I thought we’d sweep through the Midnight Madness sales, then go home and blissfully sleep while others duked it out on Black Friday.
Except that 93.7% of the Pacific Northwest thought the same thing.
My mother was my partner in crime. If you’re wondering which version of her it was… Walla-Bip-Boo is correct for $400.
We drove up to Toys R Us shortly after 10pm. It was POURING.
And the line went around the side of the building, but people seemed to be moving quickly in. After all, they’d been open for an hour already.
I ditched my coat (mistake #1), and we ran to the back of the line.
Except the line wasn’t moving any more. And the end of the line was…all the way around the building to the back.
It was POURING.
We discovered that the crazy shoppers were only being admitted in batches and we were at least 3 or 4 batches away.
It was POURING.
My mother decided to run back to the car and grab our coats.
It was THIRTY-FIVE DEGREES out y’all!
And because I hadn’t had a chance to change out of my Thanksgiving outfit, I was dressed in 3” boots (mistake #2).
I stood there shivering while 1200 crazy shoppers looked at the one poor amateur who didn’t have an umbrella or a Starbucks cup.
It was POURING. Did I mention that?
Do y’all know what solid rain does to my hair?
Ten minutes later, my mother returns.
In her car.
This is crazy. Let’s go to another store and come back.
K.
So we wind up at the mall – and without fail, all of the other stores open at least 90 minutes later.
Old Navy
Macy’s
JC Penney’s
Target
Fred Meyer
Kohl’s
Which led to a “let’s just go to Walmart” moment (mistake #3) where we are greeted at the entrance of the parking lot by this scene:
Walmart–auto vs. pedestrians
Drunk driver vs. pedestrians – a 9-year old and her aunt. Unbelievable. Prayed as we parked, then braved the crowds.
Lovely Walmart basically had none of the good stuff on sale until midnight – and employees were guarding plastic covered rows of the sale items. Lines stretched down aisles and I was amazed at how many little kids and babies were along for the madness.
So we ditched Walmart and headed back to a DIFFERENT mall.
If you’re counting, it’s SEVEN stores and we haven’t bought a thing.
Finally it’s midnight and we pick Kohls because the line was shortest. We dash through and have our goods in under 30 minutes. Since there were no carts or bags to be found, we soldiered on with boxes stacked nearly to our heads.
The checkout lines were I.N.S.A.N.E., so we headed back upstairs to Customer Service to pay there (mistake #4).
Unfortunately, they let us wait awhile in that line before announcing that Customer Service would only be handling credit applications. ARGH.
Marched back downstairs to a line that literally made a circle around the store. ARGH again.
We spend the next hour sliding our boxes by inches across the floor. And conversing in sign language ninja style.
Because nothing requires so much stealth as talking about the four completely stoned customers in line in front of you.
Nothing like free entertainment.
By the time we’ve paid for a handful of items, we are past curfew and this chick needed to head home to trade shifts with the Great Hunter.
I crawled into bed at 4am – after shopping at exactly ONE store, and slept hard until Mr. Daddy left to chase the wily wapiti.
Stupidly, I decided that Itty Bit seems pretty mellow and maybe I can cover a few Black Friday sales (mistake #5).
Normally the kiddo is something like this:
But he seemed fine… here’s proof:
(If I hadn’t put him in the cart, that would have been Mistake #6, yay me!)
And he was being pretty darn quiet.
Except for the coughing.
Which got worse and worse and worse.
I did the speed shopping thing at Target – noticing that people kept looking at Itty Bit when he’d cough. I got a million judgmental stares and felt like explaining every 5 minutes that the doctor said he wasn’t contagious and it could take awhile for the tickle in his throat to go away.
Made sure he was feeling okay and checked – no fever.
We raced to Macy’s for that awesome $9.98 deal on cake pop makers:
Except that Itty Bit kept stopping to cough… and finally, very considerately, threw up into his hands.
Imagine me rushing the kid to the bathroom, cleaning his hands and making sure he was alright. Not traumatized. Just mellow.
And coughing.
And of course, by evening, it was a barky cough with a fever.
Parent Fail.
And no cake pop makers.
What was your Black Friday like?
~
And I know you guys will get sick of me asking… but it’s probably the easiest and cheapest (free!) good deed you can do today. Can I beg for your daily vote here so that we can support Morning Star Foundation with a $$ prize? This is not a large-scale operation… these funds go directly toward life-saving care for babies like Timothy.
So grateful to the amazing friends who have voted and helped spread the word!
Please vote here – and leave your double dog dare here :)
