Tuesday, December 24, 2013

our annual random Christmas gift list

 

because it’s not truly almost the end of the year unless you’ve stumbled across these things that your life would not be complete without.

 

(and it’s not really about Christmas… because we all know that’s not about the presents, right?)

In all fairness… some of these items are really cool, but have just had some really wacky treatment at the hands of whoever decided how to advertise them.

 

Let’s start off with some custom giftwrap.

giftwrap

 

Seriously.  You can pick ANY picture to make into giftwrap.  And a triptych of a woman wearing a goat mask screams OPEN ME?

(Frankly, I’d be praying over that stack and opening very carefully.)

 

Oh!  And who doesn’t need some giant warrior in their beautiful kitchen?

warrior

You would catch me screaming every.single.morning.  Methinks it would end up with a few pieces of ammo in it in short order.

 

Another way to freak yourself out every single morning… giant birds watching you shower:

birds

 

 

And this rug… sure to destroy the sanity of all us OCD folk:

rug

 

Our first advertising fails – courtesy of some VERY confident males:

let go

 

flowers

 

leaves

 

I love how this last one is advertised as an “ivy print bomber jacket”.  Any pilot wearing that is going to get laughed out of the military.

Oh, and how the guy actually looks like a bored version of Chip.  I don’t blame them for needing to resort to an android model for this.

chip

 

 

Moving on to something I actually really, really love:

whales

 

(Can you hear that?  It’s Mr. Daddy rolling his eyes painfully loudly).

 

Now for the bodily functions segment:

The “Immense Intestine Plush” – your life is now complete!

I don’t want to know what that little tag on the left is, and I don’t want to talk about that part on the bottom.  Oh Lord… a really bad pun.

immense intestine plush

 

Aaaand… for your child learning their alphabet.  What on earth starts with an “N” and looks like a giant happy pile of…???

poo

 

This one falls into the “for reals?” category.  It’s art made with a partner.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that. 

love is art

 

To help us all with some mind bleach after that awkwardness: the always charming Mr. Selleck.  aka: Mr. Rockin Hottie Magnum Daddy.

Selleck

 

A couple more advertising fails:

spider

This is listed as a lily and hydrangea arrangement.  All I see is SPIDER!

 

I know there’s all kinds of growth hormones in our food these days.  But this was listed in the clothing for my second grader’s size.  Methinks there are some hirsute 7-year olds out there now!

 

young man

 

I’m just going to pretend that there’s some incredible Photoshop magic here and that a responsible adult actually has hands on this little tyke.

Else it’s a really terrific way to catch up on your 2013 deductible.

baby shelf

 

Speaking of Photoshop… love how they didn’t bother to clone out the grass on every single one of these ;)

grass3

grass2

grass1

 

Such a lovely composed photo.  Did they mean to put an owl holding his nose atop the toilet?

stinky owl

 

 

I know I’ve blogged this before, but…behold the bike planter.

Truly, the epitome of what to get the person who has everything.

 

bike planter

 

Time for another cool product I actually want.  Would you believe Target carries this?!?!

chair

Makes me laugh every.single.time.  Hysterically

underwater

 

And if you get us any of the things from this post?  We’ll have to buy our neighbors one of these:

neighbors

(as always, click on the photos for a link to the products)

 

 

Wishing you a truly wonderful Christmas – celebrating the birthday of a king who came as a baby.  With much gratitude for your friendship and encouragement this year.

 

minted

 

.

5 comments:

sara said...

oh my word, some of these are too much!!

I really want to know what that is that starts with an N.....

I think that baby picture is set up on the floor...that's the only explanation as a mom I can come up with!

and I had to quickly scroll past the SPIDER!!! ack!

Wish you and your family a very merry CHRISTmas too!!!

Saimi said...

Yep those are classic for sure!! Merry Christmas Rachel!

robin said...

N?? The only thing I came up with was...nincompoop (or however you spell it, lol!) That was the only 'bad word' we could use as a kid to each other.

Loved Itty Bit's pic! :)

Angie Vik said...

Very funny. Thanks for compiling this quirky assortment.

Amy said...

Well that post just gave me an ab workout with all that laughing!!! Oh my word! Thank you for that! I LOVE this post :-) I know we totally need one of those door mats (hahahaha how I WISH we were cool enough to need one of those)