Monday, February 18, 2013

On Craigslist dates and other dangerous ventures

 

What do you do when grandma unexpectedly whisks your kiddo away for an overnighter?

(with these two Toby Keith fans… I understand pizza, donuts, and Hot Wheels are also involved.  Anyone else taking bets on how thrilled Itty Bit is going to be to come home?)

IMG_4073

 

You strap on your personal firearm and you go meet a Craigslist seller.

 

What?  You don’t?

 

Now this girl has been a Craigslist believer for awhile now.  Remember this particular score?

IMG_4674

(Let me clearly state that this is a BEFORE picture of the day we brought her home.  The AFTER picture is below.  I want to cry when I look at both).

 

IMG_6979

 

But I am also all about safety.

I Google the snot out of every seller, I ask a million questions, meetings are in public places and attended by my well-armed husband.

So when we had a chance to save some major $$$, my cute date strapped his sidearm on and we hit the road to meet a guy selling one of these:

24-70mm f2.8

 

Grabbing a table at Starbucks, we started testing the gear.  At one point, Mr. Daddy gave Mr. Seller some friendly advice to face me while he was talking so that I could read his lips.

 

OH EM GEE.

 

Mr. Seller suddenly decided that the fact that I’d been answering every question appropriately and speaking normally to him was not enough.  He began prefacing every statement with looking at Mr. Daddy and saying, “Tell her..”

 

I’m sitting right here dude.  Watching you say, “Tell her…tell her… tell her…” and plastering a smile on my face while Mr. Daddy tells you, “it’s fine… she’s really good at lipreading.  She’s got it”.

 

After he says it for the eleventieth time, Mr. Daddy gives him a sideways grin and says, “If I hadn’t told you, you probably wouldn’t have even known she was deaf.”

 

Turns out the guy had more questions for me about my equipment than I did about his

 

So the guy left the coffee shop a little richer and one lens lighter.  We stayed a bit and laughed at how people suddenly talk as if I’m not there when they discover I cannot hear.  Remember this woman?

Then Mr. Daddy decided to demonstrate the fine talent of drinking a caffeinated beverage sans hands.

date 3

 

He’s a keeper, I tell ya.

Then we detoured to exact revenge for Best Buy’s refusal to honor their price match four years ago.  I don’t hold a grudge or anything…

We walked out with a big bad memory card for 40% off, booyah!

 

And the next stop was right up Mr. Daddy’s alley:

IMG_6394

(We sure know how to rock a date night, right?)

 

Ostensibly to look for a gun for the WIFE. 

 

Yeah, he’s a genius, right? 

 

In all fairness, this chick is working toward shooting something a bit more deterring to the criminal element than a Canon.

 

~

After pointing guns at walls for the better part of an hour, the O Garden was next on the list.

Typical phone capture of a carb-loader interrupted:

date1

 

And truly, the point of this whole post was to do some damage control because I knew that husband of mine would blog it otherwise.

 

IN MY DEFENSE: I didn’t want to waste anything.  So, I mean, I did what everybody does…  I just didn’t time it right.

 

So Ken and Barbie and their 2.5 kids in trendy outfits were sitting kitty-corner from us.  Seriously, the guy was like a less hirsute skinnier version of Hugh Jackman, and the wife was this tiny Kelly Ripa thing.

I was doing so good… avoiding the bread, boxing up half my meal, turning down dessert.

Except, that marsala sauce was staring at me from the plate.  And you know… my wallet was saying, “girl, you know that was $16 marsala sauce.  You’d better get your money’s worth”.

(Your food doesn’t talk to you?)

 

Mr. Daddy totally knew what was coming.  I mean, you remember our restaurant spit wad wars, right?  He knows that “public humiliation” is totally subjective.

 

Especially when it comes to $16 marsala sauce.

 

So I used my fork to “transport” the majority of the sauce.  Except, I suddenly realized that that yummo stuff was starting to leak over the edge of the plate.

So I took care of it.

 

As in… lifted my plate up, and ahem licked it off while turning the plate.

 

Seriously folks… it was a thing of precision and efficiency.

Except.  Mid-lick, with the plate still over my head… I made eye-contact with shaven skinny Hugh Jackman.

Who was totally staring.

And who immediately burst into unsuccessfully stifled loud laughter.

I sat there in growing horror with my eyes wide and sauce on my chin.

 

I ducked my head and turned… to meet the eyes of my husband who had.seen.everything.

 

Oh SNAP.

 

By this point, Kelly Ripa was baffled by the apparent inside joke that was occurring between her husband (whose shoulders were heaving with silent laughter) and the completely red-faced girl at Table 4.  Except, she didn’t realize that it was Mr. Daddy in on it too.

 

The two men exchanged several wordless looks that spoke volumes, and it was clear later that Hugh Jackman filled in his nuclear family about what he had witnessed.

His grade-school daughter kept pointedly giggling at me, while the wife actually seemed a bit annoyed.

 

The laughter simply would.not.stop; I finally convinced Mr. Daddy to bail from the scene of my humiliation.

I stood to put my coat on and quickly blurted,

“I am SO sorry you had to see that.”

 

Their table erupted in laughter (well, except for annoyed Kelly Ripa), and my husband then brought the house down.

 

“I can’t take her ANYWHERE”.

 

 

~

 

Mr. Daddy hacking in:

See what I mean?

urgent care1

 

Need I say more?

 

.

 

15 comments:

Rachel said...

Ohmygosh Ohmygosh Ohmygosh - you did NOT just post that Urgent Care picture.

You are in SO MUCH TROUBLE dude.

And to think I ever begged you to blog... ACK!

Angelwithatwist said...

Roflmbo that he posted the pic. Yeah I would have licked the plate too. I so wish ya'll were closer cause the trouble we would stir would be monumental.

Mr. Daddy said...

Yes DEAR,,,, and I have few more squirreled away...LOL BE AFRAID....be very AFRAID....

renee said...

you two CRACK me up!!!!!

Rachel said...

Oh, no worries dear... I am VERY afraid!

Daddy Hawk said...

Rachel, are you sure you and my wife are not twins separated at birth? Seriously. She does the sauce licking thing too. I haven't seen the yoga toe nail biting yet, but give it time.

Mr. Daddy, you and I need to share a beer sometime and compare notes.

Discovery School at First Baptist Heath said...

I am jsut thrilled to see Mr Dady back to blog hacking...

Lick more plates, I say

Anonymous said...

AAHHHHH yes...it was doughnuts, pizza, blueberry waffles, Panda orange chicken, Hotwheels, helicopters, tanks, excavators, bicycles, scooters, and HUGE beach frizbees - Oh yes - and Mary Poppins, Gnomeo & Juliet, and the Rescuers until 10:30 pm, all "sleeping" in a nest of sleeping bags on the floor - an exhausted time was had by all! Especially Gramma!

Furry Bottoms said...

i had no idea that was where Joey came from! You're a godsend. Poor horse is going to thank you till the end of his days!

WHAT were you doing with that foot anyway? ;-)

Foursons said...

You have a spammer my dear!

Licking the plate is hilarious. Biting your toenails? Um...ewwwwwww!

Glad y'all are getting out and enjoying yourselves and I LOVE the new lens. I have no idea what it does but I do know it'll be fancy. :)

Lexie Loo, Lily Boo, and Dylan Too! said...

I love how much fun you have together! Always an adventure with you two!!!

Emmy said...

Lol! Oh that last picture! And you are a smart girl- no way you can waste the sauce! I have that same lens, I love it! It is my workhorse and rarely leaves my camera now.

Bethany said...

Love this! You and Mr. D are pretty awesome. So glad to hear the good news and praying more heads your way. Hugs!

Judy SheldonWalker said...

Who hasn't heard food talk? Some of it should be rated X though to protect the young and the innocent.

Buckeroomama said...

I love that I could laugh and laugh whenever I visit here. Laughing WITH you, R. WITH you. ;p