Sunday, September 09, 2012

her birthday


(Would you guys please go check the giveaway?  There’s only 12 entries and I think it’s because people may have been having trouble with Rafflecopter?  It’s the first time I’ve used it… and I would rather re-start the giveaway if it’s not working?  No account or Facebook login needed – just an email address so I can contact the winner.  Anyone want to test it for me here?)




So it’s been almost a year.




So hard to believe.


I think it feels so unkind sometimes.  The way life keeps moving on.


It’s not as if time makes it hurt much less.  I think it turns wounds into scars that ache instead of bleed.


In many ways, her death was peaceful.  In pain here, to stepping one breath away into her reward.


Her daughter is here now.  Filling Mom’s kitchen with jars and jars of canned peaches.  Her granddaughter helps her.  Her great-granddaughter has grown two inches and just made the varsity volleyball team.


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See what I mean about life moving on?  The hole gapes.  Mom’s laughter is missing from the four generations as they slice the peaches and stand over the hot stove that she prepared decades of meals from.

I grieve for Itty Bit.  For what he’s missing.

There’s nothing like a grandma who makes you feel loved.




Marrying into the family didn’t make me feel any less loved.  She was just one of those people.  Go grab an extra plate and bring it to the table.


A year brings a long time of

Mom would have loved this.

Remember when?

How did Mom do it?


The house is different.

Absolutely everything could have been exactly the same.  Yet, the person who made it a home – it feels as if she’s stepped out and we are somehow still waiting for her to come back.


Her kitchen window overlooks our yard.  I still catch myself starting to wave as I leave in the mornings.


There’s so much to be said for living well.  For investing in others.  For hard work and a happy spirit.  For being willing to let God use you in a million big and little ways.



There are just so many reminders of the loss.


In some ways… it feels as if we are all riding alone now.







So happy birthday Mom.  We miss you.  We love you.



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Pam D said...

So very thankful that Dana was able to make it there, to capture those moments in time that meant so much. Adam's grandmother died when he was four, and it's only by showing him the pictures of him with her that he can remember. And if there's one thing that I've learned from the loss of my father and my husband's mother, it's that time never erases the hurt or makes up for the loss. It does get less raw, but it takes time, and it's often more time than people want to give you. Once the one year anniversary has passed, so many people want to say "There! You've had your year to grieve. Now, get on with life!" And yet, the second year is maybe the hardest. You're done with the firsts. There will BE no more "first birthday/Christmas/fill in the blank" without her, other than unique occasions like a wedding or birth. But for those things that occur every year.. you are now past the "firsts", and that's when you realize that you have a very long way to go. Don't let anyone define how (or how long) you should grieve. For her, it will just be the blink of an eye before she turns around to see you walking through those gates behind her. She will still be taking in all that Heaven has to offer, and she will be overjoyed to share it with you. Love you much... (((HUGS))))

Bethany said...

It will be three years next month and I still miss my second mom. Praying for peace in the sorrow and joy in the memories. Wishing I could be there to give you a big hug.

Anonymous said...

I am VERY sorry for your loss!!! Death seems so unfair at times!!! But we all have to go thru it...sometimes it is only by the Grace of God can we get thru it. We are constantly saying too in our family...Oh Nana would of loved to seen this or that...
May the memories be many and the sorrows be few for you!
Pride in Photos

Foursons said...

Pam's comment is perfect. I pray for peace and comfort beyond all understanding while the grief is so raw that it knocks you to your knees.

Unknown said...

Amen to what Pam said. Each year brings its own challenges, none easier or harder than others. Hugs to all of you!

Krulls in Haiti said...

Time doesn't heal all wounds, and I know the loss will still be felt in different ways as time moves on. Hope you can laugh at some memories today, and know joy!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Bittersweet. YOu can tell what a cool lady she was. Hugs and love to you all.

danette said...

(((hugs))) Rachel and family - my heart goes out to all of ya'll.

GunDiva said...

This is exactly how I feel about my Grandma Mary. I'm glad that my kids are old enough to remember her and feel sad for Nebalee's kids who were so young when she died.

This is a wonderful tribute - thank you for sharing her with us.

Floortime Lite Mama said...

happy happy birthday to your mother in love
I am so sorry she is gone Rach
So beloved was she
hugs and hugs

Shana Putnam said...

Yesterday was the anniversary of Chris' Dad's passing and we felt it here just as strong as the day he left. It gets less stinging but stays painful. We miss him every day as I know you guys miss her. I am praying for you guys and you know that. HUGS

Kmama said...

What a sweet post. I'm sure you are making her so proud.

Anonymous said... this one makes it into my top-10 blog favorites - luv u :)

Susan said...

Beautiful tribute to a cherished friend and second mom.
Beautiful way to sum it up in your paragraph that starts out "There's so much to be said for living well....."
None of you is riding alone without her. I can see how her spirit still rides with you. While you miss her physical presence in your lives, I am certain you remember the sound of her laugh and the feel of her hug and the look on her face when you were with her. The scent of peaches in her kitchen had to bring her right back to you in sweet memories of canning time. This is what we all hope for after our own end: that we will be a sweet memory in our loved ones' continuing chapters and that they will especially remember the way we cherished them. There is no better legacy. Your mother-in-law was as lucky to have you in her life as you were to have her in yours. The emotional pain of loss is the price that is paid for loving someone that much...with the balance scale tipped slightly when appreciation for that kind of love is added to the happier side. It's clear that you appreciated the love you had for each other. Prayers are with you to feel healing comfort in knowing she is in a beautiful, joyful, pain-free place. I am so sorry you are feeling the deep pain of missing her.

MixedMolly said...

So sorry to hear this. She sounds like a wonderful and inspiring woman.

Angel Shrout said...

Dagnabbit Rachel.. I know this pain, all too well currently. Still raw, some spots still bleeding, totally understand it. Sending much love and hugs. My mom would have turned 74 the 25th of this month. I am dreading that day. I am dreading my birthday as well. They put her in the hospital that day, never to come back to me.. and now I have to go or I will never stop crying tonight..

Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam & Dylan Too said...

This brought tears to my eyes. It sounds like she was a wonderful person.

Candice said...

What a beautiful tribute to an obviously wonderful lady. How fortunate you are all that she was (is!) part of your family! Hugs!

Angie Vik said...

You did such a nice job of sharing your thoughts and feelings. I enjoy your funny, sassy posts, but just as much like your serious, thoughtful posts. I appreciate your outlook on life. May God bless you and your family as you continue to adjust to her absence.

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