Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Dare Is On!



You all rock.






112 votes at last count, all because of you.


To give these sick babies a chance at the medical care they need.




And now we wait… for the finalists to be announced December 5th.

Who else sucks at waiting… surely not just me??



So while we wait, it’s your turn for some fun.


I promised y’all a chance to thrown down your best Double Dog Dares.  And you came through with 100 votes.  So we have to pay up.


Anyone up for some pig kissin’?

kiss a pig



I think that would be right up Mr. Daddy’s alley, wouldn’t you say?


Wait… that didn’t come out right.




How about a little Polar Dip?

polar dip



I volunteer the Mister for that.  Doesn’t it just sound like a redneck thing?



Okay, in his defense… I tried to find something I could do.  But when I looked up skydiving, this picture is EXACTLY what I’d look like:




And knowing my penchant for stupid injuries, I’d probably get bit by a Bald Eagle on the way down and get fined for tampering with an endangered species.





So send us your wackiest dares.  What crazy prank do you recall from your school days that is just begging to be captured on film?


And if some of you are willing to come out here and join me for a flash mob, I would TOTALLY do it.






So bring it on!  I can’t wait!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Because I haven’t slept


otherwise titled: Insomnia makes things funnier.


I already outed myself as one of those “devoted” bloggers…, but you know it’s bad when I have a bunch more pictures that I forgot I had.


And because I’ve slept approximately 3.7 hours each night for the past two weeks… these are probably far more hilarious to me than to the average well-slept person.

(is that what you call them?  "Well-slept”?)


Please tell me I’m not crazy for thinking they might be… well… off?




I think they are confused.

I know the sophomore behind the counter was definitely confused by the weird girl taking a picture of the sign.





I do not think that word means what you think it means.

(quick!  50,000 OnceUponAmiracle points for the movie reference!)




Does this stuff just happen to me?

Or is this totally normal?




See it?

No worries… I’ll zoom in so you can enjoy it too.




Someone please tell me that they don’t put this on their face?

Because the horse version is definitely not a glamorous beauty routine.





Pop quiz hotshot… here’s another funky online ad:

children for sale


I wonder if Mr. Daddy would mind if I bought Itty Bit a sister?


children for sale


By the way… what’s the going rate for them these days anyway?





One last crazy ad… which seems totally normal at first:



Perspective is everything my friends…



Apparently bad taste is expensive.  Who knew?




Holy smokes you guys…we’re in the homestretch of the Morning Star Foundation voting… and we’re up to 96!  Just four more votes and y’all get a chance to throw some crazy double dog dares at us!

I am so grateful for everyone who took the time to vote.  Can you imagine that those babies could get an early Christmas present from blog friends around the globe?  Amazing to me.

Lynsay is halfway around the world with her husband and two girls… holding these babies, caring for Timothy at his hospital bed.



Thank you for voting here.

And for more information on what that Double Dog Dare is all about… :)

Monday, November 28, 2011

Truth In Advertising



It’s official.


Taking secret ninja pictures of blogworthy moments = devoted blogger.

Writing a self-humiliating TST for a couple of years = devoted blogger.

Writing down blog post ideas on scraps of paper = devoted blogger.

But keeping a collection of weird pictures on my desk, waiting to scan them and blog about them = officially nutty blogger.



First up, is this gem from The Scooter Store:





They obviously know me well if they want me to have them CALL ME.  Trust me… the only time this deaf chick answered the phone in the last decade was to do this to a poor feller.  (May 21st… remember that day we were all supposed to be raptured?)


So, no I won’t be asking them to call me.


But WHY ON EARTH do I need a Free Mobility Consultation?  And why is it capitalized like some official medical test?


Conspiracy Theory #1:  They read my blog and know I have a special talent for stupid injuries.  That might explain the AFLAC mail too…


But what really cracks me up… is that they somehow think their offer of a free Puzzles and Games Booklet (again, with the wonky capitalization!) will convince me to let them call a deaf chick.  I mean it’s not even a Book!  It’s a bookLET!  What fancy Puzzles and Games Booklet has to do with a scooter, will forever be a mystery to me.






Behind Door Number Deux, we have this beautiful “must have” advertisement from a magazine.


must have

Just for kicks… tell me how old do you think that magazine is?


Now check out the date at the bottom.




And somehow, those printed pants are the sixth most needed thing in my wardrobe this season?


I’m incredibly confused.


(and the random vines and hay are totally reminding me of the Fire Swamp – anyone else?)






Next on our must-have list is an essential grooming device.




Unfortunately, I’m not only apparently wardrobe-impaired, but I am also woefully behind on the bedazzling trend.

I didn’t opt for the $200 Luxe Edition Crystal Slant Tweezer and Stand (because really, who doesn’t have a tweezer STAND???).

I now feel fully justified in blaming my $2.99 Walmart tweezers for the fact that I look like Geraldo every morning.


And I totally challenge any of your Pinterest addicts to go make one of those out of Swarovski crystals and a glue gun - then CALL ME to tell me they work better because they’re sparkly.







Conspiracy Theory #2 – THEY WANT ME TO GET HURT.




Does this only look ridiculously dangerous to me because I’m fun-size?  Tell me!






This one takes the I.cannot.stop.laughing prize.


dog shoes


I’ll shut up and let the video do the talking…






And I know, I know… I’m becoming that annoying blogger who keeps begging for votes.  But can I be serious here for a second?  I am so thankful to those of you who are dropping by daily to vote.  Who are spreading the word.


I don’t really know much of what it’s like to live halfway around the world – sacrificing for children who are aren’t born with healthy bodies or families who can care for them.

I don’t really know what it’s like to deal with IV’s and feeding tubes.

I don’t really know what it’s like to hear that a hospital will not admit your desperately ill baby without several thousand dollars in cash.


Voting ends on Wednesday, but these kids will still need formula, diapers, surgeries.  That $1000 is more than a prize – it could mean a lifesaving medicine at exactly the right time.


God is doing big things through the Morning Star Foundation Home.  Bill and Lynsay are at the top of our list of charities… this isn’t a big giant corporation; it is a home with willing hands loving children who might otherwise be forgotten.


Please know I am not overstating this… children die.  Bill and Lynsay have put their hearts into this, and I know it must feel incredibly unfair that funds sometimes seems to stand in the way of a life.


See for yourself… then please vote.  Just two more days.


You can make a difference.













Please vote here.

I Heart Faces–Bust a Gut



In our home, laughter is the great equalizer.


I’m deaf, and crack deaf jokes all the time.

Mr. Daddy is a redneck and cracks redneck jokes all the time.

Itty Bit is a kindergartener, and he… well… he’s just innately hilarious.


Time to brush your teeth honey.

But Mommmmmyyyy…

What honey?

I have narcolepsy.





Eat your dinner honey.

Mommy… Watermelon gum makes you lose your muscles.


Watermelon gum makes you lose your muscles.


Yes it does.  Blake in my class told me so.

But honey…

Mommy!  You said a bad word!  You said BUTT!

No I didn’t, I said “but”, it’s diff…




Heaven help us.  We may die of laughter here.


But it’s always wonderful to see the huge grin that accompanies his oversized laugh.  No hearing impairment can get in the way of “hearing” the laughter coming out of this kid.  Can’t you hear it too? :)


IMG_2403 copy

(Nothing quite says Happy Birthday like being sung to… “You smell like a monkey!”)


What makes you bust a gut?  Join the fun at I Heart Faces!






p.s.  The Double Dog Dare challenge is still on!  Please remember Baby Timothy and the other babies at the Morning Star Foundation Home.  We’d love to win the prize money for them and make a tangible difference.  It’s as easy as casting a vote – we’d love if you could help us help them! You can vote daily here.

Many thanks!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

in other words, I Know Better


I thought we’d sweep through the Midnight Madness sales, then go home and blissfully sleep while others duked it out on Black Friday.


Except that 93.7% of the Pacific Northwest thought the same thing.


My mother was my partner in crime.  If you’re wondering which version of her it was… Walla-Bip-Boo is correct for $400.



We drove up to Toys R Us shortly after 10pm.  It was POURING.


And the line went around the side of the building, but people seemed to be moving quickly in.  After all, they’d been open for an hour already.


I ditched my coat (mistake #1), and we ran to the back of the line.


Except the line wasn’t moving any more.  And the end of the line was…all the way around the building to the back.




We discovered that the crazy shoppers were only being admitted in batches and we were at least 3 or 4 batches away.




My mother decided to run back to the car and grab our coats.


It was THIRTY-FIVE DEGREES out y’all!


And because I hadn’t had a chance to change out of my Thanksgiving outfit, I was dressed in 3” boots (mistake #2).


I stood there shivering while 1200 crazy shoppers looked at the one poor amateur who didn’t have an umbrella or a Starbucks cup.


It was POURING.  Did I mention that?


Do y’all know what solid rain does to my hair?


IMG_1249 copy


Ten minutes later, my mother returns.


In her car.


This is crazy.  Let’s go to another store and come back.



So we wind up at the mall – and without fail, all of the other stores open at least 90 minutes later.

Old Navy


JC Penney’s


Fred Meyer



Which led to a “let’s just go to Walmart” moment (mistake #3) where we are greeted at the entrance of the parking lot by this scene:

Walmart–auto vs. pedestrians


Drunk driver vs. pedestrians – a 9-year old and her aunt. Unbelievable.  Prayed as we parked, then braved the crowds.


Lovely Walmart basically had none of the good stuff on sale until midnight – and employees were guarding plastic covered rows of the sale items.  Lines stretched down aisles and I was amazed at how many little kids and babies were along for the madness.


So we ditched Walmart and headed back to a DIFFERENT mall.


If you’re counting, it’s SEVEN stores and we haven’t bought a thing.


Finally it’s midnight and we pick Kohls because the line was shortest.  We dash through and have our goods in under 30 minutes.  Since there were no carts or bags to be found, we soldiered on with boxes stacked nearly to our heads.


The checkout lines were I.N.S.A.N.E., so we headed back upstairs to Customer Service to pay there (mistake #4).


Unfortunately, they let us wait awhile in that line before announcing that Customer Service would only be handling credit applications.  ARGH.


Marched back downstairs to a line that literally made a circle around the store.  ARGH again.


We spend the next hour sliding our boxes by inches across the floor.  And conversing in sign language ninja style.


Because nothing requires so much stealth as talking about the four completely stoned customers in line in front of you.


Nothing like free entertainment.


By the time we’ve paid for a handful of items, we are past curfew and this chick needed to head home to trade shifts with the Great Hunter.


I crawled into bed at 4am – after shopping at exactly ONE store, and slept hard until Mr. Daddy left to chase the wily wapiti.


Stupidly, I decided that Itty Bit seems pretty mellow and maybe I can cover a few Black Friday sales (mistake #5).


Normally the kiddo is something like this:



But he seemed fine… here’s proof:


(If I hadn’t put him in the cart, that would have been Mistake #6, yay me!)


And he was being pretty darn quiet.


Except for the coughing.


Which got worse and worse and worse.


I did the speed shopping thing at Target – noticing that people kept looking at Itty Bit when he’d cough.  I got a million judgmental stares and felt like explaining every 5 minutes that the doctor said he wasn’t contagious and it could take awhile for the tickle in his throat to go away.


Made sure he was feeling okay and checked – no fever.


We raced to Macy’s for that awesome $9.98 deal on cake pop makers:

bella cake pops


Except that Itty Bit kept stopping to cough… and finally, very considerately, threw up into his hands.


Imagine me rushing the kid to the bathroom, cleaning his hands and making sure he was alright.  Not traumatized.  Just mellow.


And coughing.



And of course, by evening, it was a barky cough with a fever.


Parent Fail.


And no cake pop makers.


What was your Black Friday like?




And I know you guys will get sick of me asking… but it’s probably the easiest and cheapest (free!) good deed you can do today.  Can I beg for your daily vote here so that we can support Morning Star Foundation with a $$ prize?  This is not a large-scale operation… these funds go directly toward life-saving care for babies like Timothy.



So grateful to the amazing friends who have voted and helped spread the word!

Please vote here – and leave your double dog dare here :)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Update: It’s now a Double Dog Dare







I was kinda sorta serious

about the whole begging/pleading/puppy dog eyes thing.




This is our chance to speak up for Timothy.  For sick babies that don’t always have the opportunity to have the medical care that we may take for granted.



A click.

32 so far.  Lots more needed to put these babies into the finalists.



I loathe asking for help.  But there is a special place in my heart for babies who are tiny underdogs.  Someday I hope to tell you why.


But for now… would you make a difference?  With a single click?

Bunches of you have already… and I realized after I first blogged about it, that you can vote daily!  This would put us that much closer to a tangible way to help. 

I would be grateful if you could spread the word.  Amazing to think that a band of friends from around the world can do something real.


And just to make it a bit more fun… let’s shoot for 100 votes and throw down the gauntlet.  Give me your best dares.  One that Mr. Daddy can gleefully capture photographic evidence of – and we’ll show you just how important we believe Morning Star Foundation’s work is.


Wait.a.minute...  I’m sure Mr. Daddy would gladly perform one of those double dog dares too – and I can stay safely behind the camera lens!

What do you say? ;)


Please and thank you.  You guys are the best.

Voting: here.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

the least of these



This post is going to come from left field, but I truly need your help.




On a day that celebrates thankfulness with a national display of gluttony followed by a marathon shopping spree…

I couldn’t get Michael out of my head.




Nearly two months ago, a friend who is serving God in China wrote about his last day:

All I could feel was relief and overwhelming joy that at 12:12pm on September 28th Michael was finally happy and whole, and that while we were left with a broken heart, his was completely healed.


It was heartbreaking being helpless.  I know – I felt the same way when we said goodbye to my sister’s Gracie.


And while Michael and Gracie are celebrating Thanksgiving in Heaven, there are other babies with desperately sick hearts that need help.


Bill and Lynsay are our friends in real life. 


(I have no idea what was so funny, but I’m cheesy like that.  A lot.  Sorry)


They run the Morningstar Foundation, caring for babies who need a miracle.


We kind of like miracles around here.


Babies like Timothy need a miracle.  So tiny and malnourished that they don’t know how old he is.




And in a totally random way, two emails sort of collided and I wondered if it would work?

After all the fun of the Tiny Prints Christmas card giveaway, they sent an email encouraging bloggers to join their Talent Search.  They gave us a choice of a few card layouts, and I cracked up at my boy-about-to-break-Momma’s-camera shot all over again.


Christmas for Timothy


Then I got Lynsay’s email about Timothy.


Here’s where the random collision and YOU come in:


The prize is $1000.

A thousand dollars can make a difference for a Michael or a Timothy.



And I am normally not crazy at all about voting contests.  I don’t have a big blog with a bajillion readers.  I don’t normally stand a snowball’s chance in a greeting card contest (painful pun totally intended).


But I do have blog friends who care - and I refuse to underestimate you :)


For Timothy and other sick babies an ocean away… I am willing to beg and plead and even take a few dares to earn your vote.



Seriously… easy.

You vote.  Itty Bit’s mug wins.  Morningstar Foundation gets the prize.



Go here and simply click “vote” for Itty Bit.


I can’t think of a better way to show gratitude today – let’s make a difference for them.



Pretty please?


Monday, November 21, 2011

the other mother



When they placed me in her arms, it was us against the world.

I don’t think she could have imagined how far we’d travel or just how much harder and better things would get.





Who battled through my silence to give me words again.


She was Mommio.





Then along came Walla-Bip-Boo.


(shockingly, that is only part of her actual nickname)


When I was old enough (and brave enough) to whine, her fingers would tap my lips until an honest-to-goodness Indian war whoop escaped.


While Mommio filled the grocery cart with organic peanut butter and soy milk; Mommio’s fun twin got a running start and rode the grocery cart all the way to the car.


And while Mommio taught Sunday School, Walla-Bip-Boo fastened the giggling kids to the wall with duct tape.



Mommio sang in the church worship team… Walla-Bip-Boo rocked the toddler drum set after the service.




While Mommio is grossed out over a certain daughter’s public burping skills (ahem), Walla-Bip-Boo has no problem embracing the humor.




Walla-Bip-Boo does nothing halfway.

While Mommio entertains one kid with puppets…



Walla-Bip-Boo wins the Grand Marshal prize by entertaining thousands more.  There may or may not have been several Super Soakers involved…


(We look like sisters?  You don’t say!)


And though Mommio was more than willing to pull Grandma duty at the pumpkin patch…




It was Walla-Bip-Boo who stole the spotlight with her Julie Andrews impersonation.




(You have got to love the random confused kid behind her)





To be honest, I love both of my mothers.

Because both Mommio and Walla-Bip-Boo love Jesus.



Here’s her comment on my last post:


Anonymous said... this one may be my favorite of all time posts - the only reason I say "may be" is that it is still in competition with your "Gramma-over-there" post about her wonderfully lived life & how deeply she is & will be missed.
So, as your Mommio, who has NEVER viewed you as handicapped - I want to say that I luv u and I am so very proud of you at this moment... PS me & Itty-bit ran into that little girl in the wheelchair (who by the way is now a grown woman) when I took him to see the movie "Hop" and introduced him as your son - she still remembers you... wonder if she noticed that he looks enough like you to be your clone? :)


I don’t know that you could understand unless you’ve walked it… what a huge thing it is to watch someone sacrifice for you – for decades.  Going more than the extra mile – and doing it cheerfully.  Knowing that the limitations of your life have transformed theirs as well – yet not sensing any kind of bitterness.  Realizing that they’ve taken your hardships on themselves – and at the end of the day, can tell you, “I have NEVER viewed you as handicapped”.  It’s motherhood times 1000.  It’s Jesus.


It made me cry.


So if someday someone doesn’t say,

“You look just like your mother”,


and instead says,

“You are just like your mother”.



I’ll know God has made some headway in me.




Thank you Mommio Walla-Bip-Boo.  I love you a bushel and a peck.



But I’ll still burp.


Excuse me.




Do you have two moms?