I saved my marriage for $11.99 plus tax

 

 

Remember the bacon?

 

 

And my fabric shears?

 

And this dude?

 

 

 

And the wailing and gnashing of teeth when he decided to introduce them to one another?

 

~

 

Momma got smart.

 

She found these at the grocery store:

 

 

And she’s sure they’ll work for her redneck.

 

Because she knows one thing those city girls don’t…

 

A country boy cannot resist the lure of a tricky tool.  And this baby is gonna slice bacon like nobody’s business.

 

 

Now… to find me some cute fabric shears.

 

~

 

 

You’re welcome for the marriage advice.

Now that’ll be $11.99 plus tax.

Our Town

 

 

Welcome back to another episode of Sekrit Ninja Photo Girl!

I thought I’d introduce you to our redneck town.  Or more accurately, “crazy stuff as far as two counties north”.

 

As if that is somehow better than only being in our town.

 

I must warn you that many of these shots may be disturbing to viewers who have Norman Rockwellian towns and cannot fathom why anyone would ever write the words “pig on a poke” on a sign.

 

No really.

 

 

 

Meh… it’s somewhat acceptable considering the State Fair environment.

But who on earth thought this was an appropriate environment?!?

 

 

 

A lovely chapel-turned-gun-shop.

With classy year-round icicle lights no less.

 

Speechless.

 

~

 

A bit less sacrilegious is one of my favorites at the Farmers Market:

 

 

But nothing really beats this classic:

 

 

~

 

At least I can say those were some ha-ha funny people.

 

This dude?

 

Earned himself a “ohmygosh Honey, go back!  I gotta get a picture!”

 

 

What?  You don’t see anything amiss in the Target parking lot?

See the corner of the inside of my car?  That’s how sneaky I am…

 

 

 

Okay, now the dude is just acting like nothing is up.

 

No really honey, I saw him!  Keep driving!

 

(and if you’re really tricky, you can spot my reflection in my side mirror ;)

 

 

 

See!  I told you!  The guy has a full on bbq happening here!

 

 

Don’t be fooled… he’s pretending it’s not his.

 

Quick honey, grab one with pickles for me.

 

 

 

Got anything crazier than a random Target bbq chef in your town?

The Wisdom of Age, by Mr. Daddy

 

 

I remember as a tyke wanting to be wise.

and reading that wisdom comes with age and understanding. I was continually trying to rush into the future, and pushing myself to understand things. Only to realize, some things cannot be rushed and there are some pretty confusing things in life.

 

I would like to take the time to capture a few thoughts, and things I have realized as I have matured.... :)

 

Wisdom isn't always the high and lofty advice of disciplined and educated men, the likes of King Solomon, Buddah, Mahatma Gandhi, or Einstein. It goes without saying, that these men will add great value to our own lives if we only take the time to consider the wisdom of their observations....just saying..

But!!

 

Life experiences can also bring wisdom. Consider this: as a youngster I was all about the right tool for the job. Can you even begin to imagine the size of my toolbox? And yes I would stress about this and obsess, about which new shiny tool I would need, and what my next job would entail...

 

With age I have realized the there are only two things needed in my tool box... WD40 and duct tap.  The WD40 is for the things that are tight and won't loosen, and the duct tape is for the things that are loose and won't tighten... "O" and a hammer, because if it can't be fixed with a hammer, it's an electrical problem.

 

(Rach in:  I am totally laughing my elbutt off)

(Mr. Daddy in:  SCORE!)

 

Consider this on marital harmony, I have decided that it is pointless to argue on the etiquette and proper position of the toilet seat. I let Rach win on this one and just pee in the sink... *snort* And yes I hear the collective gasp in bloggy land, but consider this ladies, has your beloved given up arguing about this little issue in your own homes??? Think on it to your mental peril... ~chuckling snidely here girls~ perhaps your own Dear Husband is gaining in wisdom....And if you ever come visit our little corner of paradise, maybe you should wash up in the kitchen sink.... ROFL (just kidding ladies... *maybe*) *snort*

(Rach in:  No way.  Just NO WAY.  Now THAT would explain why your mother always bleached her sinks.)

(Mr. Daddy in:  Mom bleached everything.)

 

A thought for the kitchen:  To avoid cutting yourself, have someone else hold the vegetables. It is simply AAHH-mazing how effectively this has worked for me. Although I have had to take a few minutes out of my busy schedule to make a run to the ER for other members of the household... :)

 

(Rach in:  And this with an already accident prone wife…)

(Mr. Daddy:  You’re welcome Dear)

 

 

And Dear, there is a logical and perfectly sound explanation to the picture that you tried to shame me with on your last post. If you put the roaster pot in that way you get a moister cut of meat from one end and a drier cut from the other, thus saving time and effort for your distinguished guests... (who for some reason have started insisting on using the kitchen sink to wash up in???)

 

(Rach in:  Oh Lordy… I’m actually more bothered by the fact that you cut your meat with your pocketknife…)

(Mr. Daddy in:  Whaaat?  It’s a TOOL, dear.)

 

 

For the medicine cabinet, If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough. Now before you all go getting in an uproar, I know it sounds like crappy advice, butt if you will put yourself out there to try it, I am quite certain you will agree to the effectiveness of said method.

P.S. please don't choose to visit our corner of paradise while undergoing this treatment!! just saying....

 

 

 

Also For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins.  It is important to remember to use a timer if you decide to try this method of treatment.

If you have trouble springing from your bed, all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and your snooze button is your nemesis... just put a mousetrap on the top of your alarm clock...You will be AAAHHhhhmazed at how quickly you will spring from your bed ready to talk to God and start your day....

 

Thanks for letting me share a few of my little insights, and consider the words of ~Piet Hein~
"The road to wisdom? Well, it's plain and simple: Err and err and err again. But less and less and less."

 

And also the sage wisdom of Red, Green: "If the women don't find you handsome, let them at least find you handy."

You all take care out there.

 

 

 

(Rach in:  And no peein’ in the sink)

(Mr. Daddy:  In the name of marital bliss… I’ll pee anywhere I need)

Letters of Intent - I promised you a winner, didn’t I?

 

 

First some fun with King Julien…  because everyone’s got a letter to write, right?

 

 

 

Dear Ms. Kindergarten Teacher:

 

I don’t know how you do it.

This deaf chick came to the V-Day party and had her lipreading skills sorely tested by the crazy combination you deal with every day.

 

Jadyn – Javyn

Ethan – Eastin

Ella – Emma

Rilee – Ryker

 

Love,

The mom who finally figured out Lyric is a boy and Jackie is a girl

 

~

 

Dear Mr. Daddy,

 

Really?

You didn’t notice anything was amiss when you put the pot roast in?

 

 

 

Something tells me this might have been part of the creation of the lovely carmelized sauce on the bottom of the oven…

 

Love,

The woman who loves that you cook

 

~

 

Dear Papa,

 

It really drives me nuts that you won’t let me post pictures of you on my blog.  Cuz then I have to get creative.

 

 

That whole parent vs. grandparent thing?

I thought it absolutely charming that you demonstrated one of your signature impressive belches at the dinner table tonight.  Then after Itty Bit asked why your burps always sounded like that (“bow”), he was swiftly instructed that he was to come up with his OWN special belch.

It will take months to undo the training he received at dinner tonight, practicing animal sounds and words via gastrointestinal emissions.

Somehow I can’t remember you ever helping me with my burps???

 

Love,

I can still burp longer than you

 

~

 

Dear readers,

 

Y’all rock.  We loved, loved, loved the entries to this giveaway!  And for stories behind this mini criminal’s mugshot?  I was shocked at how many of his REAL stories y’all remembered.

 

By far, the one thing most of you figured was worthy of felony history, was his little escapade of CUTTING MOMMY’S HAIR.  (I winced just typing that).

 

We had a blast laughing through the entries – thank you so much!

 

A real highlight of this silly contest was guilting poor PamD back into blogging action ;)  She did not disappoint… she captured the entire expose from Itty Bit’s nefarious black market elbutt dealings, to Mr. Ed’s relative, and even squeezed a Mr. Braddy reference in there.

It’s well worth the click… here it is.

 

It sent Mr. Daddy into a coughing fit, so I think we have a winner!  Congrats PamD!  Can’t wait to see what you choose from the talented Katie Lloyd!  (A huge thank you to Katie for her generosity!)

 

And from the follower comments; I totally did not do this the proper OCD way.  I plugged in the total of all comments and hoped it would land on a follower one.  Forgive me?  (If I could even talk about the suckage of this past week, you would immediately order me to eat all of the prize chocolate).

…the bonus “My Favorite Things” prize goes to:

 

 

Oh no way… it’s LITTLE JO!

 

If you can’t quite place Little Jo… she’s my photobombing niece below:

(and yes, that’s Ju and little May-May and Itty Bit… I miss that itty-bit-ness!)

 

And the little karate skills vs. furniture episode might be kinda sorta inspired by this:

 

Thanks for playing along!  Congrats to PamD and Little Jo!

Mugshot Madness Finale

 

 

ENDS TONIGHT!

 

Prizes include:

 

 

 

Get your last entries in here.  Two winners, unlimited entries.

 

Confession:  I can’t stay up until midnight to post winners.  I am insanely exhausted.  The “situation I can’t talk about” has beaten me up this week.  Badly.

 

Always look on the bright side though, right?  Five pounds down in three days has got to be a record for this chick.

 

So much I wish I could say.  So much I wish I could write about how kindness in children needs to be nurtured because grown up bullies are incredibly destructive.

 

It makes me appreciate – all the more – the incredible kindness and humor within the safety of these four cushy blog walls.

 

(That was a Thank You, in case you didn’t know :)

 

 

 

So I’m repeating what Mom used to say to me…

Stay blameless.

Stay blameless.

 

 

Gosh I miss her.

 

 

We’ll come back with the winners and have some fun with all those comments.  We are loving those funny mugshot stories!

 

Giveaway here.

Mugshot Madness #3

 

 

So really, this is just about photobombing.

 

Because I really love me a good photobomb.

 

 

 

Ever upload a bunch of pictures, hit delete, then think,

 

“waitaminute… what was that?”

 

Yeah… I kept the first one, deleted the second… then UNDELETED it after I took a closer look.

Am I mean for laughing?

 

(in an oh poor baby kind of way)

 

 

 

Seriously, have you ever seen a sadder pilot?

 

~

 

And speaking of photos… we only have 28 entries in the awesome Katie Lloyd Photography giveaway. 

 

I usually purchase all the giveaway prizes, but Katie was generous enough to offer an 8x10 print from her shop – so I would really love to knock this giveaway out of the park for her.

 

You don’t have to be a follower… unlimited entries for coming up with a story behind our son’s mugshot!

 

 

It couldn’t be easier… just being a follower gets you an entry into the bonus prize round if you leave a comment.  Bonus round?

 

$20 giftcard to your choice of Target or Starbucks:

 

 

Some decadent chocolate deliciousness:

 

 

And some Bath & Body Works yumminess:

 

Plus some stuff to make your house smell good too:

 

 

Let’s extend the giveaway another couple days to show Katie Lloyd some love.  Wednesday night sound good?  I’m slowly catching up on your blogs and can’t wait to see what you’ve been up to!

 

(Hopefully an update post from Mr. Daddy soon… wish life could be ALL as fun as giveaways and blog buddies!)

Mugshot Madness #2

 

 

Seriously you guys… there’s only 24 entries in the giveaway.

 

(My son has burped at least 24 times today, just to put that in perspective for y’all).

But if you’re still on the fence about it, let me assure you that if you like either of these, you’re in luck for the bonus prize:

 

 

Who can resist that dangerous Dollar Aisle or some caffeine?

 

~

 

(are y’all tired of this picture yet?  Because it still makes me laugh my elbutt off)

 

 

So it wasn’t just Itty Bit that deserved a mugshot…

The Mister also earned one of his own.

 

His crime?  Just check out the Facebook deets:

 

 

Yes, you read that right.

 

ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN comments.

 

That tells me y’all thought it was quite felonious.

 

~

 

(I don’t even want to tell you how crazy that Facebook conversation got… I am just continually in awe of how randomly funny people are)

 

~

 

 

“But I’ll wash ‘em.  They’ll be fine.”

 

Seriously… this stuff?  With my pretty girlie scissors?

 

See that yumminess dripping off?  That does something to the chemical composition of metal.  Something that makes them completely unworthy of contact with pretty fabric ever again.

 

(Moment of silence for the shears now relegated to utility tasks)

 

 

 

A hunting buddy jumped in… you rednecks always stick together!

 

 

 

Methinks the redneck owes Momma a cute new pair?

(go ahead honey… the picture links to the website to purchase them ;)

 

 

And that redneck?

 

 

Thoroughly unrepentant.

 

 

 

~

 

Now hop on over and add your entry!  One for being an awesome follower, another for blogging or tweeting about it, and UNLIMITED for exposing the crazy stories behind Itty Bit’s mugshot!  Until Monday night, enter here!