Sometimes the words just need to come out. Even if they’re not perfect.
Even if they suck beyond suckage.
I realize today would normally be a True Story Tuesday, but I’m having a tough time finding the funny, and it would feel like cheating to pretend.
You know that thing I can’t talk about? It got a million times worse.
Like throw up at work worse.
Like three hours of sleep a night worse.
Like my skin is breaking out and I’m worrying nonstop worse.
Like I accidentally dyed my hair black to cover up all the gray worse.
Like the black makes it more obvious how much hair I’m losing worse.
Three years after this began – I never dreamt we’d still be putting all our life decisions on hold waiting for an unbearably slow process to catch up to people who have done wrong.
My own regret speaks loudly.
I’m trading a day of my life for this.
Sometimes doing the right thing sucks.
In the span of three weeks, this situation reached crisis stage, Mom died, and my husband got sick.
Except nobody realized just how sick he was.
He downplays it – joking like he always does.
I have tried to type this, and the words just don’t sound right. To understand that God is in the details is to realize how much He cares.
My man is more stubborn than the average redneck. He had to be in an enormous amount of pain to allow me to seek help.
His neck had swollen in response to a viral infection – to the point of obstructing his swallowing and leaving him with a severe 3-day fever.
And as unwelcome as that news was, the severity meant that he needed a CT scan.
His condition meant that we got immediate care. While trying to cope with the present crisis, I was completely unprepared for what came next.
“The CT scan shows swelling… on this side of the neck…
…it also shows a bump on the other side… biopsy…”
At the word biopsy, I felt like I was barely holding on. Like I just wanted to cry and say, ENOUGH!
But that bump would have never been found had he not wound up as sick as he was. And had we not been right there, at that right time, with a specialist and all the right medical personnel…
We have no news.
Waiting is brutal. Wondering is worse.
I’ve hesitated to share this with you. It just feels so personal.
This will never see the PUBLISH button if Mr. Daddy doesn’t want it to.
We appreciate your prayers.
And are living more purposefully. Realizing that LIFE can’t wait for decisions or news or things that may never happen.
So please forgive me if I put TST on hold for awhile.
I hope it will be a time of upcoming good news. Of peace that doesn’t depend on circumstances. Of a deeper knowing of God.
My marriage has never been stronger. My kid has never been cuter :) I have amazing blog friends. And a list of fun posts I am eager to write.
God is still good.