Monday, October 25, 2010

True Story Tuesday - Ask First... Always

 
Y’all know what this means.  Time to saddle up for this week’s True Story Tuesday!

What qualifies?  You’ve probably already posted one!  It’s an amazing/hilarious/miraculous/outrageous and (mostly) true story that has happened to you!  Find that last family legend you posted about, add the True Story Tuesday link into it (copy and paste the code below the button on the right sidebar into your post), then come back and add your post to the link beneath this week’s tale below!

(Please click on your actual post title, then copy and paste the “permalink” that will get us to your actual post – that’ll keep us from getting lost! :)

This week brought to you by a mother who dearly loves her child, but believes some payback may be in order…

 

Always Ask First… ALWAYS

I need to preface this with a note to all persons who do not yet have children:

They start like this:

Fairiesandfrogs2

And all is really and truly wonderful.

If you still want to have kids, I offer fair warning that this may be rather traumatizing…

 

Still here?  You must be one of these kind:

kids magnet

On with Mommy’s tale of woe:

So I was minding my own business, helping Mr. Daddy reorganize his Hunting pictures file.

Cuz Lord Knows you need to keep all of your bloody pictures in one clearly labeled folder to prevent family members from unintentionally stumbling across one of a headless carcass hanging from someone’s garage crossbeams with a couple of unshaven dudes in camo holding a heart and liver apiece.

AHEM

You can’t erase that mental image dude… you just can’t.

~

Upon realizing that it was approaching the much maligned hour of BEDTIME, I casually threw out a “go get your pajama bottoms on honey” to the cute little kiddo that was racing past.

Well, that little racer went into a skid and his feet went out from under him as soon as his socks hit the wood floor of the dining room.

He screwed his face up in a dramatic OWIE expression and attempted a few (pathetic) fake whines.

“You okay honey?  You’re okay.  Go grab your jammies, alright?”

Itty Bit disappeared into the bedroom.  After a few seconds, this is what I was expecting to see:

(the pic is from a couple years ago, but I LOVED those pj’s and that’s the floor he slipped on)

retiringpjs

I went back to moving the pictures into the clearly labeled Blood and Guts file as Itty Bit suddenly came around the corner and held his finger in my face.

He whined and whined and fake cried some more.

I was rather distracted and leaned forward, grabbed his injured finger and kissed, kissed, kissed it.

 

He whined some more.

“What honey?”

“Mommy Mommy …unintelligible…”

“What?”

“NO MOMMY!”

“WHAT?”

“Mommy, I said, SMELL IT!”

 

Friends, I cannot even begin to explain the sudden horror at understanding his words.

It was like a verbal stun gun.  Maybe more like a nasal stun gun?

I looked at him in shocked silence.

 

And haltingly, the words returned.

With wide eyes, and utmost control:

“Honey?        Where      was      your      hand?”

 

Anyone else remember that he has ALWAYS been able to make this face?

mischevious

Heaven help me.

That boy grinned that terribly mischievous little grin

and slowly stuck his hand down the back of his Lightning McQueen underwear.

 

OH YES HE DID!

 

Mr. Daddy howled with laughter.

Howled in a very unsupportive and unsympathetic way.

Howled and howled and nearly fell off his chair.

 

As I wiped my lips on his shirt over and over again…

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Smell my finger!”

 

“YOU GET AWAY FROM ME BUDDY!”

Why yes, I did brush my teeth 14 times that night – and Mr. Daddy still won’t kiss me.

 

~

 

Your kids give you any payback-worthy stories?  Or perhaps your parents have some blackmail items on you?  Link ‘em up below and we’ll be around for some comment love!

29 comments:

Shana said...

AHHHHHHHHH!! Oh my gosh! I seriously leaked a little. Ok maybe too much info but I can not help it. OMG Rachel i am so sorry I am still laughing. Oh for real. Lord have mercy I need a break. What is it with boys and body excretions and smells and dirt and funk?? Seriously don't we Moms have enough to deal with that we have to have poop fingers in our face lol. Wow, that is one for the books for sure. Heck i can barely figure out what i am trying to type. I do want to know how it is possible that we can already say that was a couple of years ago?

Teresa Dawn said...

Oh poor you!!!

But I still want kids haha!

Tiffany said...

OH. MY. LORD.

I seriously sound like Darth Vader over here. I cannot breathe, I am wheezing louder than a 90 year old smoker, and I think I peed a little. But I CANNOT stop laughing at this. And I can only say one thing.

SAINT POOPICUS!!!!!!

Shana said...

So awesome Tiffany!!!!

Shana said...

It could be Montezuma's revenge for calling you Saint Poopicus too lol

Rachel said...

I am totally CRACKING up, you guys! You are the best! I think Tiff will end up loaning out the Saint Poopicus title for this week, no?

Tiff, get yourself an inhaler quick! And Shana - I KNOW!!! What is it about BOYS!?!?! hee hee!

I never thought I'd say, "Don't give me the buttfinger" in my house...

Shana said...

Yeah, you definitely get the title this week!!

Allenspark Lodge said...

Oh Rachel... The Lord in his wisdom made them cute only to keep us.from.killing.them.
TOO FUNNY! And you need to understand, it will ALWAYS be funnier to the rest of us, than to you!
Bill

Mom of M&Ms said...

could you please put a little disclaimer at the top of future post that say a Depends may required??? I mean it would be a a public service.. seriously?

Foursons said...

Oh dear, how did I see that coming? Maybe because I have 5 of those XY chromosome beings in my house? Poor, poor Rachel. So glad Mr. Daddy got his daily dose of laugh therapy in at your expense. Ahem. Shame on you Mr. Daddy! :D

Kmama said...

Oh, that is classic. That is so freaking funny. I mean, I'm really sorry for all you went through, but thanks for sharing the story so I could have a good laugh!!

Brandi said...

Ah, you can't shock me, Rach. I have 3 of those nasty boogers... been there, fell for that, smelled a poopy finger. BLAH! Thank goodness we learn from our mistakes. NEVER. AGAIN. bahahahaha! ;)

Kmama said...

By the way, my updated posts aren't coming through for everyone. So, if you aren't getting them, the feed is http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheDailyDribbles and you'll have to update that in your reader and/or blogger dashboard. You can also subscribe via email in a widget on my blog.

Aunt Crazy said...

He could have said PULL MY FINGER...bwahahahahaha

Emily said...

What is it with those boys! Even Charlie is already sticking his heads down his britches!

Buckeroomama said...

...and he's how old now? I can just picture the years ahead. Between Mr. Daddy and Itty Bit? You better be on your toes, girl! Just saying. ;p

Fire Wife Katie said...

Lol!! Oh man... being a mom is risky!! :D

deepintheheartoftexas2 said...

Oh no!!! I have one of those stories too except mine is from this morning.

Why do kids feel the need to do that? Super gross.

Julie said...

It's liked you ripped a page out of the story of my life with 3 boys..and one manboy!!

kc said...

I would like to thank the Good Lord for being wise enough to bless me enough not to give me a boy who would do that...drive me insane yes, but buttfinger not so much.

ery Funny Itty Bitty :)

GunDiva said...

Oh, Rach, I so needed that tonight!

I have a TST, but with everything going on, I forgot today was Tuesday. I'll have to save it for next week. In fact, I think Mrs Mom might have one about me and her hair.

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

Ha! Girl, you are in trouble with that one!!! I am cracking up... and so glad it wasn't me!!

Mrs. NB

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

Ewwww! That is just nasty! Kids are so cute...but can be so gross!

Kitchen Belleicious said...

Okay that was the best post ever- starting with etsy and ending with the little man! Love it! I am seriously about to go check out and order those cute christmas tags. I always make goodies for our friends and it would be extra fun to have a tag on them. Wonder if they have other designs? Thanks girl!

HeatherOz said...

It is not nice to make me cry like that! I put mascara on today! OH my gosh that is funny!

Dyann said...

You had me from "headless carcass...holding a heart and liver a piece."

My eyes are burning from my mascara, which was safely on my eyelashes just minutes ago. No longer. Now it's on my fingers, my jeans where I wiped them, and in my eyes.

Oh, land. There are not words to explain how funny this post is.

And I have to side with Mr. Daddy on this one. I'd have fallen down laughing & not come up for air for a while. Oh, hold on--I already did.

semicrunchymama said...

Can. Not. Breathe! I am laughing and wheezing and gagging and howling here...this is, hands down, the absolute funniest True Story Tuesday post I have ever read!

quilly said...

ROTFLOL -- I am so glad I read this story rather than living it. Boys will be boys and their mothers should be sainted!

brian said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk

cough cough cough

pppptttthhhh

eewww