Thursday, August 05, 2010

Thank You Very Much - Under Siege

Joining up with Kmama for some free venting therapy this week!


So I’m crashed on the couch at the end of a long day (12:20 am to be exact), and suddenly this shadow comes racing across the floor directly toward me.

Being the logical person that I am, I knew this ping-pong ball sized thing could seriously injure a grown woman and I proceeded to shriek (under my breath… I’ve learned that panic is not the best way to wake a sleeping babe, Thank You Very Much), jump up to stand on the couch, and start hyperventilating.

What was it?

(warning… graphic photo below)



house spider 2 (google images)

Yes, that was about the exact size of it, too, Thank You Very Much.

Sidenote:  Just because I love y’all and think you can learn from my mistakes: do NOT Google house spider images.  You know these are bad boys when every other picture has a ruler or something that proves these things are monstrous!  Cuz they really and truly are, Thank You Very Much!

So I grab a handful of paper towels and I’m gonna squish.that.sucker, Thank You Very Much.  (Sorry PamD – I know you can handle creepy crawlies, but I could not stomach the thought of this thing crawling on my family while we slept!)


I’m not even kidding you… I about woke my man up when I realized that the monster had run into hiding before I could return with my weapons.  So I grabbed a flashlight, moved a couple hundred pounds of furniture, and spotted that bad boy poised to strike.

I literally stood there with a flashlight for a good 30 seconds, trying to gather courage for placing an appendage anywhere near that foul thing, Thank You Very Much.

And when I finally did, I was afraid to look.  I braved a peek and realized that the sucker had moved and was barely pinned.  I did another super-quiet freak-out and smooshed, smooshed, smooshed that thing, Thank You Very Much.

And after the battle, I carried the carnage to the kitchen sink.  The beast was folded up and still.  And then I did the stupidest thing I’ve done in awhile, Thank You Very Much.


Those things don’t die!


Oh my Lord… when I came back 20 minutes later, hoping for a picture to prove my bravery… that THING was stretched out and very much alive!


Smash smash, squish squish, smoosh, smoosh, silent scream


If you think I was going to let this prehistoric beast live, look up close:


Let’s just say that if he comes back to life now, he won’t be able to get around very well… Thank You Very Much!



In other equally-scary news… what on earth?  I advertise an upcoming giveaway and I lose two followers?  What’d I say?  I’m sorry!  Come back please!  I miss you, Thank You Very Much!



Okay… now I need to go scrub my eyeballs… I have spiders on my blogpage!!!


Merri Ann said...

THANKS for ruining my day. OMG I hate those things. I would NEVER have gotten close enough to squish it ... I probably would have called 911.

I was resisting getting a pest control service when we moved to Texas until one morning my husband spotted one the size in your photo with the hand in it ... I was on the phone to them IMMEDIATELY. I told each service that I would sign a year contract with the person who could get there the quickest.


Shana Putnam said...

Oh I woke up to one of those crawling up my arm. I almost had a friggin' heart attack! I am so not kidding you and I DID freak out. I screamed and Blaze and Chris both about jumped out of the bed and I was standing up in the bed shrieking at Chris that there was a tarantula in the bed lol. It looked like one without my glasses on anyway and it was surely big enough to be one. But he found it and killed it and I lost 15 years off my life. I still think about that and have to get up, turn the lights on and check all around the bed. Not cool.

Foursons said...

Shoes Rachel! Smash the thing with a shoe next time!!!

Rachel said...

LOL - you are so right Julie! But I couldn't move very far from the spider to get my shoes - for fear that I wouldn't be able to find it again and the thing would HAUNT me!

Shana - I about had a heart attack just reading that one was ON you!

Merri Ann - I totally do not blame you for hiring someone to take care of those beasts!

Merri Ann said...

I also have to tell you that the rule I live by is "...they always travel in pairs"

Merri Ann said...

I also have to tell you that the rule I live by is "...they always travel in pairs"

Unknown said...

Oh, I have a TST post all ready to go for this one! Ugh! Spiders are just nasty creatures. And I agree with Julie - maybe that explains why my children leave their shoes everywhere!

MrsMann said...

Why did you do this to me? *sobs* WHY?!?!?

I tried to read and just cover the pictures with my hand... but then you had those two photos too close together near the end... so I can't even read what you said there.

You kinda ruined it for me. In my mind, I I've convinced myself that there's only actually a few spiders in the world. And that they can't get bigger than the biggest I've seen. And that since I have seen a monster, I won't see anymore like it. Thanks for bursting my bubble.


Unknown said...

New follower here! Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

Christy said...

OMG! LOL! I'm the person who will hunt down a cricket in the house at 3 in the morning! I'm not scared of spiders but I definitely don't want to think about them crawling all over me in the middle of the night.

Steph said...

EWWWW!!!!! I would have screamed too! Then I probably would have woke my hubby up and made him get that huge thing! Then I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to sleep the rest of the night!

Stopping by from Kmama's page! Hope you have a great rest of the week and weekend!

Kmama said...

I have the willies just looking and thinking about that thing. Eeew!!! I often take paper towel and fold it into a large square. Then I wet it, and throw it on the creepy crawly, trapping it inside. Then I can grab something heavy and smash the smithereens out of it. LOL

Thanks for linking up (and for the willies!).

Amy said...

Oh my gosh! I sooooo would have gotten my hubster to do that dirty work! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! And i do believe I would be having him treat the house for bugs the very next day! Ewwwww! Glad you lived to tell the tale!

Losers. Who unfollows a blog???? Especially a great blog like this???? Who do they think they are??? I bet they will come back!

Brandi said...

LMBO... I hope you sleep well after Merri Ann's comment!

LAWD! I wouldn't have been able to sleep with that thing loose in the house either. But I give you props for being BRAVE b/c I would have woke my man up to get that huge sucker!

Sylvia Plathypus said...

*super shudders!!!!!!* Lord God almighty....I couldn't even read the last part, because those pics FREAKED ME OUT!!! And I'm not even an arachnophobe like that...jeepers!!!! I'm glad you squished the life out of it. It would be too scary to think of that thing running loose in the world, I tell ya'!

Merri Ann said...

I just had to leave one more comment ... mostly as a public service announcement ... it really is us against them :)) ...

You can spray them with hair spray and it will totally stop them in their tracks ... then you can go in for the squish.

Just thought you could use that info...

Anonymous said...

ohmigosh THANK YOU VERY MUCH where's my SHOTGUN?!

He & Me + 3 said...

OMGosh I hate spiders almost as much as I hate snakes. They give me the heebie jeebies! YUCK.
Glad you got it.
Sorry about the followers. I lose one every Saturday so that is a lot since I started blogging. LOL

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

That thing is HUGE!!! I would have screamed... and so would have Nurse Boy! YIKES!!! And now I have to go check my bed sheets before I climb in. Ha!

Mrs. NB

Pam D said...

Mmmmmwah! Thanks for the shoutout! Now. Y'all make me laugh! I have SO been there, on the "freaked out by spiders" boat. But a few years with my boy, and I am magically cured. NOT! Seriously, I hate the darn things, and yet, because of my boy, I do see the beauty,too. IF they're outside. Once they venture into MY house? All is fair... and ALL means shoes, brooms, RAID, or whatEVER it takes.
Of course, my boy saw a lovely garden spider at the barn back behind our house. And he HAD to move her... to our back deck. So he could feed her, of course. Do I have pictures? You bet your sweet bippy I do. If some ginormous spider is going to be invited to take up residence on my deck, she WILL earn her keep. Lets just say that I am primed and ready for ANY bug photo contest that I can find!
Glad you're OK, Rach. Those things CAN bite. Not deadly, just painful. Don't ask how I know.

HeatherOz said...

No no no no no no!!!!!!
That is not what I needed to see before I go to bed! Holy cow, I thought the ones in my house were bad! The legs on that thing are unbelievable!
I lost a follower after posting my boys' birth story! *sigh*

Alexandra said...

OH MY GOSH!!! YOu must live in Texas!! cuz everything is bigger there...

Discovery School at First Baptist Heath said...

ROFLMBO.. ( only laughing cause it did not happen at my house....) Not a fan of spiders, but then my hubby was bit by a brown recluse and almost lost his I am the designated spider killer here... said...

ok! I have the heebie jeebies (or however you spell that) I was not able to look at your post long enough to read it all because you FREAKED me out! Hope you finally killed that sucker (sorry Pam)

Farmers Wifey said...

nononononono delete delete delete why did i read this!!

Dyann said...

Same sort of thing this evening, but it was a GINORMOUS earwig ON MY KEYBOARD!!! It had the hugest pincers that I've ever seen! I'm not afraid of them, but detest them deeply. In this case, however, hubby took care of it for me.

It was so nasty. *shudder* again.

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