Monday, March 14, 2011

True Story Tuesday: Potty Mouth Part II


If you haven’t checked out the giveaway, you are seriously missing out!  You don’t have to be a follower, and I tried to make the entries fun.  Get this, it’s the biggest CSN promotion I’ve ever seen – $140 bucks!  And you can get up to seven entries.  Since there’s low entries, you have a 5% chance right now of bringing home those bucks.    Not too shabby for a click, I must say… Head on over and get yourself some entries before tonight!


If you’re new around these parts, let me introduce you to the craziness that is True Story Tuesday!  I guess some people could call it “TMI Tuesday” depending on the tale, but it’s a great place to share those amazing, hilarious, miraculous, outrageous and (mostly) true things that have happened to you!

You know you’re already blogging those stories, so you might as well link them up for some comment love, right? :)

Just grab the button on the right sidebar, copy and paste the code it into your post, then come back to link up for some storytelling time!


This weekend  we were suffering from various ailments… Itty Bit with a cough, me with sore throat, and Mr. Daddy with the MAN FLU.  Which means I was suffering with the MAN FLU too… *cough cough*

Which unfortunately means that our self-imposed “Stay Home In Your Polka Dot Pajamas Quarantine” has left us with only one recent noteworthy tale.

And I’m just gonna apologize right out of the gate.  Lord, I had no idea having a BOY would entail so much juvenile humor.




So it was bad enough when I originally posted about the Potty Humor that our 4-year-old was entertained by, right?  You know, accusing me of practically not having any *ahem* cojones?

Why is it that kids have this sixth sense about performing in front of an audience?  Especially when Mom is a helpless witness to the debacle?

The scene?  Red Robin

Well, more specifically, the table in Red Robin that sits right under this little lovely:

Red Robin Horse


And even more specifically?  Itty Bit was seated directly next to the business end of the horse.


To set the stage, Itty Bit had recently tried to figure out why Mommy doesn’t have to stand up to go potty.  And rather than assume that I immodestly utilize the facilities in front of my observant 4-year old, let’s take a moment of silence for all those Mommies who never get to pee in privacy.  Because it’s a law in every home that anytime a mother attempts to silently close that bathroom door, a tiny voice will shriek in protest and McGyver the door lock with a screwdriver.

(Oh, that’s just my little guy.  Drat)

Anyway… so Itty Bit has been aware that girls don’t have “junk”, for lack of better word.


And as I attempted to settle the little guy in to eat his meal, he just wouldn’t quit harassing the horse.  Yes, my kid was the one who tried to scale the horse and go for a little dinnertime ride.  Don’t tell me yours haven’t too… (oh wait… tell me, tell me!  It’ll make me feel better!)

In desperation, I look my kiddo in the eye and say, “If you don’t quit climbing that horsie, it’s gonna poop on you”.

*Sigh*  Classy, I know.  But it worked!

He stopped in shock and gave me this pitiful look.  You know, this one?




And since we live in Hicksville, he knows that horse poop isn’t anything to joke about.

But then?  He flashed me this look and I knew that he had stumbled upon his revenge.



He looked at me, then up at the horse’s underside, then loudly snickered to the entire restaurant:



In unison, 43 heads immediately swiveled toward our table.

And the chorus of laughter should have been my clue.

But this lipreading mother had encountered user error in trying to compute what her child had just said.  Missing a couple of key words would change the entire sentence.

Oh no I dinn’t.


GAH.  Oh yes I did.


I looked at him with wide eyes and stupidly said, “Honey, what did you just say?”


And wouldn’t you know it?  That little bugger was perfectly happy to repeat himself for me.  At an volume that incredibly exceeded his original announcement.


“Mommy, I saaaaaid….





The laughter increased in proportionate volume as well…


My husband looked at me in astonishment.

WHY would you ask him to say that again?  WHY?”






I think we’re on Red Robin’s special list now…




We know you’ve got stories of your own!  Prove that I’m not the only chick who has momentary lapses in judgement?  Or the only one with a kid who knows how to save the good stuff for public?

Link up below and we’ll be around for some comment love!

(and please don’t forget the awesome giveaway – ends Tuesday night!)




Unknown said...

BWHAHAHAHAHAH I am laughing with you does that help any at all??

Krulls in Haiti said...

I'm dying right now... hilarious!

My little guy has set his sights to climb the giant horse in front of PF Changs... and I have no doubt that someday he will accomplish this, especially since my husband encourages it ;)

Shana Putnam said...

HA!!!! I am dying over here. I love it so much. Oh yeah, don't feel alone I never get in the bathroom alone to do anything. It is insane I tell you. I know they have a 6th sense telling them when Mom is going in there.

HeatherOz said...

Oh Itty Bit! Thanks for making me "Craugh" (cry/laugh)

Sylvia Plathypus said...

LMAO Yikes...why do I see that being a pattern in future? Definitely a great story this week!! Gotta love that Itty Bit! x'D

Discovery School at First Baptist Heath said...

oh my goodness.. I wish that I could say "thank goodness I have girls".. but that would not be right.. cause... well you understand!

Kmama said...

Oh my goodness. This is just classic. I can just imagine Mr. Daddy's incredulous look as you asked him what he said. LOL!!

Mrs. Mom said...

Nope. I have not been able to use the loo by myself in six years. Unless it is the middle of the night, and even THEN there are still helpers in the form of my dog and usually the DAT too. *sigh*

Hang in there Rachel-- they have to grow up sometime!! ;)


Diane said...

Bwa Ha Haa!! Ah, isn't life with boys so much fun? Btw, mine are 11 and 7 and will still barge in the bathroom on me!

Furry Bottoms said...

*giggles* little boys are so much fun!! :)

I have lots of lip-reading error stories myself! And this is priceless!

Furry Bottoms said...

I hope you all are feeling better, by the way...

Beth Zimmerman said...

Well ... I expected a story about the horse's anatomy (or lack thereof) but this was just as good! I LOVE that kid! :)

My link this week isn't funny (sorry) but it's what I felt like I needed to write today. Love you, girlie!

Amy said...

I wish you were my neighbor! Living beside you guys would be so amusing we could cancel our freaking cable!!!! Bwahahahahaha! I know you were totally 10 shades of red, but it really is funny from this end.... although Lula Mae would have been asking us where his long belly button was. Yep, she thinks the "junk" is a big belly button. Plus, if you tell her you are going potty she immediately asks "can I watch you please?".... so I am totally with you on not having an audience while you pee. If you happen to keep her out of the bathroom she stands by the door screaming things like "are you going now? Oh I hear it! Good job! You didn't pee pee in your panties! You are so grown up! You get a sticker! Don't forget to wipe!"... so in or out she is STILL and audience! LOL

Liz {Learning To Juggle} said...

I'm sitting at work laughing so hard I'm crying a little...oh the joys of having boys...(and no I am not allowed to use the potty by myself either so my lack of junk has also been noted and commented on by both my little stinkers)

Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam & Dylan Too said...

That is so funny! Itty Bit cracks me up!

Brandi said...


And, good lawd, ain't it the truth we can't get a second in the potty without an audience!

Foursons said...

First off- quit telling people about the giveaway! I'm winning this one and you're ruining it for me. Aargh.

Secondly- I cracked up imagining Mr. D's reaction to you asking Itty Bit to repeat himself. Bwahahahahahahaha.

Just wait until that potty humor becomes a little more obscene. Oh yes, it gets worse.

Andrea said...

Ohhh man. Aren't boys fun? :D

Allenspark Lodge said...

Mr. D, You may want to invest in a pair of dark sunglasses and a fake beard/mustache for family dinners out.


Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Oh, you make me all happy. You see, your son must never meet my sons. They are too much alike.
and a mom who doesn't have a kid in the bathroom with her at all times!? What does that look like?
awesome story!

kc said...

Wait...before I comment on anything else...the door on the bathroom CLOSES???? SHUT UP!?!?!?!? I totally have to check that out and see how that works.........

That made me laugh!!! I really wasn't expecting a repeat, but can totally imagine the look on Mr Daddy's face and you facepalmin yourself. TOOOOO FUNNY!!!! I am so in love with Itty Bitty.

My child only discusses his personal business in public -- I have gotten him to do it in a stage whisper though. yay, points for mommy.

Kameron said...

I have been asked several times where my pee pee is. I even had an inquisitive boy walk around the backside to make sure I wasn't hiding it. Oh when will I ever get to shower or use the facilities without an audience?? And oh yes, boys and their loud, embarassing observations. I bet you tured 10 shades of red after that!

Michelle Pixie said...

OH MY! I am totally cracking up here only because I feel your pain. Hee Hee! ;-)

Stacy said...

Oh's like he has this sixth sense for knowing just how to up the embarrassment in public LOL! I will count my lucky stars again that my kids think those are "naughty" words to they don't say them. :)

Killlashandra said...

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I feel your pain about that one. You're right mommies never pee in privacy hence the reason when potty training little boys always want to pee sitting down. That's my opinion. ;) Eventually peeing standing up outside is just way cooler so they get over the sitting down thing.

No, I did not make that cake. The woman who's shower I was at she and a friend of hers made it. Pretty impressive though.

And Mr. Daddy, Rach always has ideas. You're just in trouble there. :D

Unknown said...

That. is. awesome. Your kiddo is hilarious. And I find it so entertaining that he knows he is hilarious! Have fun with that one!

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh! that's horribly hilarious! :D

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