Monday, October 17, 2011

TST–I Double Dog Kennel Dare You

(Sorry guys - people were saying this doesn't format right on Firefox and Google Chrome.  I am so sorry!  I tried to fix it, but maybe it's worse?  I BROKE MY BLOG!!!!  Help me out here…is it still bad?  WAH!)

True Story Tuesday is BACK!  Life got a little crazy there for awhile, but I’ve been missing our equally crazy stories!  And frankly, when my sister brought up one of our ultimate family legends… I couldn’t resist her offer to write it.

But it isn’t a party til y’all join too!  You’ve probably already written a tale that qualifies – anything amazing, hilarious, miraculous, and true that has happened to you!  Just copy and paste the True Story Tuesday button in your post (that gobbledygook under the picture on the right sidebar), then come back and link up your URL at the bottom of this week’s episode!  We can’t wait to read yours!

So here she is… starring in:


Hi all! This is my first time EVER to post a story, even though I regularly read TST.  Just to
show you the connection, I am Rachel's sister, Ju, so we share bloodlines but little else!

(Rach in:  She isn’t kidding… she looks like Dad - I look like Mom’s older sister, and there’s
an approximately 17” height difference. Don’t mock.)

(Ju back in) She is an amazingly gifted writer/storyteller with great wit who is extremely
organized and, like our mom, can do a million things at once and do them all well. I on the other hand am disorganized, scatterbrained, kinda messy, and usually can't remember what I did 5 minutes ago. Not saying I am without talent, I draw, paint, AND can catch a bucket full of snakes or crawdads!

(Rach in:  She is totally selling herself short.  Though I could live without the
snake catching thing… mind bleach)

(Ju back in) But, I am also talented in ways Rachel would NEVER want to be known as
talented in. The cruder forms, such as fart and burp humor - although, if you think she is devoid of similar gifts, believe me; you are wrong!

(Rach in:  My burping ability is slightly blogworthy)
(Ju back in) I have been honing these talents my whole life and the story I am about to
tell you all is from when I was around 10-11 years old, which would have made Rachel around 14-15 at the time. Anyone who has older sisters will know that one of the greatest joys of us 'bratty little sisters', is torturing our oh-so-mature-and-grown-up siblings. Especially during the difficult 'boyfriend' years.

(Rach in:  This picture was from about that time.  It was the first time I realized my hair
WAS naturally curly, and the the last time I was taller than her.)

rach and jen
(Ju back in)  One of my personal favorite things to do was think up ways to truly embarrass
her, and entertain myself as well, when 'he' was over at the house. Keep in mind that I had not yet discovered that those type of things should have embarrassed ME as well!

(Rach in:  Let’s officially intoduce the players.  Sister Ju, and Boyfriend Murkatroid. 
And yes, he actually goes by that in the family… which is an improvement over his original nickname, “Murky Turkey Water”. I only wish I were kidding. Remember the frosting wars? Yes, them. They are still going strong almost two decades later.)
(Ju back in) Much to my delight, her boyfriend was very tolerant of my antics because he
knew me very well and had his own inclination toward crude humor! He was, and is, like my own brother. Aside from our closeness irritating Rachel no end, there were other perks to having my own 'brother'
1. I had someone to rough house with.
2. I had someone who wasn't afraid to burp the ABC's with me in public.
3. I had someone to practice my "special" skills on.

Let me explain these "special" skills:
I discovered at a young age that if I moved just right while sitting on someone’s lap, I could
cause them to howl in pain because my butt-bone was digging into their thigh! Kinda like a 'hands-free' charlie horse. What joy this ability gave me over the years as I went from one unsuspecting aunt/uncle/grandparent’s lap to another until everyone knew better than to grant this picture-of-innocence girl a seat!

(Rach in:  You forgot to mention “sister”.  Because dang that hurt)

(Ju back in) This 'brother' of mine never REALLY minded the painful charlie horses. RACHEL, on the other hand, was mortified, and let our mom know it EVERY time.
I would get the whole, "Ju, stop putting your butt-bone on your sister's boyfriend" schpeel.

(Rach in:  You act like that’s NORMAL or something?!?)

(Ju back in)  It quickly evolved to including farts, but by then he was just as guilty as me.
Then the whole, "Ju, stop putting your butt-bone"...thing became, "Ju, stop putting your butt-bone on your sister's boyfriend, and will you guys pleeeaaase stop FARTING?!"

TOTALLY unsuccessful by the way. I thought the talking-to was almost as funny as the act
itself, so it was never really a punishment, which of course infuriated my dear sis even more. It couldn't have worked out better for me!

Then came the terrible, awful day that haunts me still.

The day I really got my dues.

As usual, he was over that day.  We had been having a wonderfully fun time filled with talk
and practice of bodily functions.  Being young and easily duped, I agreed to a dare I should have seen coming a mile away. 'He' dared me to climb into a dog kennel. You know, the kind that is all hard, molded plastic with a metal mesh door that locks from the outside?
dog kennel

He promptly locked the door, gave me an evil grin, and squatted with his butt just inches from
my face and

let it rip!

All my senses were assaulted by his horrendous fart.
And it WAS truly horrendous.
He laughed at me nonstop for a good 5-7 minutes while I was trapped with that nastiness!

P.S. I daresay, even my perfect sis had a smirk on her face that day as she witnessed me get
what I had comin. Even though this took place 20 years ago, the "dog kennel incident" is one we still laugh about to this day!
(Rach in – trust me, she got what was coming to her more than once!)

Thanks Ju for the memory of that day where I looked into the backyard to see you screaming
in the dog kennel and Murkatroid collapsing in laughter.  It was worth every butt-bone hands-free charlie horse you ever gave me.
Now it’s up to you guys to share the love.  Add your own link below and we’ll be
around to enjoy your tales too!


Anonymous said...

That is horrific.......Where was your Dad?

Pam Bowers said...

I use firefox and yes, the screen is way messed up. Half of your story is hidden behind your side bar.

Tamar SB said...

You guys are too funny, and what a story!! I use google chrome and it's all easy reading over in my neck of the woods!

MrsMann said...

Ditto what Pam said...

K- floortime lite mama said...

I love this story
Your entire family is just AMAZING
I will participate - just may be later in the day

Singedwingangel said...

yeah it is messedup on Firefox it is all the way across the page in the story ratting smatting and I wanted to read it too..

Beth Zimmerman said...

That made me laugh! Thanks for a great start to my day! I just love your family ... hoots, toots, and all! But I'm never taking one of y'alls dares!

Beth Zimmerman said...

PS - Looks fine on Google Chrome although some of the formatting is a little wonky. Words split in the middle (to different lines), etc.

Singedwingangel said...

BWhahahah I can read it now and see that is so something my boys would do to each other.. Now I was the little sister and I had crushes on all of my one sister De's boyfriends. Her sweet justice was to take a picture of me asleep on the potty.. Oh yeah. I got the pic out of her album the other day.. That was cold.

Jess said...

I'm on firefox and it looks good!

You know, I leave your blog almost every time in gut wrenching pain from laughing so hard. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Kmama said...

Oh my gosh. So funny!!!

I'm on Chrome and it's looking just fine.

I intended to have my own TST, but I was home sick yesterday and didn't get to it. Next week (I hope!).

Bethany said...

I'm on foxfire and can see it.

I love "anonymous'" comment. I wonder who that could be? :)

You all crack me up. I was thinking of you today while my daughter played with her Barbie dolls...naked. That sounds really wrong. Not you, per se, but wishing I had your talent to blog the stuff that was coming out of her little mouth. She should have been my sister's child. She is way more like her than me. If I have time, I'll join up later.

Brandi said...

Sorry Rach... I'm late, but I'm here! I have to go feed the kids and then I'll be back to read. :)

Anonymous said...

Dash it all. I posted a comment much earlier. where did it go???? I do have a TST if I can find the time to get it into a post. gotta go get the boy from school.. back in a bit!

GunDiva said...

Crap, it's Tuesday! I totally planned on having a TST ready, but doing Mom's job kicked my butt. I had to come back to work to get rest from "helping" her out. Do you know that she can out work me with one arm tied to her side? Well, she can.

I'll try again next week - I love TSTs.

PS - you do not look like your mom's OLDER sister - thought you'd slide that one right in, didn't you?

Kelley said...

Hahaha!! That story made me laugh and sounds like something my husband and sons would do to each other. Never me! *GASP*

Brandi said...

OMGOSH!!! Too freakin' funny!!! I so love your family. Boney butt here myself, so I know exactly what you're talking about. In fact, my hubby swears I have a 'tail.' TMI? Naw. Okay, so did y'all have any of those moments at restaurants where you're supposed to be all civilized and then you get the giggles and then, of course, you try to get a drink and then realize the funny just can't be held in and you spew said drink all over the table as restaurant patrons look on in horror and your parents give you The Look? I don't know, but I have a feeling that kinda thing is right up y'alls alley. ;)

LOVED the story!

Anonymous said...

That is horrific ....Where was your Mom?!

Emmy said...

Finish on my iPad- some weird spaces but can read it all.

And that is hilarious!

scooterpie said...

Dear Anonymous, good question. Where WAS Dad?!
Dear Anonymous, good question. Where WAS Mom?!
P.S. Sis, I WISH the dog kennel was outside! It was in the living room, so I didn't have the benefit of the fresh air!

scooterpie said...

Brandi-a TAIL??!! LOL!!

Foursons said...

Bwhahahahahaha! You surely got what was coming to you! I too am the younger sister and I know all about the schemes to irritate big sister. They sure are fun to plot and play-out but sometimes the retribution is fierce.

stephanie said...

your entire family is amazing. what a story!

RaD said...

Ewww... I'll bet you are so glad to be the sister of someone so "talented". Even more so that your then-boyfriend could trump her.

Tiffany said...

Oh Lordy. Are you sure we aren't kin? Cause that sounds like something my brother would have done to me. Thanks for the giggles tonight. Like I needed to hold on snorts in a hotel suite with a bunch of sleeping beauties. I will try to link up next week when I've been brave enough to turn on my computer after it's coffee bath.

robin said...

LOL!!!!!!! What a perfect setup!!! Ewww! What a great memory though in that it provides so many memories so many years later! Over here, I don't think we've 'ever' had bony butts! But after experiencing someone else's kiddo with one, it really does hurt! Again, lol!!!

Shana said...

Oh my gosh. This is totally something Chris would do. So glad the dog we have now is small because I could have fit in the kennel we had for our American Bulldog and I don't think anything could force me into Bowzer's lol. I think bodily function humor is awesome. So funny. By the way, I am in Firefox and it looks normal to me.

Kelly said...

Oh that is so funny!!!!
You guys have the funniest stories!

Anonymous said...

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Great memories :)

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