Monday, January 17, 2011

True Story Tuesday - Risque Business

Howdy y’all!  Already time for another round of storytelling here at True Story Tuesday!

It’s a chance to rat our your spouse’s latest wayward spitwad adventure (thanks Mr. Daddy), your newest family legend, or the most amazing/hilarious/miraculous/outrageous and (mostly) true thing that has happened to you!

Just write your post, paste the True Story Tuesday code in it (found underneath the True Story Tuesday button on the right sidebar), the come back to link up below for some comment love!  We can’t wait to read your stories!


This week brought to you by the belated traveler, Ms. Nerfed Rachel…




Remember that trip to Victoria that kinda sorta didn’t happen?  Well, it kinda sorta happened this weekend and there’s a whole post waiting about the craziness of what it’s like to travel with a True Story Tuesday repeat victim.

But I’ll share just one today.  One that can be blamed directly on this lovely woman:


Yes, my grandmother.  The one who loves High Tea.  The one who is the consummate classy lady in  any formal event.  The one who loves any reason to dress up and partake of traditions from a gentler time.

Yeah, that one.

After consuming tiny little sandwiches and scones and umpteen cups of Earl Grey tea and spending the night at the famed Empress Hotel… we were game for a  bit of adventure in Chinatown.


(This photo was me smiling with relief after escaping a store where the owner followed us around suggesting thousands of products that we might wish to overspend on.  No, I don’t really have elf feet :)


We happened upon a locally famous alley.  And when I say alley…



The wind was blowing steadily, it began to rain harder.  And this my friends, is where the pictures of our adventure must end.

You see, my grandmother sought shelter in the first store door available.

Which meant that she led us straight into…

wait for it…


an S & M shop.


If I’ve lost you, let’s just say that the shop catered to a certain clientele who like  a certain style.


There was a wall of brightly colored wigs.

Numerous obscene posters on the walls.

Displays of fishnet stockings, high boots, strappy leather, and lots of dark-themed items.

Tiny outfits with instructions for the attached straps.

Stuff that made me want to turn tail and run out of there like the conservative-dressing chick that I am.


We followed my grandmother into the shop, smiling uneasily at the girl with four lip piercings, varied shaved/ponytail combination, and exposed undergarments.

My grandmother took her time browsing through the hats, settling on one with a cartoon theme for my sister.

She brought the hat to the leatherette girl at the back.

As she rang it up, I quietly asked my dear sweet grandmother,

“Do you even know what the cartoons say?”

“No, but I asked the salesgirl if there was anything on there that would offend me and she said there wasn’t.”


I choked.

I totally choked.

I looked at my mother and tried not to guffaw and pee myself all at once.


“Umm grandma?  I think ‘offend’ might be a subjective term here”


And there you have it.  The day my grandmother led me into a d*minatrix store and walked out still having no clue where she’d just been.


And the disclaimer in case that wasn’t funny to you:  I’m not knocking anyone… just finding it wildly funny that three conservative women would up in such an unlikely place.  Laugh with us! :)



Here’s where you link up your own crazy story – please tell me someone else’s family is just as zany!


Shana Putnam said...

Oh good Lordy. The situations you end up in Rachel absolutely crack me up. It must be hereditary then lol.

Mr. Daddy said...

And yes ladies, don't even ask what I got for a present from her weekend away....

She claims they are clips to hold the chip bags closed....

Rachel said...

Oh No Way.

You didn't.


I am totally embarrassed here.

And NO, there is NO TRUTH to what my Nerf-brained husband just wrote.

Oh my LORD.

I am dying of humiliation here...

Discovery School at First Baptist Heath said...

Seriously.. could ya just put a little line right under the title that says something like..."please empty your bladder before reading!" I am sure you may find a more genteel way to word it... seriously!!!!

Kmama said...

Oh that is just priceless!! I absolutely love this story! Sounds like something my mom and I would end up doing. LOL

Allenspark Lodge said...

Wow! Sounds like you need to keep that gal on a leash. (Third isle back, on the left, next to the riding crops) FUNNY!



sara said...

oh my word, that is hilarious!!! It reminds me of the time my, shall we say "prudish" mom showed up at my house with a bottle of wine labeled "menage a trois". I looked at her and said "mom, do you know what that means?" her response was "no, but it has to be good, they serve it at the club!" niiiice! it is pretty good wine though. :)

Kelly said...

Oh wow....that is do you continue to find yourself in those situations????

Anonymous said...

That is a great story. I hope your sister really enjoys the hat!

Kameron said...

OMGosh! I can't believe she didn't realize! lol Glad you made it out without becoming anyone's slave. ha!

Shana Putnam said...

And yes ladies, don't even ask what I got for a present from her weekend away....

She claims they are clips to hold the chip bags closed....

Oh my. Rachel, how could you?? Kidding. Gotta love it though. I got my huge laugh for today!

Unknown said...

BWHAHAHAHAHA That is priceless.. OH OH I needed that giggle

Unknown said...

Ohmygoodness!!!! Seriously?????

So what did you get Mr D?

Unknown said...

And that would be the difference in our grandmas. Mine would have gone in completely aware of where she was at and excited to be there!

kc said...

Rachel, that is totally awesome! Thank you so much for the laugh. Offend is subjective LOL

Emmy said...

Lol! That is hilarious!! Love that she asked the sales clerk that. Lol!

Beth Zimmerman said...

I think I love her! I KNOW I love you! Thanks for the giggles!

AiringMyLaundry said...


I like anyone who enjoys high tea.

Foursons said...

Mr. D just stole my thunder. I was totally going to ask you what you bought him at the store. :D

I can just imagine your Grandma browsing that store and picking the perfect hat to give as a gift. Bwhahahahahaha! That is just hilarious.

Soooo...what DID you buy Mr. D?

tattytiara said...

And you didn't get a picture of her wearing the hat?

Kara @ His, Hers and Ours said...

Bwahaha!! You can't make stuff like that up! And the look on your grandma's face is just classic! Totally paints the picture of your story...of her and her innocence. LOVE it!

And Mr. Daddy...there are no words. And, uh, enjoy those chips.

tattytiara said...

Re your comment, post away - if I can prevent just one person from coming down with the sniffles I will consider my work done!

HeatherOz said...

That is hilarious! If I ever ended up in a place like that with my Mom she would be giving pointers to the sales clerk! Awkward!

Floortime Lite Mama said...

OMG this cannot be true !!!!!
too funny

Michelle said...

Only you, Rachel! That's hilarious!

Buckeroomama said...

Seriously hilarious!

I think you get into SO many of these situations because God knows that you have the humor and the grace to *handle* them! =)

Julie said...

NO WAY!! That is hilarious. I can't believe that she just browsed for awhile and found a cute little hat to buy!! So funny!! A story you can "cherish" forever!! ha ha

Unknown said...

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Amy said...

Best.Day.Ever! I'm sure it is a day you will hold close to your heart ;-)

Jessica Heights said...

LOLOLOLOL, oh my word...that is too funny! Your poor grandmother!!

Dyann said...

So what was on the hat?

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