Sunday, September 08, 2013

Parenting… gross

 

These boys.  Oh, these boys.

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Boog and Bubba are pretty much the best cousins who get to live next door to each other in the history of ever.

Do not let the sweet smiles fool you.  They are hardcore.

 

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And they are also the MESSIEST cousins who get to live next door to each other in the history of ever.

Remember?  Running through horse poop?

 

 

And remember when his excuse for the Nutella escapade was,

“Bubba told me to!”

IMG_6211

 

Unfortunately, friends… today’s episode included another brown substance… and this one wasn’t for the faint of heart.

 

My kiddo stretched his curfew as long as he was able, and finally clambered up the back porch and unceremoniously dropped his flip-flops on the floor.

 

(Sidenote: flip-flops in the Northwest in September?… Y’all, it’s supposed to be NINETY degrees this week.  Holla!)

 

He walked on the heels of his feet to me and said those five words that strike fear (and instant gagging) in every mother’s heart:

 


“Momma, I stepped in poop”.

 

Every single other household activity was immediately suspended as Mr. Daddy and I looked at our son aghast and I mentally rewound to him dropping his flip-flops on the dining room floor.



"Honey!  You need to wash that off right now!  Bring me your shoes!”

“No Momma, it’s okay!  Bubba washed it off!”

“What?  He washed the poop off?”

“Yeah!”

 

 

As I made a beeline for the couldn’t-possibly-be-clean shoes, Boog dutifully followed me across the carpet.

 

“But Momma, it’s not on my shoes!”

“I know he cleaned them Butter, but I need to check.”

”Mom!  I stepped in it with my FEET!”

 


(puzzled Momma)

 

“Yeah!  I stepped in it with my bare feet!”

 

 

Those same feet that walked across half the house to tell me they’d just had relations with dog feces.

(and we don’t even HAVE a dog!)

 

Cue gagging and that superhuman reflex where mothers are able to lift a 60 pound just-stepped-in-dog-poop child and hold them three feet away from their body with just their fingernails.  Yeah.

 

As I ran the hot water, he helpfully told me the rest of it.

 

 

“Momma, it was really fresh.

I could tell because it was slippery.

And it’s okay, because Bubba washed it all off with the hose.”

 

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to be deaf and to have a nose that works REALLY GOOD?

 

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9 comments:

Nancy Jenrette said...

Oh my friend, you crack me up! I can just picture this!!

Life with Kaishon said...

I believe him. Bubba did a great job washing him off! That is hilarious. SO CUTE!

Tiffany Bleger said...

Hahahahaha!!!!! This is hilarious! Mainly cause it isn't me... ;)

Allenspark Lodge said...

When you first said it was warm up there, I thought you were talking about the weather.

Then when you started saying it was fresh...

Bill

Angelwithatwist said...

Umm I may have had that issue as a mom of 3 boys.. but thankfully they have learned the art of perfecting hose pressure to ensure maximum cleanage...

Saimi said...

Awe come on mom, bubba washed it off, no need to get all distressed about it, sheesh!

Hahahahaha!!!!

Danielle said...

EW!! It was fresh!! and slippery! And maybe warm???!!
EW!! Just EW!!
WE've all done this and know the feeling and we were feeling this along with the story....Like 3D reading! Super.

Bethany said...

Yeah, I gagged a little. His helpful descriptions put it over the top.

Angie Vik said...

Oh to be young and unconcerned with little things like poop squishing between your toes. You have quite a well- stocked arsenal of stories to embarrass your son with when he is older.