To tell you more about why Mom’s diagnosis had been such an agonizing event.
Because that’s what it is.
I can look at pictures and think,
that’s before we knew.
Without being preoccupied with it, sometimes I wonder if we need to think more about the inevitable end of our life – in order to LIVE more fully.
It made me want to clear out the clutter in my life – in tangible and intangible ways.
It made me want to fill memory card after memory card with images of the daily moments that make a family. Silly normal things that we will miss when we are apart.
I am so ready to stop living for
when things get less busy
when I lose that weight
when my house is presentable
You only live once. I’m grabbing on and squeezing everything I can out of these moments.
Do you think it odd that I would find it wildly unfair that a woman would be handed a diagnosis like this at almost 80-years old?
Perhaps knowing her like I do would fill in the spaces.
She lives. Really lives.
She has a goofy streak
Loves her husband
Is her grandkids’ favorite plaything
The first thing that flashed through my mind when we sat to process the words
STAGE FOUR GLIOBLASTOMA…
…the memories of her last summer climbing onto the back of a neon yellow quad and heading out to chop wood. Following close behind on our quad with my arms wrapped around my own husband… and remarking, “your parents amaze me…”
I feel robbed.
I feel like everyone knows that they’ll face the end someday…
but that we’ve suddenly been forced into the airplane terminal and handed standby tickets.
It’s hard to find the balance between grieving what is being taken away each day, while still refusing to let it steal our appreciation of each day.
Jill Joiner wrote about saying goodbye – in a way that breaks my heart.
So as we camp out at the last gate, we covet your prayers.
For healing, for physical comfort, for a peace that passes all understanding.
But mostly, we’re praying for flight delays.