More like K-9 Trooper OhMyGOSCH Are You Tall…)

I start praying that our team scenario is a diabetic with a glucose low – he can get extra credit for throwing me a few Skittles.  But alas, it is not to be.

The instructor decides to take advantage of having a female in the classroom and brings us up to talk about how to handle women’s *ahem* undergarments.  My mother is smirking as she signs the instructor’s spiel.

NO KIDDING.

He starts talking about how to find the place for chest compressions in relation to a bra.  And how to make sure someone isn’t wearing an underwire before using an AED (heart jumper paddle thingies) machine on them.  Why?  Cuz they’ll burn ya.  Under your precious girls.  I wasn’t sticking around for THAT demonstration!

And now to the actual embarrassing part of our story.

 

We get the choking scene.

Yeah… and Mr. OhMyGosch volunteers to be the victim.

I’m tellin’ ya.  This guy deserves an Oscar.  Apparently, he was well known as the class clown because the snickers started well before his performance.

 

Oh he gasped.  He wheezed.  He pointed and grabbed at his throat and began staggering around.

 

And as the instructor tried to maintain order in the classroom, he indicated that I was to attempt a Heimlich maneuver from behind him.

Remember… the dude is like 7’4” and his barrel-chested.  My ballet training couldn’t do much for my 5’3” frame as I struggle to circle my arms around his ribcage.  Our classmates have progressed from snickers to full-out laughter by this point, as I try to clasp my hands and squeeze his chest.

He gives a little hop and keeps right on with the choking act.

And dadgumit if that instructor wasn’t in on it.

Amidst the rapidly increasing hilarity, he says, “if they’re taller than you, try to lay them down”.  And just like that, Mr. OhMyGosch’s legs suddenly turn to rubber and he collapses on top of me.

 

Except that the gig isn’t up.  I am completely pinned underneath him as he continues his fish out of water episode.  The sound effects would be enough to make me laugh if I could actually breathe beneath the crushing weight.

And if that wasn’t bad enough… I look to my mother for help and she is totally cracking up.

Traitor *ahem*

 

There ya have it.  The day a cop nearly killed me in a CPR class.

first aid

~

Got any fun stories to share?  We could all use some laughs or some awesome good news!

Have a great Tuesday and don’t forget to link up for some comment love! :)

24 comments:

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo ahem while he was doing his fish out of water on me gig I would have placed a carefully located knee in the groin of the imaginary choking victim. That'll get whatever it is outta his throat guarantee it..

GunDiva said...

Yay! I'm the first to link up :)

I totally agree with singedwingangel.

HeatherOz said...

Hee hee! I alwayed hated cpr class! It was always SO embarrassing. I can only imagine your embarrassment!

Michelle said...

Oh my gosh Rachel. You always have the best stories! Is there ever a week when you struggle to come up with something?

Thank you so much for all your prayers this week. They are not going on deaf ears. God is hearing and responding!

City girl turned Country Girl said...

How oh HOW can you possibly have so many entertaining stories!! You never cease to amaze me LOL!! Thanks for the giggles! I'm really glad that cop didn't crush you to death ;)

Buckeroomama said...

LOL! You have such a cool mom! That's all I can say. :)

Kmama said...

LOL Love that story. I can only imagine the scene, and it's hilarious to me!

Bits-n-Pieces said...

my ex is a former cop, and an emt, (and a firefighter) and I can totally imagine him or his buddies doing something like that to a female officer!! Bless your heart! Sounds like something that would happen to me!!

Stacy said...

I can just picture it LOL!

My sis also work with law enforcement and I am well versed in their antics. She's usually the one that tells them when they have screwed up on something, though, so they need to be on her good side. ;)

K- floortime lite mama said...

Awwww you are sooo cute and soooo funny
WIsh your mum had a little video camera

BK said...

LOL! My mom took law enforcement, she was in wildlife, working on a refuge. They didn't like her because in the practice scenarios she would shoot first, ask questions later!

Aunt Crazy said...

bwaaahahahahaha I spent about 8 years working in a plant with mostly men...CPR/First Aid was always a fun time for us! They all wanted to be in my class...LMAO. I told them all that if I ever fell out at work, they better just let me lie there until the ambulance came cuz they only wanted to touch my boobies and kiss me on the mouth...LMAO Another time, I was partnered with a funny guy and it was time to blow air into the dummy, and I'll be damned if I didn't say out loud, I don't even know if I can blow this dummy! hahahaha

Dana-from chaos to Grace said...

I LOVE it! LOL HAHAHAHAHAHA I can picture this SO WELL in my head! LOL

Sorry I missed last week! I tried to get it typed in and scheduled, but ran out of time.

Killlashandra said...

I imagine that there are a lot of funny cop stories like that one floating around. ;) Nothing like getting teamed up with the class clown. LOL Glad he didn't suffocate you.

The Simple Life said...

WOW - that really sucked, you know it's always bad when you are the only girl (or one of only 2) in a room of men.

I always enjoy your True Story Tuesdays!

Beth Zimmerman said...

Rachel! You are just precious! I LOVE coming to your blog! So glad that big ol' fireman didn't squish li'l ol' you! I think I like your mom too! :)

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Seriously?! How does this stuff always happen to you?! I love that your mom was cracking up. I think her version would be quite entertaining as well!

Mrs. NB

Tiffany said...

Really? Only you, sister. My cousin is a cop, and she has had to hold her own a time or two against the fellas too. You are such a good sport.

Foursons said...

That is when a well placed elbow to any sensitive part of the brute's body would come in handy. Oh and make sure to announce, "You are OK, I am here to help you" really loud. And if he continues to be obnoxious, then smack him across the face really hard and tell him to settle down. :)

wife.mom.nurse said...

That is really funny :)

I can just picture you now...tiny thing...trying to get your arms around the burly dude LOL.

Oh, as for Johnny and Ponch...USED to have a crush...yea, that's it...USED to :)




Just kiddin' Firehubby ;)

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

This story cracked me up! I can totally picture it in my mind. Your mom sounds like a funny lady!

Double Wide Mom said...

Ouch! Id say you were pretty Punk'd. I'll be linking up soon. What fun!

semicrunchymama said...

OK, first of all -- orange juice HURTS when it's snorted out of a nose. Just sayin'. I need to learn not to read your True Story Tuesday posts while eating breakfast, because I wind up laughing hard enough to cause bodily harm every time.

I'm dying here just picturing this entire scenario, then as soon as I calm down, I'm dying again thinking that your mom was there, snickering, the entire time!

Dyann said...

Call me next time. I'll interpret for you without totally cracking up at you.

Uh, nevermind. But that would've been a great one to witness!