These boys. Oh, these boys.
Boog and Bubba are pretty much the best cousins who get to live next door to each other in the history of ever.
Do not let the sweet smiles fool you. They are hardcore.
And they are also the MESSIEST cousins who get to live next door to each other in the history of ever.
Remember? Running through horse poop?
And remember when his excuse for the Nutella escapade was,
“Bubba told me to!”
Unfortunately, friends… today’s episode included another brown substance… and this one wasn’t for the faint of heart.
My kiddo stretched his curfew as long as he was able, and finally clambered up the back porch and unceremoniously dropped his flip-flops on the floor.
(Sidenote: flip-flops in the Northwest in September?… Y’all, it’s supposed to be NINETY degrees this week. Holla!)
He walked on the heels of his feet to me and said those five words that strike fear (and instant gagging) in every mother’s heart:
“Momma, I stepped in poop”.
Every single other household activity was immediately suspended as Mr. Daddy and I looked at our son aghast and I mentally rewound to him dropping his flip-flops on the dining room floor.
"Honey! You need to wash that off right now! Bring me your shoes!”
“No Momma, it’s okay! Bubba washed it off!”
“What? He washed the poop off?”
As I made a beeline for the couldn’t-possibly-be-clean shoes, Boog dutifully followed me across the carpet.
“But Momma, it’s not on my shoes!”
“I know he cleaned them Butter, but I need to check.”
”Mom! I stepped in it with my FEET!”
“Yeah! I stepped in it with my bare feet!”
Those same feet that walked across half the house to tell me they’d just had relations with dog feces.
(and we don’t even HAVE a dog!)
Cue gagging and that superhuman reflex where mothers are able to lift a 60 pound just-stepped-in-dog-poop child and hold them three feet away from their body with just their fingernails. Yeah.
As I ran the hot water, he helpfully told me the rest of it.
“Momma, it was really fresh.
I could tell because it was slippery.
And it’s okay, because Bubba washed it all off with the hose.”
Have you ever wondered what it might be like to be deaf and to have a nose that works REALLY GOOD?