Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Tickets

 

I promised.

To tell you more about why Mom’s diagnosis had been such an agonizing event.

Event.

Because that’s what it is.

 

I can look at pictures and think,

that’s before we knew.

 

Without being preoccupied with it, sometimes I wonder if we need to think more about the inevitable end of our life – in order to LIVE more fully.

IMG_3277

It made me want to clear out the clutter in my life – in tangible and intangible ways.

It made me want to fill memory card after memory card with images of the daily moments that make a family.  Silly normal things that we will miss when we are apart.

IMG_2074

 

I am so ready to stop living for

when things get less busy

when I lose that weight

when my house is presentable

 

IMG_9487

You only live once.  I’m grabbing on and squeezing everything I can out of these moments.

 

Do you think it odd that I would find it wildly unfair that a woman would be handed a diagnosis like this at almost 80-years old?

Perhaps knowing her like I do would fill in the spaces.

 

She lives.  Really lives.

She has a goofy streak

IMG_2238

Loves her husband

IMG_9501

 

Is her grandkids’ favorite plaything

IMG_7374

 

The first thing that flashed through my mind when we sat to process the words

STAGE FOUR GLIOBLASTOMA…

…the memories of her last summer climbing onto the back of a neon yellow quad and heading out to chop wood.  Following close behind on our quad with my arms wrapped around my own husband… and remarking, “your parents amaze me…”

IMG_6614

 

I feel robbed.

I feel like everyone knows that they’ll face the end someday…

but that we’ve suddenly been forced into the airplane terminal and handed standby tickets.

boarding pass

 

It’s hard to find the balance between grieving what is being taken away each day, while still refusing to let it steal our appreciation of each day.

Jill Joiner wrote about saying goodbye – in a way that breaks my heart.

Jill Joiner

 

So as we camp out at the last gate, we covet your prayers.

For healing, for physical comfort, for a peace that passes all understanding.

 

But mostly, we’re praying for flight delays.

23 comments:

Miss. Jinny said...

Praying for you today!!! May God's amazing peace overwhelm you and your family this day!!

Beth Zimmerman said...

Loving you and praying with you, Rachel!

Father God,
We just ask right now that You would lean down and wrap Your loving arms around this precious family! Reassure them that You know! That You understand. That You share their tears! And then remind them of Your precious promise ... that this is NOT the end! This is just the beginning of a wondrous journey! And when mom disembarks that plane, in Heaven, she will be home! Healed and whole and pain free! Praising Jesus and ready to reap her rewards! For surely they will be many! And someday, Lord, when the time is right, they will go home too and they WILL be together again! Thank You for Your promises! Thank You for the reassurance of eternal life in Jesus!

Amen

Lady Old Soul said...

Your mother-in-law sounds like the most incredible person on this planet!! I'll keep my prayers tuned to the highest frequency for her, and for you guys as well! Reading this post makes me want to hug her neck and never let go, and I've never even had the pleasure of making her acquaintance. God bless her for being such an amazing presence in the lives of the people she loves. =)

Stacy said...

Yes it does look like she is a woman that really lives life...and loves the ones she lives it with. So sorry to hear that they have given the deadline. That quote above brought tears to my eyes. There is a bit of truth to that, as painful as it is.

Brian's Dad died suddenly at 62, before we were married, but we were engaged at the time. I was with him when he got the call and found out. His Dad never got to meet our kids and he was a great grandpa to the nieces. Life is never fair, it just...is.

Prayers for your family as you go through this very difficult time...and for flight delays.

Foursons said...

Oh my gosh girl, I just clicked over to comment on this post and saw the new header. I am cracking up! Bwhahahahahahahaha.

I love the quote you posted. It really puts things into perspective.

One blessing about knowing that someone is going to pass into eternity soon is the blessing of sucking the marrow out of every last moment with them. I know you are doing just that and I am praying for God's peace and comfort beyond understanding for all of you. It's a hard road to walk and you are walking it like a champ.

Love ya girly. Prayers always.

NaomiG said...

Your mother in law sounds like an amazing woman. May God comfort you right now. You're family is in my prayers.

sara said...

wow...this post brought me to tears. It's exactly how I felt about my Aunt. I'm praying for you..to continue having this perspective...to continue living each day fully with her.....and for peace.

stephanie said...

I loved the pictures in this post- you can tell she is an amazing loved woman. Praying for y'all through this time!

Sandra said...

Beautiful post! I'm not the type to cry, but this post put me very close.
Here's hoping for a flight delay.

Emmy said...

What an inspiring post. She sounds like an awesome lady! I hope I will be riding quads when I am 80. I will keep her in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written and I love the photographs, she certainly lives her life to the full x

Blue Sky

Kelly said...

Oh Rachel, I am praying. This post is so very sweet. Cancer is so very unfair. I pray for many flight delays...and a cure!

K- floortime lite mama said...

OMG
I am sobbing here
Rach - your awesome awesome MIL
and your fabulous love for her
my heart breaking for you
praying hard

Heather said...

Oh Rachel...I just don't have words to comfort. But you and I both know the One who does. Praying you all can cling to him during this time, and for flight delays.

Amy said...

I truly love you sweet Rachel. Your mother in law is so blessed to have you by her side. Enjoy the days you have together, and grieve later dear (easier said than done I know). Hold on to the fact that she will be with JESUS! She will be worshiping Him and waiting to see you again someday. I can still only offer you my prayers, but I will continue to be a prayer warrior for you. Through all of this I promise to do that for you and your sweet family.

Make those memories. Fill those memory cards. Laugh together and enjoy these precious moments. God has everything under control, I promise you that.

Big hugs to you all dear! Wishing I could do so much more for you!

kc said...

hold onto those standby tickets, but when it's time hold onto the knowledge that her joy will be and is Eternal.

love you guys! let me know if you need anything, at anytime!!!

Angie Vik said...

Love the way you're able to express what's on your heart. Love the comment about filling memory cards. That's so profound. She sounds like such a neat person. How blessed you are to have someone like that in your life. Hoping, Lord willing, for flight delays.

Dyann said...

<3

Michelle Pixie said...

Everything has changed for you. This I know for sure. I have lived through cancer many times over but the bumpiest ride being this past year. I am sending love and prayers your way. Treasure every moment. I wish I could get those moments back with my daddy. I have so many things I still want to tell him as the four year mark is creeping up faster than I'd like. XOXOXO

Julie said...

ouch. I'm hurting for you. I wish I had some words of comfort. I will be thinking of you. ((HUGS))

Aunt Crazy said...

Playing catch up...you've written so beautifully the feelings that most of us have but can't express. My father in law is in week 5 of 7 filled with chemo and radiation. It's so scary yet so eye opening as to what is important in our lives.

I love y'all and I'm hoping for a flight cancellation.

Shana said...

Ok you know I tried and tried to comment on this post when Blogger was having a temper tantrum and couldn't get it to go through. But really, what can I say? I agree with everything you said and know from dealing with Chris' Daddy what it is like to wait and see. It is hard but it gives you these opportunities to make more memories and make the times you do have left awesome. I love you guys and pray all the time.

janet said...

Hello Rachel,
Having lost my sister 2 years ago and my best friend in December, that Jill Joiner quote is so very true.
Cyber hugs being sent your way.

Janet xox
http://theemptynest-janet.blogspot.com/