Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Deaf guess

Since y’all were asking what exactly that durn hemorrhoid birthday card said… I thought I’d give you a peek into what it can be like for a deaf chick to do some sleuthing.

See, we depend a lot on context clues.  And of course, Google ;)

Here’s the card:



Then what I thought was the punchline…


And yes… the darn thing talked… and talked… and talked…

And I found myself Googling “Bill Engvall hemorrhoids” (which was a surreal moment, I tell ya), and I’m just now realizing that some really weird searches are gonna lead to THIS post.

And this is what Google gave me… a little excerpt from his book:  (highly hilarious I might add)




So I’ll leave you with those chuckles, since I’m really and truly leaving (on a jet plane, that is).  Y’all are gonna have to beg Mr. Daddy for some posts until I get back with some new True Story Tuesdays (because hanging out with other bloggers always results in those, no?)

Keep my boys company, will ya?  I’m rather terrified that I’ll leave for the weekend and return to find that someone taught my 4-year old how to shoot and skin an elk… *sigh*



Melissa said...

Oh fer funny!
Prayers to you for safe travel...
Prayers for the boys fer safe-ty!

Kmama said...

LOL!! I love Bill Ingvall!

Mrs Mom said...

At least Mr Daddy won't take that sweet 4 year old out drinking beers and chasing hookers! ;)

Have fun Rachel, and know I'm steaming away down in the Southland, wishing I was up there with y'all......

K- floortime lite mama said...

That is HYSTERICALLY funny
I love it
Enjoy your trip
here is another list

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- 'Directions: Use like regular soap.'
(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- 'Serving suggestion: Defrost.'
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- 'Do not turn upside down.'
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- 'Product will be hot after heating.'
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- 'Do not iron clothes on body.'
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.'
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'
(...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- 'For indoor or outdoor use only.'
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor --'Not to be used for the other use.'
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- 'Warning: contains nuts.'
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'
(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw --'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

K- floortime lite mama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Foursons said...

Who are you going to meet? I missed something here.

I'm sure the card was just PERFECT for Mr. D's sense of humor. You did well. :)

Have a fun trip and I look forward to the TST's.

Brandi said...

Bill is HILARIOUS. Watched him recently on the comedy channel and nearly peed myself.

Yes, inquiring minds... who ya going to see?

Have a safe trip (and lots of fun, of course)! :)

Amy said...

Oh that is still too funny about the card! He is pretty funny to watch! I love his expressions!

I don't think you are really going to "meet" with other bloggers. If you were we would all know about it, wouldn't we??? I think you are really going on a fancy getaway and didn't want the hubby to go! LOL No really, have a good time (but just know I'm onto you!) I hope the tropical paradise you are visiting is fantastic! Ha ha!

Praying for a safe and fun trip... and for Itty Bit not to shoot ANYTHING while you are away!

Beth Zimmerman said...

I wish you were flying to Tulsa! Wherever you're going will be brighter because you are there! Have fun!

Lisa said...

Funny, funny, funny!

Tiffany said...

Oh I am so sad! 9 hours away from me, and I won't get to see you. But, perhaps, someone just might teach Itty Bit how to kill & gut an elk? I know Kat could - she would love to take little guy hunting! Have a wonderful time - we will miss you!

GunDiva said...


Rachel's coming to visit!!!!

Nanner, nanner, nanner, I get to play with Rachel ALL WEEKEND :)

Mr. Daddy, why don't you wait 'til Itty Bit's six before you teach him to kill and skin?

GunDiva said...

Oh, I was so busy gloating that I forgot to mention - I got to meet Bill Engvall several years ago and he was so wonderful and he smelled good, even though I probably didn't because I'd just come down off the mountain from a horseback ride.

He's freakin' hilarious!

Allenspark Lodge said...

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, Rachel, and we will make Mr. Daddy soooo jealous by finding some elk for pics! Next year..

Kameron said...

Have a great time! And thanks for the laugh. I'm reading reports that were boring me to tears! I needed a pick me up!

Crystal @ Semi-Crunchy Mama said...

Bill Engvall is hilarious! And then as I'm reading through the comments, I get to K- floortime lite mama's and thought for sure I'd wake up my little guy from his nap because I was howling over that list of product warnings! My son has a plastic play construction hat with a label that states: "For pretend play only." I'm just imagining who on earth would have actually worn a miniature toy hat as protective gear on a job site, making that label necessary.

Dyann said...

Oh My Gosh, K-floortime lite mama, my eyes burn with the running mascara! I actually laughed out loud! (And Rach, you were funny too.) ;)

ww we w said...

balenciaga sneakers
jordan shoes
adidas iniki
kobe 9
kyrie irving shoes
adidas nmd
lebron james shoes
hermes birkin bag
pg 1