Dear Kindergarten Teacher,
So you know I had a hard time letting my kiddo go to school.
I love the place. I just wasn’t ready to leave him there and miss being part of his day.
I did all the things a responsible parent does.
I bought $1,452 worth of classroom supplies. I stocked up on 11,000 packets of those cool applesauce pouches. I dressed the kid in layers. I completed a detailed health questionnaire and noted that Itty Bit should not do any major contact activities because of his kidney issues.
I picked him up happy and smiling… with $1,452 in classroom supplies unloaded from his backpack, 11,000 applesauce packs still in his lunchbox, his coat still on (seriously?!? It was HOT), and with a CHIPPED TOOTH.
He “doesn’t remember” how he chipped his tooth.
You’re gonna tell me I have the one kid in the class who wants to play contact sports, aren’t you?
The Momma Who Can Only Laugh
Dear Mr. Daddy,
Should we start sending our kiddo to school in this?
The Momma Who Isn’t Ready For Him To Lose Those Baby Teeth
Only because you’re my dad – I have honored your insistence that I not post your picture on the blog. But this was just inevitable…
It wouldn’t have been nearly blogworthy if it were only your hand in that last picture…
But the fact that you took a drink, and then this happened?
Congrats, your backwash made the blog.
Your Snap Happy Girl
Dear Mr. Daddy,
I need this.
It is here.
Told you I was easy to shop for.
aaand back to the school theme…
Dear School Bus Driver,
You have a full load of kids and you don’t look both ways?
When you cut me off, I was terrified I was going to plow into a mass of second-graders.
The fact that I could see them bouncing around from the SIDE windows as I slammed on the brakes should have been your clue that you most certainly did not have enough room to gun it.
Unless you can protect those kids with one of these,
please be a little more careful with them.
The Momma You Just Convinced To Drive Her Kid To School Everyday
Dear Stinkbutt Dog,
I was just trying to get a “first day of school” picture in front of the monkey tree. And you completely ruined it.
First, you acted like you were bounding over from the neighbor’s to say hello. Itty Bit was delighted. Enough to mess up the shot.
Then you raised your hackles and bared your teeth.
Then this Momma raised her hackles and bared her teeth.
(Okay, so maybe I threw Itty Bit behind me, stole his backpack and hauled after the dog with it)
And when I said you were a Stinkbutt dog, I meant it.
Because when your owners started calling you… I had to explain to my confused kindergartener what “Pooter” meant.
No wonder you’re cranky.
The Momma Whose Bite is Definitely Worse Than Her Bark
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