Monday, October 18, 2010

True Story Tuesday - Shopping With Preschoolers

True Story Tuesday is upon us!  I’m betting you guys have lots of tales that qualify – you’ve probably already even blogged about them!  We love reading about those amazing/hilarious/miraculous/outrageous, and (mostly) true things that have happened to you!

 

Super easy to play – just copy and paste the True Story Tuesday button into your post (the code is underneath the button on the right sidebar), then come back and link your story up below for some comment love!

This  week brought to you by a proud Mommy Moment.

~

 

SHOPPING WITH TODDLERS

alternatively titled:  WHEN WILL I LEARN?  FOLLY #812

 

Apparently I’m a tough scholar.  Either that, or I’m an easy sell.  The siren call of a 30% off everything sale was too much to resist.

See, I don’t shop for clothes all that much.  And I literally wore out the elbows of my go-to sweater after fourteen a couple years of use (I discovered my cold elbows during a formal Division Meeting two weeks ago, ask me how fun that was).

Anyhoo… Daddy was out after one of these:

(gore warning)

MrDaddyDeer

and I decided to go on the hunt for one of these:

cardigan

So I packed up Itty Bit with promises of a stop at the toy store on the way home.  Proud parenting moment when I couldn’t even pretend it wasn’t bribery.

Fifty OnceUponAMiracle points to those bloggy friends who are already wincing in remembrance of the utter chaos that it shopping with Itty Bit.  I mean, it usually ends up as a TST, so why haven’t I learned?

The first experience at Michael’s – with the exploding craft paint.

The second tale with the mannequin victims.

The third story with the Target’s Dollar Aisle casualty.

The fourth bit of loveliness with Target’s noise ordinance.

The fifth insanity with yet another *ahem* broken Target item.

And the most recent Target experience with the foul-mouthed shopper

 

There will be a pop quiz at the end of this post... (if you have any time, read the fist link – it qualifies as a Top Ten Mommy Freak-Out – guaranteed to make you feel excellent about your parenting skills)

Anyhoo, I suffer temporary amnesia and haul Itty Bit into the store.

I’ve learned to speed shop… hunt by color and “roll coverage”, grab two sizes (seriously, does anyone else boomerang between sizes all week?), stack ‘em up over my arm, and check every .27 seconds to ensure Itty Bit is within eyeshot.

Cuz LORD KNOWS what will happen if he ducks into a clothing rack and I start screaming his name while other shoppers look confused as he answers his deaf momma twenty times as I race through the store ducking to search for his feet inside displays.  Not that it ever happens or anything, *ahem*.

Oh dang.  I already outed myself and blogged about it.  Okay fine, so maybe it happened ONCE, in my defense, it was a huge sleeping bag hanging display.  UGH.

 

My first inkling that Itty Bit was getting close to done with the bonding time, was when I handed half of the huge “try on” stack to the employee and reminded Itty Bit, “stay close to Momma, honey”.

And with that look in his eye that spelled nothing but trouble… (what?  You haven’t seen it??)

IMG_7048

Yeah… the little dude says in his OUTSIDE VOICE:

“YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY!”

 

I gasp as every head in the store turns toward the child who has apparently been abducted.

 

And in these last four years, I have never been more grateful to have a kid who looks so much like me.

“Yes, I am your Mommy honey… That’s not even funny”.

 

He giggles and dutifully follows me to the dressing room.

I effusively thank the employee who lugged the clothes in there, and tell her that he is the reason I only shop twice a year.

She cracks up and says, “No problem.  I’ll put you guys in the bigger room.”

I am shucking the sweaters from their hangers and pulling them on as quickly as I can.  Praying the entire time that my “does not know how to whisper” little boy does not say anything about any part of my anatomy.

I get exactly ONE sweater on, when Itty Bit says loudly:

“Mommy, I hafta go pee pee and poo poo”

 

Is it bad that my first thought was “Oh, so NOW I’m your Mommy?”

and my second thought was, “Can you hold it?”

“Mommy?  I hafta go pee pee and poooo poooo baaaad”

(Love the emphasis on that particular bodily function).

At that point I knew half the store was thinking I was some mean kidnapping person who wouldn’t give the innocent abducted victim a potty break.  I also knew that the store didn’t have a restroom and we’d have to walk outside, through the courtyard, and down a brick path to the facilities.

I am not too proud to admit that I tried on three sweaters with lightning speed.  I wasn’t sure I’d have the courage to return to the store after that.

The breaking point quickly approached:

“Mommy?  I’m gonna go POO POO in my pants”

 

Oh Lordy.  I grabbed my purse, tucked Itty Bit sideways under my arm and hauled to the store exit.  I didn’t even have to explain to anyone… surprise surprise?

We race to the potty, make it in time  (hallelujah!) and Itty Bit asks to go to the toy store.

You know what?  If he’s getting a toy, then by golly I’ve earned one too.  That’s all the confidence I need to set foot back in the store.

We head back to the dressing rooms, where the same chick grins and beats me to it, “…twice a year…*giggle*”

I try on seventeen pieces of clothing in nineteen seconds, which is a record when you’re alternately dragging your peeping 4-year old back out from under the shared stall walls, and closing the door as he lets the entire store see you mid-change.

And did I even buy the sweater?

 

Don’t ask.

Just don’t ask.

 

~

Any soon-to-be family legends happen to you?  Just click on your post title, then copy and paste the WWW address below to link up.  Thanks for playing!

~

26 comments:

GunDiva said...

Oh Wow. I don't miss days like that. Imagine that times three, but you have to add in all of the fighting and "Mommy, Digger touched me!" and "Mommy, Ashinator looked at me!" and "Mommy, Moster's being bad!"

Oh yeah, shopping's a *joy* with children.

More than once, I'm sure the entire store heard me threaten to blister their butts in front of God and everyone.

Dan said...

I have to admit that life has been much calmer since the son left the teens behind. Funny, I don't miss all that excitement a bit. {*grin*}

City girl turned Country Girl said...

OHHHH HAHAHA LOL!!! I LOVE your TST's!!!

I sent you an email! You gotta watch the video! You will LOVE it!

Mrs Mom said...

I SO feel your pain Rachel. With a four year old AND a five year old in tow, shopping is Pure. Hell. Which is why I am currently in ratty sweat pants, a t-shirt that is getting kinda thin, and dreading the thought of going to the store to get one more pair of jeans (cause the others wore plumb out) to go to CO with.

Wish me luck and send happy pills ;)

Heather said...

What is it with pre-schoolers and their poop timing?
I saw when your hubs returns you desrerve a shopping day.

Kmama said...

Hahaha. He is such a stinker. A cute stinker, but a stinker.

Heather said...

This is seriously hilarious! You could probably write a book entitle The Adventures of Shopping with Itty Bit!

Foursons said...

Oh Rachel, no one can paint a picture with words quite like you. And nothing makes me more thankful for weekdays off from work when the stores are less crowded and my children are in school.

Kelly said...

LOVE IT!!! I have to agree that shopping with a child is definately difficult! I try to never shop for clothes with Cam simply because the "I'm bored" "How much longer" "Can we leave now" sometimes seems to be mroe than I can take!

Stacy said...

Oh my word! This is why I am glad there is a mall close enough for me to go on my lunch break. I doubt my kids would be much better. Actually I think Anya would probably enjoy shopping...Kai notsomuch. ;)

I can't remember...did I ever tell you guys about the time Kai gave himself a bloody lip in the store when we were shopping? Yeah, he had a *little* temper tantrum and we headed out before CPS was called.

Oh and there is this great invention called ONLINE SHOPPING. Best invention EVER. :)

Aunt Crazy said...

I'm so glad my kids are no longer toddlers, just sayin!!!

Kari said...

I love these kinds of stories because I laugh the entire time. I have had my fair share of these. I love the Your Not My Mommy comment. Hehe! I need to go read the other stories. I don't know why I get such a kick out of them. Us moms have to stick together you know!

One time in Wal Mart in Missouri none the less, Bella was 14 months old and having a cow (not uncommon) and she was running away from us screaming her head off. So, hubby runs up behind her, picks her up and starts running with her - body parts flying all over with a blood curdling scream. As I watched and looked at a couple whose mouth dropped open, it actually looked like hubby was kidnapping her, so I ran after him and told him to stop running with her like he was making a fast get away. I was sure we were going to get arrested. How do you prove that a 14 month old is yours???? She doesn't carry ID!

Well, enough babbling from me! Enjoyed your stories!

deepintheheartoftexas2 said...

I feel your pain shopping with a 2 year old isn't much better. He is adorable cute though!!

Susan said...

Laughed the whole time with recognition. Mine always had to go potty just when a movie at the theater got interesting. I started making them watch all movies at home. There, I could "pause" the movie and eventually they could take themselves to the bathroom.

I was sorry for you until I scrolled back up and took a second look at that charmer of yours, and I knew you'd survive just because he's so stinkin' adorable that you'd forgive him for any embarrassment he caused. I know you realize that waiting for Mr. Daddy to watch him would have been a prudent choice, but I also know you will keep testing Itty Bit's ability to learn to shop with you—we all do those tests, hoping they'll surprise us at an early age. Boys are just a little harder. Those young 'uns all come around at some point—especially if a trip to the toy store hangs in the balance as a reward. Personally, I'd like to take lessons from you on how to try on that many things in that short amount of time! I don't even like to shop with me because it takes too long. With lessons from you, my wardrobe might take a quicker boost. You rock!

Emily said...

Ok, I have to know. Did you buy the sweater! Any sweater?!
There's a reason why I shop at Ann Taylor Loft all the time...their wonderful basket of kids books right in the dressing room!
And I think Itty Bit got his sense of humor from Mr Daddy!

Amy said...

See, you make me glad that Lula Mae has no idea she could walk in a store. She has yet to "walk" in a store! I plan on making her sit in the stroller until she is in her teens.... ok perhaps 7..... 6?

You are a mess! There were so many hysterical parts of this post that I just can't pick one to love the most. You better have bought SOMETHING! You so deserved it! Go back (alone) and buy like 5! Just go nuts!

You always crack me up!

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

Haha!!! My daughter has a knack for having to use the bathroom after we've made it to the opposite end of the store! I can totally relate. The "you're not my mommy" bit had me laughing!!!

Brandi said...

Girl, I am telling ya Bubba and Itty are two peas in a pod! I have a shopping story that vividly comes to mind... maybe next TST. ;)

And I ALWAYS bribe mine with a trip to the toy store. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Killlashandra said...

Actually the crowning glory of your post is actually the need for the bathroom for me. W.W. has the same habit. You will be no where near any facility when he starts announcing loudly he has to go NOW. We've been in the middle of walmart, albertsons, and really those are the only places I shop.

Girl, I haven't even seen the inside of a Target in probably 4 months. LOL Although I have learned if the teenager is home I leave WW with her while I go to the store. I certainly can't take them both. Last time that happened I came home with 4 disgusting lunchables which both she and WW chowed down to my utter digestive horror.

Ok that was longer than I thought, oh well.

K- floortime lite mama said...

OMG
you have done it again
this is HYSTERICALLY funny
I love your stories

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

I swear they wait until the worst, most inopportune moment...they all do!!

rachel... said...

I make the mistake of occasionally shopping with all 5 of my children. Every.single.time I tell myself NEVER AGAIN. Yet, I keep doing it. Why do we do that? Why is it so hard to learn???

Super funny post! For us, of course, because, you know, we didn't live it.

Sandra said...

You're not my mommy?...that's brilliant!
OMG, shopping with kids is not something to be experienced for people with heart problems.

Shana said...

I ahd to go and read all of those posts. Hilarious. Heck, I don't even try on clothes. I just buy some and hope they fit and if they don't then I make another run to the store to return and try again. I sure don't want to be in a dressing room with Blaze. I am sure everyone and their brother would see a very scary sight.

Dyann said...

You're not my mommy is brilliantly sneaky. What a stinker.

And I can relate to your shopping escapades. I only run certain errands during preschool with ONLY Cora. 4 children in the store is a sign of utter desperation.

Buckeroomama said...

I really don't understand what it is about kids and wanting to go potty whenever we're out! It's like they have to sample ALL the different washrooms there are in each and every place we go to... and most of the time it happens "just" as we all sit down to eat!

Off to check the other links... I love your sense of humor over these little episodes! =)