Monday, October 14, 2013

House Hunting – ridiculousness



Y’know… I just expect it now.

We’ve been house hunting for the last seven years – somewhat hampered by that “thing I can almost talk about” as it drained our house savings fund.  After so long, it’s not like I really should be surprised when crazy stuff happens nearly every time we dare to peek at a listing.


Remember one of the early stories… where my beloved realtor was showing us a house, and walked in on a man doing his smelly business?


Or when I locked myself in a bathroom?

Or when we drove into what Mr. Daddy swore was a meth compound for sale and came upon two sunbathers sans clothes?


Oh, and this one proving that our realtor really IS intrepid.  I totally shamed her into holding this praying mantis that we found at one of the houses.  Isn’t she’ pretty much awesome?




Our latest was a house that was shot down by Boog being creeped out by the door knocker.




I realized a while ago that people sometimes put the weirdest stuff on and in their houses.  And those things probably lose a bit in translation when they photograph them for listings.  Here are a few of my favorites:


First in the bathroom series: whotheheckhasbidetsinNorthAmerica?


This is one of those layouts that requires you to lock the door every time, or risk getting your knees bloodied each time your kid slams the door open and runs in to beg to play at the neighbor’s house.  Breathlessly.  With that very same 6-year old neighbor boy standing right next to him.  Staring at you awkwardly.

Not like that’s happened or anything.






Personally, I think this dude is brilliant. 

A fax machine in the bathroom.


I should do that.  Get a fax machine.  So my kid can communicate with me without bringing the neighbor kid in the bathroom.

fax in bathroom



And this… I mean, what better way to talk yourself into an eating disorder than to line the entrance to your shower with mirrors that you cannot escape?  Not to mention, the slight paranoia of having a skylight directly over your showering self?


Must have excellent self esteem to purchase this house.


And now for some photobombing critters:


I understand why properties with barns and pasture would show an idyllic scene of horses grazing in a field.

But a goat in your yard?  Okaaay.




And who doesn’t love a cat butt photobomb?

cat butt



Bizarrely, this one was included as a full-size photo on a house listing.  Apparently she’s free with a full-price offer?


(Thanks to Rachel from and then, she {snapped} for the heads up on this one!)

home for sale



And for what I can only call, “Why Did You Put That THERE?”

The random gate to nowhere:


random gate


A gorgeous kitchen.  Who doesn’t need a large trophy and a teddy bear to complete it?




The best spot for the oversized tv… right in front of the closet:

tv closet



And one of my personal favorites: the microwave inside an old heater.  Because walking to the kitchen for some popcorn is just too much.



So… what are your house hunting stories?  Or house SELLING tales?





The Lady Wolf said...

You got more funny house hunting stories than I do. We only house hunted twice. Mainly soon-to-be built houses. But we did see an older house on Eastside street, and the door to the bathroom doesn't even open all the way, it hit the toilet.... How the heck can you get into the bathroom?? Oh, and the wall to wall carpet was pepto bismol pink!

Tamar SB said...

This is too much! You could be a realty show!!

sara said...

we once went to see a house and as we walked in the door immediately realized there must be 25 people living could barely walk through all the "stuff". as we went into the uncleaned kitchen, I opened the oven to find the carcass of the chicken they had eaten the night before....who allows their house to be seen like that and thinks they will sell it?!!!

Life with Kaishon said...

I was going to say the exact same thing Tamar said : ).
I want you to have a reality show. Can you apply?

Stacy said...

Oh, you have the best stories...and pictures to back them up! We didn't do much house hunting when we found ours. We did see a lovely pink master bathroom, though. Pink tub, pink loo, pink sink and even a pink stained glass window! It was lovely. Brian ix-nayed that house right away LOL!

Allenspark Lodge said...

Oh! Oh! "Reality Realty"


Tiffany Bleger said...

Bwahahaha!!!!!! Oh man, my hubby has some stories!!! Trying to show a house, and walking in on the tenant while he's still in bed, crazy dogs, u.g.l.y. Decorating, he's seen the works. I would LOVE to go house Hunting with you!

heather said...

I would just build at this point. At this point it does not seem like a very safe area to buy a house in.

Fire Wife Katie said...

Lol, those are great, what are people thinking?!?

Magic Ear Kids said...

HA! This takes me back. When we were house hunting 5 years ago, we found a kitchen with a beer tap right in the wall and a shower head right in the middle of the basement. A little research revealed they call that a "pittsburgh bath." The shower head, not the beer tap.

Toward the end of our odyssey, our Realtor lost the house key to a crack in the front porch stoop. We had to stand there for 30 minutes waiting for the homeowner to show up with another key. We ended up not buying that house, just contributing to the process being equally annoying on all ends.

Fortunately, we never found anyone taking a dump. That really kills the mood.

Shelly Mac said...

I went back and read your blogs about your house hunting. They are hysterically funny. I love the one about the man doing his business. I never realized how crazy house hunting can be. Good Luck with your house hunt.

Floortime Lite Mama said...

oh Rachel you just made me LOL
too hilarious

Carmen Monrovia said...

When you're pressured by house hunting, you'll definitely think of ridiculous things! Hehe! Kidding aside, you've got a great choice for your new house. With a great mortgage deal, you'll enjoy this awesome space. I hope your realtor can give you a favorable deal. Good luck! :)

Carmen Monrovia @