Monday, May 02, 2011

True Story Tuesday and a Giveaway

Howdy!  Y’all here for some True Story Tuesday?  No worries… I know you’re really just here to see who won the giveaway.  So I’ll bust out the excitement first thing if you promise to stick around for some royally mortifying tale from the early years, mkay?

Thanks for all the entries in the Broward Patch camera strap giveaway – how fun this was!

broward patch giveaway

The winner is Sugar Spice Puppy Tales!  Please shoot me an email at rkbuffy {at} comcast {dot} net within 48 hours and we’ll get you hooked up!

 

~

And now for our feature presentation… the retelling of the original True Story Tuesday that began my weekly tales of shame…

 

“GO LONG!”


By way of explanation, there is a chunk of my teen years that I thought would be far more glamorous. A pageant would be all about evening gowns, bouquets, and waving to my adoring fans at parades, right?

Umm, not quite.

It was a scholarship pageant – giving me funds toward my future college degree. Only it required 1,728,392 hours of public service in various forms. Often I traveled to speak to large groups of schoolchildren who asked questions like:


“Do you have a dog?” (all important)

“Do you know Cinderella?”

“Does your tiara have REAL diamonds?”

And my personal favorite:
“Are you 39 years old yet?”

(how the heck do you even answer that when you’re 18 years old?)


While I loved those times with the kids, the schedule could be overwhelming. I was taking honors courses in high school, working part time, dancing with a ballet company, and active in our church youth group. It was hectic.

And as proof of how grueling it was, I was also suffering the effects of two very ticked off kidneys.  Hence the lovely bluish tan I often sported. 

pageant2

I had a hardworking and sweet chaperone, C-Chick, who was to accompany me to each of these events. We traveled as far from the west coast as Tennessee and probably made over 50 stops in under a year.

Trust me, standing in taffeta and heels for hours is a tad bit overrated. So… the two of us often made our own fun.

Granted, on one such trip we were a bit stir crazy from all the time on the road. At our next stop, C-Chick's very professional brother and his wife picked us up in their new Beemer.

Beemer!?! I’d never been in one! I giggled and sat wide-eyed in the cream leather backseat.
They said they’d just purchased the car from a doctor. It was luxurious and I was afraid to touch anything. Just picture me acting a bit doofy in beautiful surroundings a’la Pretty Woman.

I said to C-Chick, “Wow, this is amazing!”, then felt something against my shoe.
I reached down and nearly recoiled at the gooey stuff, but the “thing” was half wedged under the driver’s seat.

It stretched like a rubberband and felt slightly tacky… I gave a good tug and finally looked at the freed curiosity in my hand.

It looked like some sort of squishy disc. Maybe a dog toy or ??

And glamorous, mature, professional me: I began to giggle and told C-Chick… “GO LONG BABY!” as I tossed the disc to her.

She caught it and started to laugh herself. She pulled it, bounced it, tossed it, and soon we were playing an animated game of badminton in the backseat.

I noticed that C-Chick’s Mr. Successful Brother and his wife were awfully quiet. I could see them exchanging quick looks and he seemed to be watching the mischief intently from his rearview mirror.

We were being awfully raucous in comparison to their silence, which slowly became more uncomfortable.

After several turns of “use it for a Mr. Potato Head facial feature”, a gradual realization of our plaything’s true purpose became apparent. It was too late.

C-Chick bounced it high and wide and it sailed into the front seat. Her brother’s wife quietly tucked it into the glove compartment.

“The doctor must have left it”.

 

How were we to know that we had been amusing ourselves for a full 30 minutes, while the poor woman watched in misery… waiting to reclaim her mastectomy prosthesis?

~

What would you have done? I mean, you probably would never have picked up the thing to begin with, but what if you were busted?
Believe me you… it was a quiet rest of the ride.

~

 

Please join up and share your own true tales (so I’m not alone in my self-tattled shame here :)

Anything amazing, hilarious, miraculous, outrageous, and true is game!  Just copy the button somewhere in your post, come back and link up below for some comment love!

21 comments:

Tina said...

Oh my gosh! I loved that story! That sounds like something that would happen to me! Poor lady..I bet she was so embarrassed. I wonder if she's telling the story now like you are. Surely she thinks it's funny...now.
Thanks for the laugh!

RaD said...

Wow. What do you do? I'd probably sit quietly and wish the ride would end, uh like yesterday.

singedwingangel said...

ROFLMBO.. I am hoping by now she can laugh about it.. My MIL had of them where she had been given a double mastectomy. When Doug was about 3 he found them under her bed cause she never wore them. He came out with one shoved down in his shirt looking like a beer gut and she laughed and laughed about it.

Kmama said...

I don't remember that one. It must have been before I started reading you. So funny, and embarrassing.

TIFFANY said...

Too funny!

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'm kind of relieved it was that! I was kind of expecting to find that you had been playing with a ... oh ... what are those called .... a diaphragm! :)

Heather said...

I just choked on my popcorn. It is lunch and there are no kids in here to give me the hiemlich. A warning should have been posted!

Mrs Mom said...

Oh Dude. Rach. Girlfriend. If I was not so dang DOG tired, the faint echos of all KINDS of booby jokes would come to the forefront here and be blasted in comments for you ;)

Lease it was not a um.... *prosthetic penis* huh? ;)

muwahahahaha

K- floortime lite mama said...

OMG sooo funny
I love the pics - gosh you are so pretty and have not aged a day

GunDiva said...

Oh Lord, Rachel...you crack me up!

I've missed TSTs - I'll try to get one up next week. If only I can find something blogworthy...

Nah, I've got a good one about the Ashinator that I just need to write up :)

NaomiG said...

oh my goodness. Funniest thing ever. Can't stop cracking up/feeling slightly awkward for you all in the car after reading that one! HAHAHA!

Foursons said...

Bwhahahahahahaha. I can just see you in all your naivety and crinkly dress tossing that back and forth in the backseat of a Beamer. My question is why the heck was it under the seat and not in her shirt?! Love it and what a great way to kick off your carnival. Seriously- reason #65487 why I think you are living in The Truman Show.

stephanie said...

Hahahaha oh my gosh! That poor woman, but how hysterical!

Lady Old Soul said...

*giggling fiercely* Oh em gee, that is monstrously embarassing...what on earth would possess them to leave such a thing on the floor of the car?? Yeesh! I do feel her pain, but some things people simply bring on themselves. THIS, is one of those things. xD LOVED the pic of you in your dress!! Very glam! =)

Kelly said...

I read this yesterday and was speachless, so I didn't leave a comment...

Still have nothing today except....wow, this stuff could only happen to you...(I did laugh out loud though)

Angie Vik said...

Good story. As the saying goes, "Truth is stranger than fiction." It would be hard to make stuff like this up.

Debbie said...

Oh, my word! What a story! And how embarrassing!

Shana said...

Oh Lordy Rachel. Only you can make me laugh so hard. I cannot imagine the tension lol. I bet that was just as funny for them later!

Brandi said...

Oh girl, this one is new to me. I swear, you need a warning on your blog about the hazards of reading and then spewing coffee on your keyboard or peeing your pants!

Kameron said...

I totally thought it was going to be a diaphram to, although that floating around the car would have been odder and far more gross!

Dyann said...

BWAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!!!!