Monday, February 17, 2014

Househunting: the good, the bad… nevermind, let’s just do the FAILS



Sometimes I just click on a realtor’s website and a mental soundtrack of


what on earth?

what on earth?

what on earth?

just plays endlessly on repeat.



Because I just don’t get it.  Putting photos of your home online should showcase the very best of what you’re trying to sell, right?  At least this time I’m not actually IN their homes, seeing my realtor walk in on them pooping.


(Still one of my very favorite True Story Tuesday’s, by the way).


Or locking myself in the bathroom of someone else’s home.


Or pulling up to see people laying naked next to the driveway.


Looking at pictures online should be a wee bit easier.  Except, last time it was really confusing.


(Random goats, cat butts, and fax machines in bathrooms, anyone?)


There’s a whole new slew of “I’m trying to sell you my house, so I’ll just showcase some oddities” out there online.


brace yourself




My first whizza-whazza? moment was this little furniture set up:


Is it an exercise room?  A cat sanctuary?  A viewing gallery?


I don’t know about you, but I avoid going to the gym because I feel like everyone is staring at me.  This would give me a complex.



Speaking of “everybody is watching me” complexes… Methinks this is just ASKING for performance anxiety.  Seriously… why?




My OCD self wants to know why they only built 2/3 of that cabinet?  To make sure you had to vacuum under it?  Wait… why is there carpet anywhere near a sink?

under the cabinet



More bathroom sink trouble.  Is it just me?




And everyone needs a dishwasher in their bathroom.  I guess this could be called a SIX-piece master bath?  Don’t miss the coffee maker…


(Oh wait… could that be a towel warmer?  Now I’m confused.  But still… coffee maker???)



A coffeemaker might make more sense in an office… but

Holy Wire Mess Batman.





Moving on to the bedroom.  Random patch of laminate flooring anyone?

Seriously, please help.  I want to know what this is for!  It isn’t the dining room, I already checked.

random hardwood



Lovely dining room!  Those randomly bare shelves are making me twitch.  Let’s invent a backstory about puppy-proofing the house.




Let’s talk about puppies and assorted pets for a minute.  I get that sellers might think it’s cute to include them in house-for-sale advertisements.  But the number of pet bombs that occur are frankly, quite frightening.

Did they NOT KNOW that their dog was in the crib?  Or is that the dog’s crib?  No response is going to make me feel better.

pet 3

(anyone else have a fridge in their bedroom?  Or is that the dog’s too?)



The next three photos are from the same house.  Seriously, is it that hard to get a photo without the pets?

Hey, and DOG BUTT!



pet 1

pet 2




These just make me laugh.  Because I can totally see this pooch insisting on being wherever the photo-taker is.  And he looks bewildered at the apparently invisible thing the photog is interested in.

dog again1


(random room devoted to ONE plant)

dog again2





(we’re so mature around here)

cat again



But ohmygoodness, CAT BUTT!  Who wants that on their dinner table?!

kitty on table


Mind bleach.


Switching to kitchens…


How do you suppose the average person is supposed to reach the pots and pans that are hanging from the skylight?

(Not to mention a people McNugget like me?)


reach the pots



Or hanging from the ceiling fan, for that matter?

pots from fan

(I jest, I jest.  But I sure did think they were when I first saw this photo).



And just so y’all can puzzle it with me.  How do you work in this kitchen?

It’s kind of like a Tetris deal.





And my least favorite:

pool shark2


Who paints a shark next to their indoor pool?


Cue JAWS terror.

But, y’know, that brick fireplace just makes it all make sense.



We’re surviving this season of house-hunting.



Have you had any of your own adventures?


(All photos via real estate advertisements and Google.  Please don’t sue me because I outed your dog sleeping in a crib.)




Unknown said...

I can answer about the dog and the laminate in the middle seemingly randomly.. The dog probably has a litter of pups or is in heat.. my aunt used to do that with hers when they were whelping the pups to keep her and the pups safe from other pets in the house.. the laminate is calle a mud deck. It is placed there because the door opens into there and because of the heat vent it could not be placed right by the door. It is a place for you to remove your shoes and not worry about tracking mud into the rest of the house. Now why on earth someone would put a register for heat and air that close to a door is ridiculous..smh..

Mr. Daddy said...

I will be soooooo glad when this is over....:(

Linda said...

Thank you for the knee-slapping, tear-inducing laughs!!!

Danielle said...

LOL! So awesome. I really did laugh out loud at the pic that looks like the pans are hanging from the ceiling fan. That would just be super awesome to turn it on in a room full of people you didn't like! LOL

Tamar SB said...

When will I learn that I cannot eat while reading our posts!? I am now cleaning off lentil stew from my laptop from laughing so hard! These are SO funny!!

MrsMann said...

Too much fun here!

I can see some major coffee fanatics wanting the coffee pot in the bathroom. I think most would remove it from a picture that's meant for selling your house, but we can't all have brains, now can we?

As for the dishwasher... dear Lord I do hope that's actually a towel warmer. Otherwise I can't even begin to justify that one.

Your fans are enjoying this so don't rush the process! Hah!

Leiah said...

I knew a girl who put a mini fridge in the nursery when the baby was young so the bottles were right there and she could pop it in the bottle warmer while she changed a diaper. She thought it let her get back to sleep sooner. Now, why it's there next to the dog in the crib in a whole 'nother story I'm sure.

robin said...

LMAO!!!! I literally had to stop a few times when I was reading because your comments are so darn funny! Great way to relieve all my stress today!

Oh, and the fridge in bedrooms, my daughter used to have one in hers until it died and my other daughter and her boyfriend have one in theirs (the little kind.) Too funny! (On that note, it's amazing how many people I know who keep a second refrigerator in their garage for their drinks, alcohol and water....interesting.)

Thanks for the laugh!

Allenspark Lodge said...

I think you should just move to Colorado! Hint, hint!
Bionic Cowgirl

Angie Vik said...

Seriously funny. Thanks for a good laugh. I appreciate your effort to entertain your readers.

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That is a lovely and funny post! I remembered when recently I was looking for a new house to rent. It was a lot of laugh and tears. So hard to find what I want(

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