Sunday, January 23, 2011

me instead

Thank you sweet friends.

For letting me kind of admit defeat yesterday.

And for not rubbing it in that I’d dragged you into my pity party and didn’t even offer appetizers while I whined.

 

You rock.  You really do.

 

And I am humbled by so many of you who endure your own challenges - without throwing up on your poor readers like I did.

I have to admit…

I am grateful, so grateful, that it is me instead.

 

I didn’t understand - until I became a mother myself, just how much soul-searching you do when there is something wrong with your child.  Something you cannot fix.

I got a knock-you-flat dose of it when we received Itty Bit’s kidney diagnosis; but when he survived and seemed so normal from the outside… I forget sometimes.

My disability changed my entire family’s lives.

You know what still brings me to tears?

Remember when the Organ Donor preference was a handwritten option on the back of a drivers license?

I can still see my mother’s print:

 

My ears to my daughter.

 

(I love you Mom.  And I’m going to sing harmony with you someday).

 

Again, I am so glad it is me instead.  I grin each time Itty Bit suddenly yells,

“I hear a train!”

“I hear Daddy’s truck!”

“I hear a police car!  Somebody’s in TROUBLE!”

 

It’s a GOOD thing.  A beautiful thing to delight in his abilities and be thankful that God has a plan for his life.

 

Me instead – and I’m glad.

 

(This will make your day…)

18 comments:

Mrs Mom said...

Yeah well... yer pretty darn amazing yourself there Rach- all of you are ;)

Can't wait to meet you guys!!!! August sure seems a long ways away, dangit. But it will give me time to learn to sign so we can CHATTER!!! hehehe

Mom of M&Ms said...

I have seen that video before, and I love watching that face,, even never hearing His mother's voice and he knows where the sound comes from. Just like we know God's voice, even though we have never "heard it". WE KNOW!
You are such a light in the darkness.. and as far as singing harmony with your Mama.. umm my family wishes they could say I was deaf to explain my lack of singing ability...LOL
Andd even if I LOVE appetizers... IF you have a blog and can not espress yourself.. in ALL things, what is the point of having a blog???

Brandi said...

Wait... were we supposed to get appetizers??? ;)

I didn't feel thrown up on at all, Rach. I thought it was a beautiful, albeit sniffle-inducing, from-the-heart post.

Okay, but don't make me sniffle twice in one day, girl... 'my ears to my daughter'? *sniff*

That video is awesome. :)

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

(((HUGS))) We all have our struggles in motherhood (in life in general), and we all succumb to the self pity that comes along with these struggles...but what is a friend (bloggy or otherwise) if not someone who can listen to the pity party and hold our hands....

Lots of love to you!!

Shana said...

THIS:

I can still see my mother’s print:



My ears to my daughter.



(I love you Mom. And I’m going to sing harmony with you someday).

GOT ME! That video was the one I was talking about yesterday and it gets me every stinkin' time. Precious beyond belief. As are you my friend.
What kind of appetizers are we talking about anyway?

Kmama said...

That video is so precious!

You can vent to us anytime. ANYTIME.

BK said...

That's what blogs are for! Hang in there girl, feel free to vent to us anytime. And that video was so sweet! I love the way the pacifier just fell out, too sweet.

Aunt Crazy said...

Life isn't always sweet tea and lemonade with roses and smiles on the side. This blog belongs to you and Mr. Daddy and Itty Bit. That means you can post any thing you want and we can read it or not. We read everything because we love each of you. We love the words you share, both happy, sad, funny, exhausting, trying, loving...we read each and every word because we all get something from every.single.word!!!

Fire Wife Katie said...

Sending you a great big cyber hug!!

robin said...

That's so sweet that Itty Bit will yell out what he hears! He's such a great little guy! I love the story about your mom's preference. You and your whole family are so cool!

kc said...

Girl who are you talking to?? I throw up on my readers ALL.THE.TIME. Of course I offered up a dance floor once... :)

Those of us who have been reading this here blog, have come to care and we don't mind the verbal vomit. You don't have to be funny all the time...that's what the archives are for ;)

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

You just made me cry...not once, but twice. Feel free to vent away...that's what friends are for!

Michelle Pixie said...

I saw that video a few months ago and it brought me to tears then and today I am a puddle of tears again.

There isn't anything I wouldn't do if I could take Monkey's challenges for her. It is amazing how much these little lives can put ours into perspective! That being said I hope you never hold back when you are going through those moments. Your honesty is just one of the reasons I adore you!

Presley family said...

how did you know that I needed to see this today? Thank you my friend. :)

Together We Save said...

Wonderful video!!

Foursons said...

That video totally makes me smile. Pure joy is shown, and I don't think there is anything better than that.

Do not apologize for your heart hurting. I'm glad you got the encouragement you needed. We all need others to lift us up at times.

Heather said...

Oh. That DID make my day. Thank you.

Buckeroomama said...

You got me teary-eyed with this... both with what your mom had written and that video. (Gah, the tears are threatening to spill again as I write this!)