Monday, March 28, 2011

True Story Tuesday - The Mopher

 

I’m a little sad.

 

My dream of a little craftsman house built between two fields with views out to the creek and treeline behind… fading.

rocking chair porch

 

And my dream of having one of these to keep the horses company? Slipping away…

IMG_8666

 

Even my dream of a summer full of meals from a garden… all dashed.

strawberries

 

With stunning efficiency, one little talented creature has managed to destroy the life I’d envisioned for the next few decades…

Who might this creature be?

 

Why a pocket gopher, of course!

pocket gopher

Didn’t you recognize this toothsome little fella?

I mean, he actually reminds me of the ROUS that brave Wesley fought in The Princess Bride (oh come on, you guys totally saw that coming).

 

And yep, these guys are considered “nuisance rodents” in all other counties.

Except ours.

Of course.

 

Which means that they are actually protected here.

They’re having trouble telling the difference in dirt evidence between these guys and moles.  Leading to my dear Father-in-Law’s whoopsie at the dinner table last night – he had us rolling with “those MOPHERS.  Which is as close as that saintly man would ever get to unsavory language…

Despite that even professional environmental know-it-alls can have trouble identifying a mole-hill and a gopher-hill, if there is even a CHANCE that your property contains or is NEAR property that contains one of these little critters, good luck trying to actually use your property.

Like… to live on.

 

Our small town has only one house per five acres.  Plenty of room for everyone to get along, no?

$7000 fine for trapping one of them at a local historical property.

$500 fine for rototilling a garden.

Permit denied to build a ramp to make a home wheelchair accessible.

Illegal to have a dog that goes outside.

Therefore, shortly illegal to have a horse that goes outside.

(here’s what she thinks of that)

IMG_3250

 

Because all of these actions harass this critter.

 

Harass?

 

HARASS???

 

 

I think Mr. Daddy has this one figured out…

molehunting42206[4]

 

Do you suppose they’ll make it illegal to possess four-year-olds?

IMG_1284[5]

IMG_1286

(before the county comes knocking on our door, the datestamps on those pictures prove that my redneck boys were hunting these nuisances long before anyone realized they existed)

 

But guys… this isn’t even the punchline.

Get this…

The reason they are protected?

 

BECAUSE THEIR WEE-WEE IS TWICE THE SIZE OF AN AVERAGE GOPHER’S.

 

I can’t make this stuff up.

 

~

 

 

Okay, so that wasn’t exactly our usual True Story Tuesday goofiness, but if you’ve got an amazing, hilarious, miraculous, outrageous, and true tale to share, just grab the button code on the right sidebar, paste it into your post, then link up below for some comment love!  We love your stories!  (And gosh could we use some entertainment right about now… we’re about outta ammo Winking smile)

40 comments:

Life With the Crazies said...

Wow. I'd like to know exactly which scientist discovered that AND deemed it neccesary to protect them because of it. I'm guessing he was slightly jealous. {oh snap!}

Kmama said...

What??? They're protected because of that??? Can't you file a petition or something? That seems insane (but a little humorous too!)

Mrs Mom said...

You are a much nicer woman than I Rach. I'd be outta there SO FAST... with a message for the enviro-weenies too that would NOT be PC! ;) MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

Too much time on their hands combined with penis envy is a very bad thing for Rach and Mr Daddy IMO. (Err-- not Rach and Mr Daddy having too much time... the weenies who discovered the weenies on the Mophers were bigger. Yeah. Something like that.)

stephanie said...

Oh my gosh that is too funny!! I cannot believe the reason for protecting them is legit- how bizarre!

Beth Zimmerman said...

THAT is beyond ridiculous! Oh My WORD! And Mrs. Mom made me giggle! :)

Allenspark Lodge said...

So. Size does matter.

Bill

singedwingangel said...

Seriously they are protected cause of their winkie size?? Dear Lord how stupid. I would be letting my dog outside, till up my garden and say how the heck was I supposed to know they weren't moles?

K- floortime lite mama said...

i loved your post
how do you write a post where you are feeling annoyed - and still make me Laugh out loud
I have to agree with you - those animals are rodents

Anonymous said...

LOL...that's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

Hope you guys can figure something out.

Furry Bottoms said...

That is so cute, like how itty bit imitated Daddy with the gun at the hole in the ground!

Those rodents need a good dentist, lemme tell you.

I didnt know a pockey rodent had a bigger weewee than a regular gopher?

lifebythecreek said...

Obviously, a MAN made up that ordinance.

GunDiva said...

Holy cow! I'd still be shooting them and hoping the local coyote population did their job of getting rid of the evidence.

That's almost as bad as our prarie dogs being protected. The Republic of Boulder actually floods their homes with soapy water and then vacuums them out of their holes to relocate them so that they won't be killed with new home construction. Never mind all of the damage they do and that they don't understand that they're supposed to stay in their "protected areas". Grr...

Sometimes I wonder what happened to these pseudo-environmentalists brains.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

You did make that up. You had to have. Had too.

This Lil Piglet said...

I find it hard to believe that it's not a made up law...wowzers, that's insane! We can shoot, poison or trap gophers whenever we want. It's a real problem here with the farmers and they ruin everything; I can see I don't have to tell you. You story is hilarious; I don't think I could be so "nice" even if they were neighbors. LOL!

New follower and new to this meme. :)

kc said...

Are you serious??? C'mon, you have to be pulling our legs.... I would love to give a little linky love, but I am straight out of funny at the moment. Way serious in my neck of the woods :) Next week, something funny is bound to happen to me -- its been awhile.

Lady Old Soul said...

I think they must be trying to see how quickly it will get a rise out of home and landowners like yourselves. What a bunch of malarkey!! But the reason for their protection truly slayed me!! I'm still giggling like a madwoman as I write this...never heard of humans having gopher penis envy!!! x'D

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

Wait, wait, wait...what?!? They're protected because they're well endowed? What the...?

Tina said...

I feel like this has GOT to be a joke!! Are you kidding me? It's the craziest thing I've ever heard of. . .this animal is ruining your life! :)

TIFFANY said...

My in-laws had an issue like that here on the ranch when they wanted to drill. There was some sort of "special" beetle and the environmental people had to come out and make sure it wouldn't be disturbed before they would approve the drilling.

Saimi said...

So wait, you're telling me that IS a true story?
Oh my gosh we have a bajillion gopher holes in our pasture. Those critters have a tunneling system that would knock your socks off...They are impossible to rid and you guys can't even have a go at it...Wrong, that's just wrong!

Pam said...

Your stories are great. I have had my fill over mice, squirrels and moles in the past few years. Good Luck

Julie said...

man. sometimes there just aren't words for how dumb things are...but you managed to make it funny anyway. ;)

tattytiara said...

Not allowed to have a doggie? That's like being left out of Christmas or something. Gah!

Sandra said...

Oh dear Lord! I say arm the four year old with a real gun, hold his arm over the whole to help steady his aim, then shoot....I know, kind of unethical, but really? Really? The creature that is being protected is a rat with really bad teeth!!!

Shana said...

OK. Seriously?? That is just stupid. And I don't like that word. Umm, so what are you allowed to do on "your" land? Oh I mean the the big peckered gophers land. Sorry probably a little crass but I am mad about this. I am so sick of goverment telling us what we can and cannot do. How fair to have plenty of land to have your dream and you can't do anything because a gopher has a big weenie?? Insane. How will they know if you kill them anyway. How can they tell people they can't have a dog or plant a garden?? Seriously. What if you needed to plant on to eat? Ok I will stop now.

Emmy said...

That is just 100% wrong!! That seriously makes me mad. Ughg. I don't even know what to say. Just wronG!

Mama4Real said...

You've got to be kidding me. What the heck. Something is seriously wrong with society. It's all about the wang.

HeatherOz said...

You have got to be kidding! Sounds like there needs to be more women in charge of that town?

robin said...

wtf?!?!? wow!! I've never seen a mole or gopher hole...I 'clobber' gophers on Frontierville (facebook game) and that's the most I know about them! That pic of one kinda looks cute, lol! I would be INCREDIBLY annoyed if those kind of behaviors deemed harassing were prohibited though! Ugh!!!!!

trooppetrie said...

Did you mean to post this on April Fools, really seriously, I am going to spend time on google now

Amy said...

You HAVE to be kidding! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! So basically they want humans to tiptoe around and not have dog, or gardens, or a life basically all because of that ugly little creature? Wow.... that is just.... wow....

Stacy said...

That is just insane! Ugh...the environmentalists done gone crazy again. Hope you can figure out a way for them to "disappear" from your property. ;)

Jodi said...

Wow! That is absolutely ridiculous!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. And of all the reasons to protect it...wow. That's all I can say.

NaomiG said...

Um. Shoot, Shovel, and Shut up, is what I believe it's called. Gotta love WA.

Sorry for that, so sorry. I hope you figure out how to work around it.

rachel said...

OH my! Can Mr Daddy come over here, just for a few minutes? ; )

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