Letters of Intent: Victoria Edition

Dear Victoria ~

It was wonderful to see you!  It’s been so long… in fact, the last time we met, I was a skinny teenager.  A skinny teenager wearing capris.

And apparently you’re a wee bit snobbish and decided that capris weren’t nice enough for your little party.

I got booted from your party room and relocated to the lobby.  Kind of Mean Girls-ish, no?

 

So I dutifully put on a skirt at our most recent get-together, and then you go and tell me that you’ve relaxed your standards and even JEANS are allowed, as long as they aren’t frayed.  Whaaaa???

 

Yes Maam, there’s a skirt under that table.  On a hate-to-wear-skirts chick.  You’re welcome.

To add insult to injury?  The far left shows a baby in a baby carrier!  And even further to the left, you rolled out a PLASTIC HIGH CHAIR for a nap-deprived toddler.

Oh my how you’ve changed Victoria!

 

But you are still up to your old tricks.

You insist that this is High Tea…

 

Then mock the thought of Atkins with sandwiches

scones

and desserts, oh my!

 

As if that weren’t enough… we left your pretty little tea room to find this:

Oh yes, because what I needed after consuming 43,000 calories, was to be surrounded by the dozens of tiny little ice skaters that you had invited over.

 

So I found solace crying into my white chocolate crème brulee…

And lest you believe the sole purpose for my visit to be food, I must advise you that

it is all your fault

I mean, coconut crème pie in a jar… genius!

 

And though I know you keep your place immaculate

 

 

The sign might have been slight overkill…

I mean, no HACKY SACK???

Killjoy.

 

But Victoria… what was truly disturbing upon my visit, were a couple of characters that were creeping everyone else out.  I mean, the insistent forced laughter and exaggerated expressions…

 

Even her boyfriend was being loud and obnoxious, flailing his arms about.

I mean, the guy looked like he was in a dentist’s chair with that crazy keep-your-mouth open contraption…

(FYI – Itty Bit just looked at my computer screen and freaked.the.heck.out about those folk)

 

Despite all, Victoria, you really delivered.

You remain as enchanting as ever, and we hope to return to see you again soon.

 

Love,

The Girl Who Weighs Eleventy Pounds More

~

 

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