Sunday, March 18, 2012

We Left the Horses to Guard the House, Part II



I joked about it in my last post, but yesterday this dude:


…proved that he was more than capable of knocking down a human and sending them into a backward somersault.  That someone may have also become separated from their glasses and hearing aid, but I’ll not name that person to spare them further embarrassment.



So we left off with the Houston saga… and what cracked me up is how many Texas readers offered to haul over and keep us company or put us up for the night!  I have the best blog friends, truly.


Starting at the beginning; my travel expert dad found this unbeatable deal to an incredible place.


(Since my dad refuses to allow me to show his face…. here’s a shot with him and Itty Bit with his lovely “underwears” showing)



and here’s a shot of the incredible resort:



When we found out that Mr. Daddy’s treatment was supposed to start while we were attempting to darken our pasty Northwest hides in Mexico; the doctor said, “don’t postpone your vacation”.


(I could have kissed him.  Except well, he probably would have liked that about as much as the surgeon liked my hug).


So we readied ourselves to jet to Acapulco.


First came mother/daughter pedicures that left me with tears in my eyes.  My mother remarked that I had been exfoliated for a lifetime.


Then came a frantic 30-pound-weight-loss program.


(When you buy an elliptical machine that says “some assembly required”… DO NOT BE FOOLED.  It will take you FOUR hours to open forty-seven boxes and sort the fasteners that your tyke helpfully dumped into a pile. And grease?  GREASE in my living room?!?)




(Another clue: when your house looks WORSE than Christmas morning, that is not “SOME assembly required”.  Just sayin'…)




Not surprisingly, I was still pegged as the 30-pound-overweight pasty woman from the Northwest… I have no idea what clued them in that I wasn’t a local?




(For the blog record, Mom claimed we’d be fine for a half hour early morning run on the beach.  Except that it was longer than a half hour.  I am still peeling from the beautiful lobster result.  Mr. Daddy points and yells “UNCLEAN!  UNCLEAN!” every time he sees my shoulders.)


Backing up a bit further… before we left, Itty Bit helpfully decided to pack his own bag.  Then got awfully secretive about it.  This is what I found when I unzipped it:



Holy Legos Batman.  The entire box.  And dutifully strapped in.


Apparently socks and underwears are highly overrated.




The beauty of having a “I can do it myself” kid, is that he hauled that sucker by himself like a little pro.




The weird part for me is that I keep thinking that’s myself in the picture with him.  Until I see those crazy butt toner shoes my mom is gonna thank me for warning her about someday…




We took a red-eye flight to Houston.  And it was instant wackiness.



(Someone come up with a good punchline for this, please?)


And then cause for instant screaming in the WOMEN’S room.  Apparently y’all weren’t kidding about things being bigger in Texas.


(My mom changed out of the butt toner spine mess up thingies, and was the only one brave enough to pose next to this monster).




My dad is not a short guy.  But I think I annoyed him on the connecting flight by repeatedly calling him The Hobbit every time he stood up.



(and now you see why the kids at school shut up when I said that MY dad could beat up their dad).




We landed in Mexico City and were treated to conflicting directions from four different airport employees.  Forcing us to go through security again just for fun.  YIPPEE!


We got the weirdest welcome to Mexico there, though…




(How did I get so ninja-ish that I take pictures of broken toilet paper holders in foreign countries?  It’s a sickness I tell you.)




The only thing weird about the last flight was that crazy in-flight catalog.




Does anyone else think that squiggly little logo looks a little risque for tennis shoes??



Seriously, what is that supposed to be?




Now that’s just wrong.






Now, y’all might have gotten this far and wondered what on earth we were doing traveling to Mexico?  Isn’t there a State Department travel alert out for the area..?


We researched and researched it all.  We read nearly 800 accounts of people who had been to this exact place.  We hired a driver beforehand and planned to stay in the safest areas.


When it could be researched no more, Mr. Daddy’s doctor told us to go.



We stepped out of our yard full of snow and into some sandy sunshine.


And right smack into a True Story Tuesday that will haunt me for the rest of my everloving public humiliation life.


Stay tuned for Part III


Kmama said...

I'm so glad you guys got to go away. I'm sure you all needed it badly.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad y'all got to go! And I can't even go there with the electric men's room. Nope. I can't wait for the next installment.. and in the meantime, try not to get knocked over or pooped on by the ponies...

robin said...

Don't you just love those wood roaches! They live in the trees around our house and sometimes sneak in (or fly around inside before we bludgeon them to death!)Scary!

Sperm shoes! Ugh!!!

Bethany said...

Dying laughing. That's all I have to say!

Glad you got to get away and enjoy it all with only public humiliation. ;) Has Mr. Daddy started his treatment then? Let me know how I can best be praying for you!

Liz Mays said...

Ewwww, nobody wants sperm on their feet! Do they?

I'm glad you guys got to go to Mexico! And I can NOT believe your mom put her foot so close to that disgusting roach.

Stacy said...

Oh, that resort looks so lovely! I think a break was needed for you guys, most definitely. So glad you escaped the cold for some relaxation. I hope you at least had a nice time once you got there (besides the lobster tan, of course!).

Oh, and I hate flying and connecting flights. They always seem to go awry.

Discovery School at First Baptist Heath said...

really??? ya left me hanging like that for a part three??? come on.. it is not like I have a life...

Brandi said...

I'm w/'Mom.' This was a great post and I had so many comments, but now all I want is the next installment. HURRY! ;)

Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam & Dylan Too said...

This post had me laughing! I'm glad you got away, and I can't wait for Part 3!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

You need and deserved to tan your pasty North American hide! I can't wait to see more pics of that incredible resort! Asher's suitcase would be like his, but with tractors! Boys!

Saimi said...

I obviously missed the first post, but YAY for you, your family and Mexico!!

I'll be sure to tune in for part three!!

Foursons said...

Yup, those roaches freak me out too and I have lived here most of my life!!! I still scream like a little school girl when I turn on the garage lights and they go runnin'. And my boys...they do too. I once trapped one under a glass and left it there for days. It didn't die but it did poop. A lot. And...I screamed when it ran off after I lifted the glass. Hahahahaha.

I'm glad the doctor told y'all to go on the trip. Really glad.

Angie Vik said...

How fun to go somewhere warm during winter. Your sunburn looks painful. Ouch! Glad you had a good time. I look forward to your next installment.

stephanie said...

My girls and I went to the park for a picnic with 4 other families. my chicks and I were the only people who got sunburned and girl we were RED. I felt awful!!

Shana Putnam said...

Oh Lord have mercy lady. YOu crack me up. I am so beyond thrilled you guys got to go on vacation though.

Shana Putnam said...

Oh and what is up with the sperm shoes?!?!?

Unknown said...

with you all, life is never dull! i love the suspense!

Anonymous said...

Ok - am I the only one - or does that logo on the tennis shoes look like polywog sperm?!

Marley's Mama said...

Warm weather is good for the soul! Been thinking and patting for you. Would like to friend you an Facebook, but alas, don't know how to find you! Maybe you could look me up? Megan Dillon and my profile pic is my darling daughter making a silly face. And I'm in Indiana.

Thanks for the laughs- your attitude in the face of adversity is a heaven-sent blessing! Can't wait for part 3!

And that should say "praying", not "patting". Stupid phone. :-p

Krulls in Haiti said...

Okay... there is so much to this that is hilarious to me... for starters, I think you are the world's most observant person, because you spot some of the wackiest things out there. I love it! Can't wait to hear the TST story!

By the way, when you get the chance, shoot me an email with your address so I can send you one of our update letters :) Thanks!

lalfabeto {at} gmail dot com

Buckeroomama said...

I totally cracked up at what Itty Bit packed!!! My kids have snuck in a few pieces of Legos... but a whole box?| Bwahahaha!

BTW, I`d tagged you on my blog. Hope you`ll play along. :)

Emmy said...

Okay totally left us hanging! Glad you got to get away and this has got to be the most entertaining vacation post ever!

Anonymous said...

hehe! You make me laugh. I love the picture of you.... and that suitcase! Priceless! Loved it! :D

Jenna Miller said...

I love your post! I couldn't imagine if people with hearing disabilities would be required to leave their hearing aids to the guards. That is unfair.

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