Monday, September 20, 2010

True Story Tuesday - I ate WHAT????

Hey y'all - it's that time again!







True Story Tuesday is upon us and we're hunting for some other crazy, hilarious, amazing, outrageous and (mostly) true stories to join up! It's super easy! Maybe you've already written a post that perfectly qualifies!

Just copy and paste the code beneath the TST button on the right sidebar somewhere into your post so people can find their way back to the link list, then come back and hook up your post address at the bottom for some comment love! (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

This week is brought to you by the ineffable Mr. Daddy and his hunting buddies. You've been warned.


I ate WHAT????


Several years ago, along about this time of year. I and my brother, (Brush Ape) and one of our good friends (Ridge Runner) were off chasing the wily Wapiti...


Big surprise, eh?!!!!



And just for the record, before you get all stink eye on me. I have moved up into a more politically correct form of being....


While back then we referred to it as "killing the big one", or "culling the herd", I have evolved into a kinder and gentler person...


We now term it as "harvesting the game". While still accomplishing the same end, I can now hold my head up in genteel company, firmly clasping my tea cup twixt thumb and forefinger with pinky slightly raised and gently extended, and discuss the merits of harvesting the herd...


Granted, my idea of refined company would probably be more in line with the gang at the old Cheers bar, but I should at least get some recognition for trying...


Just saying.....


And speaking of the gang at the Cheers bar, Cliffie gave one of the best reasons for the need of harvesting the herd while supporting the benefits of a brew or two....


It goes something like this:

One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.."


But I digress, Brush Ape, Ridge Runner and myself were out trying to harvest a bull elk...

We had located one in the early evening, but being in moderate elk country (meaning nearly vertical) we unanimously agreed that we needed to come back early the next morning, (early meaning a long time before breakfast)....

We were up and hiking by 4:00 A.M. and at the crack of dawn were set up.

We bugled at it like an enraged jealous suitor, which achieved only an enraged rebuttal and the scarring up of a few tree. We tried lulling it with the s#xiest cow talk that we could muster between us, replete with raging s#xual attractant (yes elk estrus) sprayed on scent pads.

We spared no hold, gave it our all only to be fouled by the tricks of nature and shifting winds.

So we hiked drug our sorry butts back out of the woods at about 11:00...


Needless to say the couple of granola bars in my pack had pretty much run their course, and my bellybutton was bouncing off my backbone. And I am pretty certain sure that I could of polished off the south end of a north bound skunk.

Brush Ape and Ridge Runner were in no better shape, and the only thing on our mind was getting back to camp and getting some chow...

We piled into the rig and started the several mile trek back, Ridge Runner and myself being in the front of his quad cab Toyota heard some rustling around in the back...

Seems as if Brush Ape had discovered a partial bag of Mothers Chocolate Chip Cookies...



No amount of cajoling or threatening could induce him to share, and all the while he was complaining about them being soggy. When he was done he wadded up the bag and threw it at me.  In desperation, I straightened it out to look for that last crumb... when I spied a very neat hole chewed in the bottom corner...


And as there had been an over-infestation of field mice that year and we had been battling them in camp the whole time, I quickly deduced the reason for the neat little hole. And upon closer inspection I spied some little black spots the were definitely NOT pepper....


I was like: DUDE you just ate cookies with mice PEE ALL OVER THEM!!!!!!


Ridge Runner and I were laughing so hard that our sides were hurting.


And Brush Ape was not so interested in breakfast anymore.


~


You've got those kind of family legends too, right? Just link up below and we'll be around to laugh or commiserate with you!

18 comments:

Allenspark Lodge said...

Ummm...

GunDiva said...

Yay! I was the first link-up. The time difference really works in my favor :)

Mr. Daddy, aren't you glad you weren't the one who found the cookies? Because you *know* you would have eaten them, too.

Emmy said...

Okay that is just hilarious! That will teach him not to share. :)

HeatherOz said...

I just threw-up a little in my mouth!
I assume there was no hanta virus involved!
Blick!!

Shell said...

Ew, ew, ew!!!!!!

Kmama said...

Oh, eeew!! Did he "toss his cookies"? LOL

Foursons said...

No one tells a story quite like you do Mr. D. I'm so glad you were able to let the poor soul know he had just consumed mouse waste. I'm sure you reveled in the new found information seeing as how he wouldn't share.

Kelly said...

not that was gross....serves him right for not sharing!


Tell Rach I figured out what happened..it was user error on my part! I have it fixed now!

Y'all have a good day!

Aunt Crazy said...

eeeeewwwwwwwww

Uncle Bubba says his backbone is rubbing a blister on his belly button...LOL

Stacy said...

OH Lordy! I almost threw up in my mouth on that one LOL!!

On the Wapiti topic, not two minutes ago I was viewing my boss' pictures of the 6x6 he got last week in Western Montana. He was told that the meat didn't taste that good and he donated it. Pfffft. I told him he needed to eat it next time and judge for himself.

natalee said...

i love the whole cliffe and cheers thing..this explain why my husband uses big words after a few beers...lol..and ewwwwww mice pee....

Tiffany said...

Seriously, we HAVE to go hunting together one year! Can you imagine the stories we would have? Remind me not to eat any of your cookies.

Beth Zimmerman said...

GrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrROSS!!!!!!!

Tara said...

NASTY! Serves him right!

Mom of M&Ms said...

ROFL.. What is even funnier is that you told the story....Brush Ape will wanna get ya back sometime.. I am just saying

brian said...

Did he make sure to get all the "chocolate chips" at the bottom of the bag? Mmmmmm....

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

I. Cannot. Stop. Laughing.

Mrs. NB

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