"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."
It seems as if sometimes my tongue gets all tangled up with my eyeteeth and I can't for the life of me see a single word that I would like to say.
And it is possible to close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but find it is impossible to close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.
My cousin that is 8 days younger than I, co-conspirator in so many episodes of my life, inseparable in school and play, living only a short walking distance from each other growing up, and living only a few miles apart now, has lost his only daughter to cancer.
Now I suppose that it could be said that he had her for 31 years, that there was time to live life and forge memories, and enjoy the gift of her life..
But I am absolutely positive that his Daddy's heart would shudder and cry out, that it was but a moment in time. Gone as quickly as a shooting star.That there needed to be one more bounce upon his knee, one more hug and kiss, just one more time to look upon her and wish for all the good things in life to be hers....
And although I can close my eyes, and refuse to see, in my heart are all these feelings that I just seem unable to ignore...
The injustice of a life cut too short, of a child left motherless, of loved ones left without the presence of one cherished and loved..
So in this time of grief, and with all these feeling all bundled up inside my heart, I will borrow some words to share.
A poem, by David Harkins
"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
And life does and will go on, albeit I will find some comfort in the thought that another angel has found her wings....
And to know that Jesus has gathered another soul into his comforting arms.
(open your eyes)
And keep her memory alive.
And help to instill those memories in her little daughter.
(and go on)
R.I.P. Crystal. We love you