Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I have got to stop screaming in Target

 

 

So remember when I told you my kid had made it his life’s goal to check out every public restroom in the tri-state area?

There was the one where he prayed loudly, “Jesus, help me POOOP”. 

 

Consider yourself blessed if this blog is the only place you will ever experience that phrase.  Amen and Amen.

 

And when his plan totally backfired at Target?  Leading to this face:

IMG_4604

 

Or hey, when he discovered what that hole in the front of his “underwears” was for?  And everyone else in the Walmart bathroom got to hear his conversion from disbelief to glee?

IMG_2086

 

 

Oh gosh… I knew there was another story.  But I wasn’t prepared for the number of results that came back when I searched my own blog for the word “bathroom”.  Y’all… it’s a sickness.

 

The ultimate one was the righteous plugged toilet.  And how my monkey boy ended up defacing church property.  And me.  Talk about holy water.

 

IMG_0379[3]

 

But it’s like I can never close the series of “Shopping with Kids”.  Because there is never a dull moment with this Boog.

 

(By the way… I’m sorry for all the links.  Drives me crazy when I’m reading someone’s blog and they’ve linked up every other squirrel-lovin’ sentence.  But it drives me nuts worse when I don’t know the story behind it.  And since people are often doubtful all this crazy stuff could happen to us…)

 

 

Target.  Of course.

I knew it was trouble as soon as I turned around from securing the handicap stall door.

 

His boxers were at his knees and he was ready to get down to business.

 

Oh please, oh please.  Don’t let him see it.

 

But then… he did.

 

He stood there in rapt attention as the fly buzzed from the tank to the rim.

 

 

Right within firing distance.

 

 

 

OH MY LORD.

 

 

Have you ever seen a kid chasing a fly with an apparently unlimited supply of urine?

 

(The kid had the limitless pee, not the fly.  Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a fly pee.  Have you?  I have; however, seen pee fly).

 

It was thoroughly traumatizing trying to stay out of the line of fire and screaming at the giggling boy to STOP JUST STOP!  He was alternating between crazed laughter and kamikaze shooting sounds.

 

Y’know.  Flies are dumb.

 

That sucker circled the bowl of the toilet 14 times until all the shenanigans somehow knocked the toilet paper dispenser off the wall (seriously… this only happens to me) and the psuedo-gunshot sound scared the kid into instant peelessness.

 

(I love that word.  Pee-less-ness).

 

I have got to stop screaming in Target.

 

.

26 comments:

Anthony said...

That's really funny haha I've never heard anything quite like that

Tamar SB said...

Trying to not LOL in my staff development day!!!!

nayner32 said...

i heart you. :)

GunDiva said...

I think God's answering your call to top your last public humiliation. :)

Nicole Thomas said...

You are going to have endless stories to blackmail him with when he gets to the horrible teenage stage!

Dr. Oble said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

What a great day to start my Thursday! You seriously have all the adventures. (Well, a good deal of them.)

Dyannie

Allenspark Lodge said...

You need to shop a Walmart like we do. No one would even notice.

Bill

Saimi said...

Hahahahahahaha, seriously? hahahahahahaha!!!!!

sharon said...

You've got to read this article on 15 rules for peeing.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beth-woolsey/15-rules-for-peeing-a-primer-for-kids_b_3685475.html

robin said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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