Monday, March 21, 2011

True Story Tuesday - My Email All Blowed Up

 

I don’t even know where to start.

It was epic.  Truly epic.

A 2-1/2 hour improv session with some of the funniest people around.

And this week, you know all the players:

Shana, Tiffany, GunDiva, and Mr. Daddy!

 

MY EMAIL ALL BLOWED UP

alternatively titled

FACEBOOK REGRETS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE EXCEEDED YOUR COMMENT LIMIT FOR ACCEPTABLE CONTENT.  CRABS, FARTS, AND SHAVED BUTTOCKS ARE NOT CONSIDERED ACCEPTABLE CONTENT

 

Disclaimer:  I am a lightweight.  While I’ve never done Buzzed Blogging, this could be considered “Fuzzed Facebooking”.  I confess that I took some of Itty Bit’s grape Triaminic in an effort to survive another evening.  Drinking toddler cough syrup may make things seem inordinately funny – what follows is only a fraction of the hilarity.

 

It started out not funny at all.  The neighbors ten acres away were target shooting in their back field… while their horses ran loose around them.

Which freaked out the horses on the property between us and the shooting neighbors.

Which freaked out our horses.

 

Middle neighbor’s horse crashed through our front pasture fence and the normally friendly Joey decided to fight the intruder.

IMG_9040

 

This resulted in an open wound to Joey’s pretty head and a fence post broken CLEAN IN HALF.

Mr. Daddy slung a leadrope around his neck and attempted to keep from getting trampled as the possibly not sober neighbors continued to fire round after round.

It drove me nuts that they could see the scene and didn’t stop shooting.  I may or may not have yelled across the fields, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? STOP SHOOTING!!”

(Shooting on your rural property is fine, but when you freak out livestock across three properties, and see the damage… be a good neighbor and quit for five minutes)

This led to the following Facebook status that unwittingly ushered a convo for the record books:

FB1

 

That is NOT a typo.

Epic clue:

ONE THOUSAND NINETY-SIX COMMENTS

 

GAH!

 

 

Shana was all about safety.  Poor Tiffany was in the hospital with her little girl, but in fine form:

FB2

 

GunDiva joined us for a bit with her trademark wit:

FB3

 

And my Tiffany showed early on, why she is a founding member of the Snort Sisterhood:

FB4

 

Shana blew it open with this comment out of left field.  Triggered the first howls of the evening:

FB5

 

FB6

FB6-1

 

Alerted by my uncontrollable laughter at Shana’s posts, Mr. Daddy decided to join the fun…

FB7

 

Why did I suddenly get worried about what he was going to say?  I knew he was gonna talk about that “incident” with the Walther P-22.  I decided to engage in some damage control.

FB8

 

When Mr. Daddy started snickering at his computer, I should have seen it coming…

FB9

FB10

FB11

 

Really nice of Shana to mention that I’m “mishap prone”, eh? Winking smile

 

And in poetic justice, Mr. Daddy’s computer had trouble keeping up with the flurry of comments that were quickly approaching 300.

FB12

FB13

 

In desperation, I figured Saint Poopicus would share  story to take the heat off me.

FB14

 

So this is probably where the rest of Facebook got confused when a photo of Mr. Daddy suddenly appeared in my status…

mr_d_in_yellow


Remember when he won the Dress Barn card?  That was a hoot and a holler.

(And for the record, I love that secure-in-his-manhood redneck of mine!)

 

We kept wishing for King Julien to join us, but alas she was a-slumbering in her cute new hair.  And then we thought 300 comments was pretty impressive.  Little did we know!

FB15

 

And then, the pee started.  An hour in and the first bladder cracked.

FB16

 

 

Then Shana, the queen of unexpected bombs, dropped this priceless one:

FB17

 

 

Go head, I’ll give you a minute to consider how flipping loud we had to be laughing in the middle of the night.  I could barely type through the hysterical laughter, and it started anew every time someone said that blasted word again…

Deep breath – and the hilarity continued:

FB18

FB19

 

At this point, I realized that my gradeschool friend Liz had no way of seeing Shana’s album.  You know… the one with her baseball size crabs.  And I started cracking up thinking that the two of them were going to become Facebook friends over this…

FB20

 

And then the conversation suddenly turned to outhouse experiences.  Let me assure you that the conversation was far, far out of my control by that point.

FB21

 

Liz just had me grimacing, but then Mr. Daddy dropped the most perfect punch line into it…

FB22

 

And Shana with her husband’s perfect timing…

FB22-1

 

I thought I was gonna get a funny answer to my question – but Shana had me in stitches!

FB23

 

We started watching the comment count in awe.  Several “Holy Cow”s were exchanged - starting an entire new branch of conversation…

FB24

 

After howling at that… I couldn’t quite get past the word CRABS being randomly thrown in.  And Tiffany proved once again why she has a rockin’ church!

FB25

 

I suddenly recalled another phrase that had made me laugh to the point of bladder danger.  Remember the potty mouth post?

FB26

 

I tried the comment out myself – to abject failure.  And then the Triaminic and the sleep-deprivation combined to form that perfect storm known as TMI.

FB27

 

Let’s just say that Tiffany had us cracking up with her education of sports that require shaving… and then suddenly, we found ourselves in a serious conversation about the amazing things God has done in our lives.  It was whiplash to be sure.  But such a sweet way to end our night-long conversation.

 

FB28

 

But of course… it couldn’t stay serious for long.

FB29

FB30

 

And after we poor ladies finally stumbled to bed, I woke up to find these messages.  Which cracked.me.the.heck.up.

I can only imagine how crazy that conversation looked in the morning light!

 

FB31

 

So if I randomly shout out BATMAN, you’ll know why.  And you’ll congratulate yourself for not being my Facebook friend Winking smile

 

(disclaimer: I actually am not a Facebook fan and was considering deleting my account – so glad for a final hurrah if so!)

~

 

Hope you'll join in with your hilarious, amazing, outrageous, and true tale! Copy and paste the TST button code into your post and link up below for some comment love!

55 comments:

Pam Bowers said...

I think this is the funniest post I have read...ever! Now I'm jealous I'm not on your friends list! lol

TIFFANY said...

So, I was really upset that I was awake at 3:30am until I read this post. It was so worth losing some sleep! I almost woke up the whole house I was laughing so loud! That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

singedwingangel said...

See I miss all the good stuff. I nearly spit coffee on my screen reading this.. And tell Shana I had crabs too.. Well my youngest did.. He called them BOB.. umm yeah for Best Ocean Buddy..

Lady Old Soul said...

ROTFLMAO Even my daughter is loving this...completely hilarious!! Best Facebook status EVAH! xD

Allenspark Lodge said...

I clocked out about comment 90 or so, and the next day I couldn't bring myself to review the comments. Facebook only loads up 50 at a time.

Thanks for the synopsis, I think.
Bill

stephanie said...

You are hysterical! I needed a good laugh!!

K- floortime lite mama said...

that was truly EPIC
seriously people throw that word around but that was EPIC

Shana said...

Best Ocean Buddy-- LOL Love it! Awesome kid you have there!

Oh man Rachel I have to get my post written but I cannot do it justice like you did. It was epic and awesome and I am on my last Depends here. Kidding ;) I have a couple more. So I am off to write mine since I was too lazy to do it last night. Love you bunches and thank you so much for one fo the most awesomest convos EVER!!

Stacy said...

That was definitely an epic conversation LOL..wow that is a lot of comments! Sounds like you guys had a great, funny conversation. :) Oh, but the idiots with the guns...Oy! I think Itty Bit was right on with his comment.

GunDiva said...

Oh man, I just didn't have the staying power, but now I wish I did. I dropped out around 90. I couldn't believe it the next morning when it had hit 1060.

So...who now has carpal tunnel?

Anonymous said...

EPIC for sure!

Angie Vik said...

Wow. Good thing you all are easily entertained. How can anyone top that? Surely Facebook should give you an award of some sort. Thanks for sharing the fun.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'm delighted that I am your FB friend and kind of wishing I had been present for that hilarity! Those conversations gone wild are so much fun!

Tomara said...

I SO want to be your Facebook friend now... seriously. :)

Stacyonthecouch said...

Epic is right! The most comments I've ever received is, like, 15. Crazy horse story too ... Effing hilarious.

kc said...

sometimes those FB moments make the crazy moments into hysterical memorably ones. That was funny ;)

TIFFANY said...

Thanks for stopping by and for the heads up about the e-mail. I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm looking into it. That e-mail account shouldn't even be associated with my blog at all. Weird.

Foursons said...

Oh boy does that salt in the open wound really hurt! *sob*

Mama4Real said...

So funny! I want to be your FB friend too!

Buckeroomama said...

So I finally finish! Stopped to pee only once.

Wow, that must be a record of sorts --the # of comments, not my peeing. Just wanted to clarify.

Saimi said...

I think you broke the record for the most commented post on Facebook...That's about as crazy as your shooting neighbors!

Kitchen Belleicious said...

LOL! I think I just hurt something by laughing way to hard and loud! Your hilarious! I can't believe that happened honestly. So random but so funny!

Lisa said...

I wish this had a "LIKE" button! LOL :)

Kristen said...

This had me giggling!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

You are now my hero. I want to be your FB friend and talk crabs too!

Emmy said...

Holy cow I have never ever seen a FB conversation that long. Too funny and yes stupid stupid neighbors.

HeatherOz said...

I was fine until you all started with the crabs! I seriously had to keep it down so I wouldn't wake up the kids!! You guys are hilarious!!

Mrs Mom said...

OMG.. I totally have brass burns scars on the Twins from a 9mm. Nope, I was not dressed in proper range attire that day... lol


FB.. lmao.. oh dear..... I haz no wordz! (But did anyone shave yet? HA~)

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