Y’all know what I’m talking about.
Someone makes a silly comment.
You make a silly comment back.
And the next thing you know… it zooms straight from silly to ohmygosh, this could really happen!
Case in point… I’ve never made a secret of wanting to learn photography from Dana.
Dana Dana Bo-Bana.
My Dana posted about feeling led to donate a photo session to a deserving family.
Knowing full well that this talented chick was kinda referring to eligible locations within less than 35 hours driving distance… I sat down and had a cryfest as I tried to describe my Mother-In-Law.
Part of those pages:
I ended with a silly comment, “pick us, and we’ll fly you out”.
Two weeks later we had tickets!!!
Her outdoorsman son decided to hitch a ride so he and Mr. Daddy could spend some quality time discussing the finer points of killing animals with various weaponry.
And while you might think you wouldn’t want to mess with this guy…
rest assured that he looks far less intimidating while wearing Itty Bit’s cowboy hat. HA!
(But I’m getting ahead of myself!)
So as I’m getting excited about their quick 24 hour jaunt to see us… somebody cues the Jaws theme song and I suddenly realize that this means that PEOPLE will be STAYING at MY HOUSE.
Do you have any clue what this means to an OCD woman living in a fixer-upper that is waiting for someone else to fixer-up because we won’t be staying long?
It’s call the Panic Clean.
You start out with loads of lists and caffeine-fueled energy.
(I’m loving that Skinny editing button!)
Is it just me, or is one leg longer than the other? Nevermind.
Except that you must be aware that you may slightly LOSE YOUR MIND and freak out every 45 seconds that your friend is coming to visit you… and in the process, do incredibly clumsy things.
1. Get in the shower with your glasses on and panic about your loss of vision as they steam up.
2. Forget to shave your legs and somehow be convinced there may be a random reason your ivory legs are revealed in all their hairiness. Get back in the shower after completely drying off, turn on the now-cold water and shave those legs.
3. Get dressed and realize you forgot to put lotion on… completely undress, lotion up, and redress yourself.
4. Forget that you have formal meetings first and throw your jeans on. Stare at husband blankly when he reminds you what day of the week it is. Nearly start to correct him, realize he’s right (quit gloating Dear), and rush back in to REDRESS yourself. (Getting Dressed Count = 3)
5. Run back inside after same husband asks if you were forgetting your coffee?
6. Get in the car and immediately spill coffee all over those nice pants.
7. Get out of your car and FORGET TO TURN IT OFF.
9. Return home after the meetings and start a marathon cleaning session. Here’s where the mortal injuries begin.
10. Nearly asphyxiate on Scrubbin Bubbles as you tackle the shower.
11. Scrub so hard that your poor knuckle splits and the lovely chemicals create a nice burn.
12. Also scrub so hard that you remove the caulking and add another thing to Mr. Daddy’s list.
13. Launder the guest beds. Helpfully suggest to Dana that she might want to warn her buff teen that he will be sleeping in retro cowboy sheets on a really fun toddler bed.
(I wasn’t kidding)
14. While making the bed, scrape your other knuckle between the bed and the wall and end up with bloody owie count #2.
15. Clorox the windows to death to remove the lick marks left by the
16. Tempt fate in all those fumes and randomly decide to light some candles.
17. Collect clutter to put away as you’re lighting candles… make the fatal mistake of laying this puppy on top of the stack of things you are still holding.
18. In slow-motion, see that bad boy slide off the breakable items and onto your bare upper arm.
21. Tell the kid you are okay – between more screams.
22. Decide that mopping is safer.
23. Lose the mop to the kid.
24. Move a large counter stool out of the way for him and suddenly trip/slip/fumble and wind up with a baseball-sized bruise on your leg.
25. Clorox the sinks, counters, floors, furniture, appliances, and generally every body part.
26. Clean the table and notice a spot on the wall.
27. Swipe at it with a Clorox wipe and realize to your horror that it has left a noticeably lighter spot.
28. Swipe at it again and gasp as the cleaner area gets bigger.
29. Try to feather the dirty wall section into the cleaner section.
30. Dirt doesn’t feather.
31. Mentally berate whoever invented fixer-upper wallpaper.
32. Grab another Clorox wipe and clean what you can reach.
33. How did your walls get so dirty?
34. Step on a chair to reach the area around the clock.
35. Dirt still doesn’t feather.
36. Climb on the dining room table to reach higher.
37. Realize that vaulted ceilings sometimes suck.
38. Welcome your husband home and give him THE LOOK when he spots the vaulted ceiling wallpaper section that you couldn’t reach.
39. While standing on the dining room table, realize that the entire popcorn ceiling is gently swaying.
40. Cobwebs. Eww.
41. Attempt to vacuum the entire ceiling of the very large home.
42. While stumbling around holding the vacuum wand up, nearly impale yourself on your husband’s numerous elk racks.
43. Clorox the inside of the light fixtures (OCD much?) and realize that your hands are awfully wrinkly and sting every time you wash them. They will smell like Clorox for days.
44. Look in the mirror and realize that your friend is touching up her awesome PINK highlights, while you still haven’t managed to cover the rampant grey “highlights”.
45. Itch your arm.
46. Realize that you’ve just completely destroyed the burn that was trying to heal.
47. Change Itty Bit’s carseat and realize that the kid has been stowing toys and Goldfish crackers under there.
48. Look in the mirror and realize that your friend is touching up her awesome PINK highlights, while you still haven’t managed to cover the rampant grey “highlights”.
So let’s recap…
And yet… she didn’t judge. She sat down at our kitchen table and we talked until we realized that they’d been awake nearly 24 hours. We hated to see them go… they truly felt like family.
And friends, how breathtaking is this? Mom, as beautiful as we see her everyday.
I’d do it all again. But seriously… who says housework won’t kill you?
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